Depression.
I think that would be the one and only word that could describe how I was and had been feeling for the past couple of weeks. On and off, sleep and then abrupt awakenings... tossing and turning, my mind just seemed like it wouldn't shut off. I just couldn't stop thinking about him.
Brian was my boyfriend of seven years, and I couldn't get him off of my mind. I loved him dearly but I was starting to feel that after a sexless seven years, he was starting to fall out of love with me. You see, we are both practicing Mormons, and we both agreed that we wouldn't have sex until marriage.
I am still a virgin, and I believe that he is too, but I know how men are especially once they start masturbating and get a feel for that orgasm. I am starting to feel the same way, but I feel as long as I still have an intact hymen, and no man has entered me, I won't be tempted to have sex. But that doesn't mean that I haven't and don't masturbate.
My cousin's favorite line is "no one can love you like you can!" And if I may, I fully agree with her. I love the feeling that clitoral orgasms give. I love the way tremors rack my body until I almost black out in euphoria, and I know that once I feel my boyfriend slide inside me for the first time, I will probably lose consciousness for sure.
But that's the whole problem! I want this so badly, and I want everything to be right the first time, but I am totally not sure if Brian feels the same way. I hear the words come out of his mouth when he whispers in my ear "I love you Angie," and kisses my neck and sticks his tongue in my ear when we are making out, but I just feel this emptiness inside. Maybe it's because I want to feel him inside of me just as much as he wants to feel my hot cunny wrapped around his hard cock.
Just the mere thought of Brian entering my hot wet pussy makes my juices flow like lava down my legs, but every time I want to say something to him about it, my beliefs get in the way, and I can't do anything! My tongue gets completely tied, and I get a knot in my throat.
All of this thought about sex is making me tired, so I think a nap to cool my jets would be the more than perfect way to get all of this off of my mind.
Sleep felt so good for a change. I peeled my jeans down my legs, and left just my panties on, along with an over sized T-shirt that I had acquired from my older cousin that I often slept in, and I laid down on my queen sized bed. My bra was never comfortable to sleep in, so I threw that in the pile with my pants, and I left my anklet socks on, and let my hair down, and before I knew it, I was counting stars, and my mind completely left me, and I had the most comfortable sleep I had encountered in ages!
I couldn't tell you how many hours, minutes, or seconds had passed, but I could tell you that when I woke abruptly from sound sleep...
My hands... my feet... what the hell was going on? I couldn't move. My limbs were bound to all four corners of the bed and a bandanna had been tied around my mouth as so I couldn't scream.