Wheelchair Bound Pt 05

CHAPTER 5: "The Deep End" (Neil's Perspective)

It had been nearly a month since Neil moved in. They'd finally swapped bad movies for wheelchair basketball a few days ago and he was thrilled by how excited Avery got at each turn of a game.

Jax Navarro raced up the court towards the Cleveland Chairioteers net. She dodged two defenders before a third blocked her shot. Avery cursed and slammed her hands down on the arms of her wheelchair. Neil turned to look at her and grinned.

"She's really good," said Avery, "but she needs to stop coming at the net from the right so much. Have you noticed, she takes over 85% of her shots that way?"

"I... hadn't," said Neil. "But she's been the league's top scorer for the last three years."

"Yeah," said Avery, nodding without looking away from the screen. "And she wouldn't have been blocked at all if she wasn't so predictable. Why hasn't her coach picked up on that?"

He resisted a chuckle. She was critiquing the best player and coach in the game. And she was so confident, so sure of herself. Not for the first time, he felt like she was back. He paused a moment before responding. "He's the league's top coach?"

"Then that should be basic to him!"

Neil laughed. "Maybe you should tell him. Or her."

Avery sighed. "I would if I could. Really, Neil, she'd not only make her team unstoppable, but the US Women's National Wheelchair Basketball team would win every gold medal there is."

Neil reached into his pocket as his phone buzzed. It was his uncle.

"Mind if I take this?" he asked. Avery shook her head.

"Hey Uncle Frank," he said as he clicked the answer symbol.

"Neil," said his uncle. "Look, I know you're probably working really hard these days, but it's been a while since you've been down to see the team. Would you be able to come down to practice tomorrow by any chance?"

Neil winced. He'd built good relationships with several of the regular members and he'd been ignoring them since he took his new job. His uncle also appreciated his help when he went to see them. Still, that wasn't where his attention needed to be now. He missed the team -- the camaraderie, the cheering, the excitement. He even missed the silly uniform he sometimes wore to their games. It had been great, but Avery mattered.

"I'm sorry, Uncle Frank. I don't think I can."

"I wouldn't ask for me," said his uncle, "But the team's been invited to a summer tournament and they want you with them. You know you were half cheer squad and half mascot to them."

Neil laughed. It was true. Those had been some of the best times of his life but they were over now. He had something else going on.

"I'm sorry, but Avery needs me."

She reached out and touched his arm. "Who is it?"

"It's Uncle Frank. He was asking if I can come to the team practice tomorrow and start spending time with them again."

"You should invite her too. The team would LOVE to meet her, and honestly I'd like to have a chat with her as well."

Neil bit his lip. Avery returning to the game was his deepest wish, but she'd made it quite clear that was never going to happen. "I don't think she'd be interested."

"Give me the phone," said Avery.

Surprised, Neil passed the phone over.

"Hey, Frank," said Avery. "Hope it's ok for me to call you that. Sounds like I've been keeping your boy from his team. You want him to come back and watch them play?"

"And you if you'd like," said Frank. "I know it's been hard on you but it would be amazing for the guys and girls to meet you. I'm sure they'd have a ton of questions."

Avery swallowed hard. Her eyes closed as she took a breath. "We'll come..."

"That's great," said Frank. "I'll let the team--"

Avery dropped the phone and closed her eyes. "Oh crap... Crapcrapcrap!"

Neil looked at her, slack-jawed. She said yes? Had he really heard that? "You're going to go? I thought you said--"

She stared at the floor in front of her, frozen. "Crapcrapcrapshitcrap!! Why did I just do that?!?"

Neil took her hand gently in his. "Hey, it's all right. I can call him back and say you can't make it."

Avery's glare could have killed. "No you fucking can't! That would be worse! Oh god, I hate it when people speak for me. Why did you do that? Why?!? Oh no... shit... I need to find my old uniform... if it even fits. They'll expect that. I need a shower. Oh god, Neil, I need a shower! I can't go like this. A sponge bath won't do it."

"It's ok," said Neil.

He struggled to process Avery's panic. He'd never even imagined her like this before. Her flailing thoughts and rapid speech unsettled him. He forced himself to calm down.

"I'm right here with you, Avery. We'll make it work - together. You don't need to wear your uniform. You can just go in your regular clothes - we're only going to watch a practice. And I can help you with the shower too. Whatever you need, we can do it."

Neil could feel her trembling even through her vice-like grip. He remembered helping his mother calm down from panic and hoped Avery would respond the same.

"Just breathe with me, Avery," he said. "Let it go, we'll deal with it later. Just breathe. In through the nose. Out through the mouth."

She couldn't. At least not at first. But he continued gently coaxing her, using her name to help her focus. Slowly she joined in his rhythm. He kept guiding her until he could see she was calm once more.

"Neil," she said, her voice quiet but demanding. "Don't ever speak FOR me again. I have never been able to stand that. I appreciate you trying to protect me and respect my decisions, but I make those decisions every time, not you. I know you don't get it, but it's the ONLY control I've had since the accident so it's even more important now than before."

Neil cursed himself silently. "No, you're right. I was stupid. I should have thought of that. Sorry."

"It's fine," said Avery. "Just... don't do it again, ok?"

Neil nodded. "Ok. I meant what I said, by the way, if you need me to call him back and cancel I can. I don't mind making up an excuse."

