I was at home, minding my own business, thinking of joining a couple of the girls for a night out. The trouble was, I was comfortably dressed in a track suit and not sure I wanted to go to all the trouble of making myself presentable. That's when I received a call from my mother.
"Nancy, pet, could you do me a huge favour. I'm expecting a visitor shortly but I won't be home in time to receive him. I've been delayed by a problem on the roads. Could you nip round to my place and greet him and keep him entertained until I get there."
"Sure, I guess. How long do you expect to be and who's the visitor?"
"Oh, I shouldn't be long. Just someone from the Real Estate with a query about the house. Probably a rent review or something. I have to go. Bye."
With that she'd hung up and my Friday evening was booked for an hour or so. I should explain that when I say my mother, I'm really referring to my step-mother. My father remarried after my mother died and Clarice is only about ten years older than me. She and I got on reasonably well but she isn't the brightest spark.
My father suffered no delusions about her mental acuity and was very careful with his will. Clarice got a pension and a financial guardian to control the capital so she couldn't blow it. He also arranged a nice rented unit for her to live in. He was under the impression that if he left her the house she would have sold it and spent the money. I am not saying he was incorrect in his thinking. I was left nicely provided for and I got the house. I was also given an endowment that would cover my mother's rent, the capital of which would revert to me once Clarice died or remarried (The pension was hers for life). This was my father's way of ensuring that Clarice was looked after and in a comfortable home.
Seeing that I supplied the money for the rent I guessed it made sense for me to be at the flat if someone from the real estate was coming around to assess the place. I jumped in my car, drove over, and let myself in.
I'd only been there about ten minutes when there was a knock and, on answering, I found Mr Henderson at the door. I guess you could say that Mr Henderson was from the real estate office. Especially seeing he owned it. He also owned the unit that my mother rented. How to describe Mr Henderson? Do you remember the old sitcom, Bigfoot and the Hendersons? Named something like that, anyway. Well, forget Mr Henderson from the series. Think of Bigfoot, shave him, and jam him into a suit. That's the real life Mr Henderson. Just not as friendly.
"Nancy, isn't it?" he asked. "Where's Clarice?"
How nice. He remembered my name and we'd only ever met once. Shows that he's got a good memory, as I never thought that I was that unforgettable. He, on the other hand, was certainly memorable.
"My mother's not here right now," I told him. "I understand you're here for a rent review or something like that. My mother's on her way but she's been delayed by traffic."
"I'll just bet she has. A hard woman to catch. I hadn't realised that you're her daughter. You must be younger than you look. I take it she's left you here as her virgin sacrifice."
"I'm not," I snapped, irritated.
"Not what?" he asked.
"Any of those things. I'm actually her step-daughter. I don't know how young you think I look but I'm nearly twenty. And I'm not a sacrifice."
"Uh-huh. You're not denying the virgin bit."
"Whether I am or am not is none of your business. I believe you've come here to discuss the rent. Are you thinking of increasing it? Clarice has already had one increase this year."
"Now it's my turn to say no," he said, smiling. The way a shark would smile, but smiling.
"No to what?" This man was annoying me. Just standing there he'd be annoying me.
"No, I'm not thinking of increasing the rent, and no, Clarice has not has a rent increase already this year. Apart from that, yes, I'm here to discuss the rent."
"Excuse me, but she had a ten percent increase a month ago. I should know because I have to supply the funds for it."
"Then you've been over-supplying," he said, his evil smile still in place. "The deal when we let this place was that the rent would be fixed for five years. It's only been two years and the rent hasn't changed. It also hasn't been paid for the past two months."
I was shocked. Clarice had lied about a rent increase just to get some extra money? That was so wrong. How could she cheat me like that? Then the rest of what he said kicked in. Unpaid? Pigs it was unpaid.
"It most certainly has been paid. I've supplied Clarice with the funds in a timely manner."
"I see. In that case just show me the receipts and I'll apologise and have words with my staff about their poor rental records."
