CHAPTER 5: "The Deep End" (Neil's Perspective)
It had been nearly a month since Neil moved in. They'd finally swapped bad movies for wheelchair basketball a few days ago and he was thrilled by how excited Avery got at each turn of a game.
Jax Navarro raced up the court towards the Cleveland Chairioteers net. She dodged two defenders before a third blocked her shot. Avery cursed and slammed her hands down on the arms of her wheelchair. Neil turned to look at her and grinned.
"She's really good," said Avery, "but she needs to stop coming at the net from the right so much. Have you noticed, she takes over 85% of her shots that way?"
"I... hadn't," said Neil. "But she's been the league's top scorer for the last three years."
"Yeah," said Avery, nodding without looking away from the screen. "And she wouldn't have been blocked at all if she wasn't so predictable. Why hasn't her coach picked up on that?"
He resisted a chuckle. She was critiquing the best player and coach in the game. And she was so confident, so sure of herself. Not for the first time, he felt like she was back. He paused a moment before responding. "He's the league's top coach?"
"Then that should be basic to him!"
Neil laughed. "Maybe you should tell him. Or her."
Avery sighed. "I would if I could. Really, Neil, she'd not only make her team unstoppable, but the US Women's National Wheelchair Basketball team would win every gold medal there is."
Neil reached into his pocket as his phone buzzed. It was his uncle.
"Mind if I take this?" he asked. Avery shook her head.
"Hey Uncle Frank," he said as he clicked the answer symbol.
"Neil," said his uncle. "Look, I know you're probably working really hard these days, but it's been a while since you've been down to see the team. Would you be able to come down to practice tomorrow by any chance?"
Neil winced. He'd built good relationships with several of the regular members and he'd been ignoring them since he took his new job. His uncle also appreciated his help when he went to see them. Still, that wasn't where his attention needed to be now. He missed the team -- the camaraderie, the cheering, the excitement. He even missed the silly uniform he sometimes wore to their games. It had been great, but Avery mattered.
"I'm sorry, Uncle Frank. I don't think I can."
"I wouldn't ask for me," said his uncle, "But the team's been invited to a summer tournament and they want you with them. You know you were half cheer squad and half mascot to them."
Neil laughed. It was true. Those had been some of the best times of his life but they were over now. He had something else going on.
"I'm sorry, but Avery needs me."
She reached out and touched his arm. "Who is it?"
"It's Uncle Frank. He was asking if I can come to the team practice tomorrow and start spending time with them again."
"You should invite her too. The team would LOVE to meet her, and honestly I'd like to have a chat with her as well."
Neil bit his lip. Avery returning to the game was his deepest wish, but she'd made it quite clear that was never going to happen. "I don't think she'd be interested."
"Give me the phone," said Avery.
Surprised, Neil passed the phone over.
"Hey, Frank," said Avery. "Hope it's ok for me to call you that. Sounds like I've been keeping your boy from his team. You want him to come back and watch them play?"
"And you if you'd like," said Frank. "I know it's been hard on you but it would be amazing for the guys and girls to meet you. I'm sure they'd have a ton of questions."
Avery swallowed hard. Her eyes closed as she took a breath. "We'll come..."
"That's great," said Frank. "I'll let the team--"
Avery dropped the phone and closed her eyes. "Oh crap... Crapcrapcrap!"
Neil looked at her, slack-jawed. She said yes? Had he really heard that? "You're going to go? I thought you said--"
She stared at the floor in front of her, frozen. "Crapcrapcrapshitcrap!! Why did I just do that?!?"
Neil took her hand gently in his. "Hey, it's all right. I can call him back and say you can't make it."
Avery's glare could have killed. "No you fucking can't! That would be worse! Oh god, I hate it when people speak for me. Why did you do that? Why?!? Oh no... shit... I need to find my old uniform... if it even fits. They'll expect that. I need a shower. Oh god, Neil, I need a shower! I can't go like this. A sponge bath won't do it."
"It's ok," said Neil.
He struggled to process Avery's panic. He'd never even imagined her like this before. Her flailing thoughts and rapid speech unsettled him. He forced himself to calm down.
"I'm right here with you, Avery. We'll make it work - together. You don't need to wear your uniform. You can just go in your regular clothes - we're only going to watch a practice. And I can help you with the shower too. Whatever you need, we can do it."
Neil could feel her trembling even through her vice-like grip. He remembered helping his mother calm down from panic and hoped Avery would respond the same.
"Just breathe with me, Avery," he said. "Let it go, we'll deal with it later. Just breathe. In through the nose. Out through the mouth."
She couldn't. At least not at first. But he continued gently coaxing her, using her name to help her focus. Slowly she joined in his rhythm. He kept guiding her until he could see she was calm once more.
"Neil," she said, her voice quiet but demanding. "Don't ever speak FOR me again. I have never been able to stand that. I appreciate you trying to protect me and respect my decisions, but I make those decisions every time, not you. I know you don't get it, but it's the ONLY control I've had since the accident so it's even more important now than before."
Neil cursed himself silently. "No, you're right. I was stupid. I should have thought of that. Sorry."
"It's fine," said Avery. "Just... don't do it again, ok?"
Neil nodded. "Ok. I meant what I said, by the way, if you need me to call him back and cancel I can. I don't mind making up an excuse."