"It really would be worse that way," she said. "Honestly, I'd feel ashamed of myself. But I am going to need you with me every step of the way. I haven't left the house in months, now I'm heading back onto a basketball court. Even if it's a local team and they're just practicing it's still huge."

She shrugged and gave a small, insecure laugh. "Hell, maybe it's time I faced my fear. Just make sure you're there so if I need to leave I can. Now, about that shower. I might as well get that over with too. Can you set up the chair and everything?"

Neil gave her hand a final squeeze as he stood up. "Already on my way."

His mind spun into motion as he walked to the bathroom. His mother had always insisted on towels--on the chair, the floor of the shower, even just outside it. But she could still stand, at least a little, and slipping had been the bigger risk. For Avery, that wasn't an issue. And towels on the bathroom floor would impede her chair.

He worked quickly to set things up right for her. A towel on the chair so she wouldn't slip, one on the table beside the shower. He checked the water for temperature and positioned the nozzle in reach. The cleaning stuff went on the shelf of the shower. And he was done.

"It's ready!" he called.

"You're good," said Avery from the doorway.

Neil cried out in shock and turned to face her. "Dear god, you scared me!"

They laughed together as Avery made her way into the bathroom.

"You're in your element doing this, aren't you?" she asked.

He shrugged. "It's only a shower."

"Neil, do you think everyone knows how to do this? I know it's not rocket science, but I think I'd have missed half of what you did until it was too late."

"Thanks," he said.

His stomach twisted. He didn't feel like he deserved her praise -- but arguing would just make things more awkward.

"Are you going to be ok showering yourself or do you need help?"

"I think I'll be ok," said Avery. "I can always call you if I need to. Maybe you can go look through my old clothes upstairs and see if my uniform is in there. I think they'd like it if I wore that. Besides, it's kind of my battle armor."

"Sure!"

Neil made sure she was ok once more before heading to his room. He hadn't touched the clothes in her wardrobe. After all, she might be letting him use the room, but it was still hers. Besides, he was hoping she might choose to have him bring down some of her nicer outfits sometimes. Seeing her not just as an athlete but with a strong aesthetic sense just made her more beautiful. Her basketball kit was buried somewhere in the back. He wondered who had put it so far out of sight.

Neil remembered how she'd looked competing in it game after game as he laid it on the bed. He'd need to clean it of course. But even that he was looking forward to. A loud crash from downstairs ripped him from his reveries.

"NEIL!"

He was moving before she had a chance to yell again.

"HELP ME!"

He took the stairs two at a time, grabbing the banister to prevent a fall when he missed. It took seconds to reach the bathroom. Avery was in trouble. Her thighs were still on the shower chair, which was tipping over. Her right arm was gripping the arm of her wheelchair which had twisted and slammed into the toilet. Her weight was spread between the two. He ran forward and grabbed her quickly, putting his arms around her body to lift her to safety.

"I've got you!" he said, gasping himself after his flight to save her. "It's ok.'

Holding her steady he used one foot to twist the wheelchair back around and gently sat her in it.

"Are you ok?"

Avery looked shaken. "Yes," she said. "Just... fuck, I nearly fell, Neil. That scared the shit out of me. Thank you!"

Neil smiled at her. "It's ok. As long as you didn't get hurt."

"No, no," said Avery. "Just... just scared. Oh god, thank you. Everything was wet and I think I forgot to put the brake on and... just thank you ok?"

That was when it hit him. She was naked. He'd caught a glimpse of her breasts in the mirror when he'd entered the house on his first day but now he saw everything. And he'd held her naked too. He could feel her breasts pressing against his chest.

He crushed the thought. She'd damn near fallen and he was thinking about how hot she was? What was wrong with him? He had no right to think like that. It was sick

He tried to keep his face calm so she didn't see the struggle inside him. Turning away he reached for a fresh towel.

"Umm.. if you're ok, I should probably give you some privacy. Sorry." He passed her the towel and averted his eyes.

"Sorry for what?" asked Avery. "Neil, you saved me from a nasty fall. You've got nothing to say sorry for."

"I do," he thought. "But I can't tell her I got turned on when she could have been seriously hurt!"

"Ok... er... I'll... I got your uniform. I'll wash and iron it tonight."

She reached out and grabbed his hand. "Neil, it's ok... you can stop blushing. I'm sorry you had to see me naked again."

"You're sorry?" Neil gasped. "Avery, I'm the one who should apologize for it."

She laughed. "It's not like you ran in here to ogle me. It's ok."

No, thought Neil, he hadn't but it didn't change the reactions he'd had since. Or the fantasy in his head right now. He felt disgusted. This was Avery, for fucks sake, not some porno star on a video.

"Ok," he managed to say. "I'll just go get the uniform ready."

"Thanks," she said. "For everything."

Neil withdrew. The excuse had been real but it wasn't the first thing he needed to do. He walked into the kitchen, taking the deep fake out of his pocket. He'd been carrying it for so long it felt like part of him. But that was before. After what had just happened. After what he'd seen and what he'd thought... Avery was real. She always had been but now she was more real than ever. And she didn't need some pervert carrying a fake picture of her around like it was a gift from a lover.

He looked at it once more, feeling revulsion where once he'd felt desire. He'd already let her down. He had to be better than this. Slowly he tore the picture in two. Then in four, Then once again. He opened the trash can and shoved the pieces inside, burying them under the garbage. The lid closed. Only his shame remained.