Right, receipts. Where would Clarice keep her receipts? I had no idea. I reached for my phone and called Clarice.
"Ah, Clarice, Mr Henderson is here about the rent. His records show it as unpaid. Could you tell me where you keep your receipts so that I can get them? Or will you be here soon?"
"The receipts? The rental receipts?"
"Yes, Clarice. The rental receipts."
"Um, I won't be there for quite a while. There's a huge traffic jam here and I might be stuck for hours. I think there was an accident."
"That's unfortunate. The receipts."
"Yes, well I meant to tell you about that."
This nasty sounding statement was then followed by silence.
"Go on, Clarice," I said encouragingly.
"Well, I was shopping and the rent money was in my pocket, and there were these things I just had to get, and you know how it is. I'll pay it but it's just going to be a little late."
"What do you mean the money was in your pocket? I gave you a cheque."
"Yes, I know dear, but I met this nice man in a shop who was willing to cash it. He charges ten percent to do that which is why I had to tell you the rent went up ten percent."
I was going to kill her. I really was. Wait a minute.
"Clarice," I said sweetly, "what happened to last month's rent?"
"Oh, yes. I forgot about that. I guess you owe that as well."
"Not me," I said flatly. "You. I will speak to Mr Edwards and arrange for the money to be paid out of your pension fund. He'll probably dock your pension by ten percent until the capital is repaid."
The big thing in favour of the old land lines and their big handsets was that you could hang up by crashing the phone down onto the rest. With a smart phone you have two choices. Lightly press a little button or throw your phone onto the ground and jump up and down on it. I need my phone so I just pressed the little button. I consoled myself with the fact that Mr Edwards would probably be quite rude to Clarice when I explained the situation. He was a born accountant, and miserly, even with his client's money. He'd pay the outstanding rent but he'd also dock her pension, treating the extra payout as a loan.
Mr Henderson was still standing there with a big grin on his face. He'd heard my end of the conversation and knew how things stood. I choked back my bile and smiled pleasantly at him.
"My apologies," I said. "It seems that Clarice lost the rent money and was too embarrassed to tell me. I will arrange for future rent deposits to be paid direct from the bank to your account. I will also be speaking with Clarice's accountant on Monday to get the funds for the outstanding rent. I will personally see that it gets delivered to your office."
"I seem to recall having a conversation with Clarice about the missing rent," he said. "Several conversations, actually. They all seemed to finish up with her promising to have the rent sometime in the next day or so. A day which never seems to eventuate."
"I'm not Clarice. If I say the rent will be there, it will be there. You'll receive it Tuesday, at the latest."
"Are you wondering why Clarice isn't here right now?" he asked, changing tracks.
"Ah, I wasn't, but seeing you ask I guess she doesn't want to explain the problem to you. She'd rather I did it."
"Yes. The problem being that she went out and managed to spend the rent money. You should have made out the cheques to the office instead of to her. Then she'd have had to pay it in."
"I did," I said bitterly. "Apparently she found someone willing to cash them anyway."
"Interesting. I'll speak to my accountant about that. However, there is the little matter of the penalty that I mentioned to Clarice last time we talked."
"Penalty?" I asked, visions of rent increases and surcharges floating past.
"Mm, yes. The fourth time she was giving me the run-around I told her that if she didn't produce the rent as agreed then I'd damn well drag her to the nearest bed and fuck her silly."
He paused and seemed to consider what he'd just said.
"No. Make that sillier, as she is already a very silly woman. Stacked though, for a woman her age."
"Well, of all the nerve," I said, glaring at him. "It's no wonder she was scared to see you."
"Which is why she's offered you up as her virgin sacrifice," he drawled. "You're in luck. Childish virgins aren't to my taste so you can go unfucked. Children get off with a spanking."
Ever opened your mouth and stuck your foot in it?
"I already told you," I said angrily, "that I'm not a child, and you are certainly not spanking me."
"Still not denying the virgin bit, I see," he said softly, and I could tell he was laughing at me, deliberately goading me.