04

One

When they told me it'd get easier I thought they were lying but, as I laid there under him I started to believe them. It's a funny kind of thing -- sex. It's supposed to be enjoyable, right? Making it tolerable was like trying to navigate a maze or visit a place in a town you've not been to before; the first time you try it's difficult, you get lost and distracted, you don't know where you're going and you can't find that quiet place you're looking for. It's filled with obstacles. The more often you visit it though, the easier it becomes to find your way. That's what I was doing under this sweaty, gyrating walrus of a man, trying to find my way to the quiet swing by the tree in town but consistently being bashed by cars and spat on by the ocean until eventually finding it, sitting down and letting my mind be taken away by the motion of it. I'd clutch the ropes and hold on, trying not to fall and trying to see the scenery rather than the guy on top of me. Of course I'd make all the right noises, move the way I'd been taught to but it was all play acting, a heated, lubed-up, blow-up doll with a pulse and voice box. A plastic pornographic girl melting under anyone who paid enough for the pleasure, stuck in a doll house with all the others.

If you came back from your imaginary place long enough you could hear them through the walls if you tried, the different things going on in the various rooms. There were different models you see; different makes of doll to suit each and every taste. Some specialised in domination, some were hardcore submissives or fetishists. I was the girl next door, the little innocent one with enough curves to satisfy but a face and manner innocent enough to appeal to the inner 'Daddy' or "Mummy" in customers. People are perverts, it doesn't matter how clean or pure you claim to be. Beneath the façade of the superego is an id just screaming for something it needs, something you don't want to admit or something your wife refuses to give you. That's why we're here. You can leave your morals at the entrance and your sins at the exit. There are no consequences, no complications or guilt, only sweat, cum and a perfect little object writhing underneath you who won't bother to call you the next day or even ask your real name. I get a lot of husbands and straight laced types. My innocent look appeals to them. I even had a priest once, or he had me.

"Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I'm a dirty girl who needs to be taught a lesson. My virginity is a shadow and its midday now. Bless me. I beg for forgiveness."

And I do.

It wasn't always this way. I wasn't always pretending to be the girl next door.

I was the girl next door.

Two:

I was a virgin for what seemed like an unacceptable amount of time. These days virginity doesn't seem to be regarded by most as something sacred or special, it's more like an affliction that needs to be cured. It's only after I'd received the antidote though that I realised the knowledge I had gained came with side effects and no clear doctor to treat them. Sexuality and all symptoms that come with it seem to me like a chronic disease. It was Jude who gave it to me -- literally.

He was one of the managers of the hotel I'd started working at, a tall figure with alert green eyes and brown hair that curled about his chiselled chin, the kind of man who looked as if he'd been carved, then animated from marble; tall, lean and modelesque. At first I didn't realise he was interested in me. I was shy and didn't meet his gaze. When I tried to speak to him a stream of nonsense would babble from between my lips and he'd only meet my attempts to be friendly with a kind of reluctance that suggested that his work was more interesting than my company. He was a picky bastard too, kept criticising the work I was doing, even though there was nothing wrong with it. After trying to make a good impression I concluded that Jude was a dick and that I wouldn't even try and speak to him any longer. It seemed to be consensus that most of my colleagues reached -- Jude was just one of those attractive bastards. He pissed me off one day in particular by asking me to stay behind at work late one night after everyone had gone home to take the night shift even though I had college early the next day. Although perhaps you may have realised what happened next, I was far too naive to have the foresight. With a reluctant sigh I waved my colleagues out of the door and sat behind the desk, filing my nails to fit the bored receptionist stereotype. Someone approached the desk. Without looking up I greeted them:

"Hello, what can I get-?" I was interrupted by a deep voice, full of arrogance and authority.

"Don't you think you should actually look up at your customers when you serve them Magda?" Fingers clutched my chin and turned my head up. Jude's green eyes were so shockingly bright that my words turned to honey in my throat and stuck there. He was startlingly beautiful and even though I'd liked to have made a witty comeback the fact that he'd dared to touch me had caught me off guard.

"What do you think you're-?" I was interrupted again, this time by his hand sliding up to caress my cheek. His face was dangerously close to mine.

"Relax honey, I'm only messing with you. I don't want to be working this late either." It wasn't the first time I'd witnesses Jude smile, but it was the first time he had smiled at me. He moved away from the desk and walked around to stand above me. "Why don't we make the most of it? Do you want to share this wine with me? My boss gave it to me as a gift for working so many hours. I've been crazy stressed."

"Oh, okay, sure. That'd be nice."

I was only young and the wine went straight to my head. I didn't mind though, I was seeing a nice side of Jude that I hadn't before and was easily won over by his confidence and easy charm. I figured that he must just be a dick at work because of the boss riding him all the time (take note). That had to be it. We were laughing until the early hours of the morning, everything forgotten.

"My shift is over now boss, I should probably head home. Thanks for the wine!" I stood and made to leave but his hand caught my wrist and pulled me back against the desk. I giggled and raised my brows. "Jude, what are you-?" His lips caught my words as he pressed them against mine. I allowed this. It wasn't a big deal, I'd kissed guys before. Nothing wrong with a bit of harmless making out. He lifted me so that I was sat upon the desk and stood between my legs, black skirt riding up to flash the edges of my stockings. He continued his advances, running his hands up and over my tight, white shirt to rest upon my breasts. At that I pulled away.

"Jude! What are you doing? We're at work and I mean, usually you don't even look at me..!" He squeezed my tits and grinned wolfishly before speaking breathily into my ear:

"That's what I like about you Magda. You're so fucking innocent. Such a good girl. Just have a little fun; no one is around but us." Wine dulling my nerves I allowed him to continue. He ran his hands up and through my hair and continued to kiss my neck, deftly unbuttoning my shirt before plucking each breast out of my pink lace bra in turn to squeeze, and suck. I let a sigh escape from my lips, enjoying the attention but then he slid his hand up my skirt and I flinched.

"Why are you so nervous Magda..? You don't have to worry. We're two consenting adults having fun, aren't we? There's no reason to worry. And anyway, I don't buy this innocent act. I bet you're filthy." I smiled, trying and failing to act cool but my eyes betrayed me. "Wait... It's not an act is it? You're not a virgin are you?" I blushed and moved away from him, adjusting my underwear and pulling my skirt back down to a more dignified position.

"Just leave it okay... I'm going home."

His eyes widened with apparent remorse.

"Oh shit! I didn't know honey. I swear."

"I'm going home Jude." He tried to take my hand but I pushed him away. "Just leave it, okay?"

I quickly grabbed my coat and bag from behind the desk and left to take my short walk home without looking back. How fucking embarrassing.

Three:

I missed college that day because I was so tired and I didn't really fancy going into work that evening either, but I had to. As I plaited my hair and put on my uniform I couldn't stop thinking about Jude and the close proximity of him to me the night before. I couldn't stop thinking about the way he had so insistently pressed himself against me as if he had been hungry for me. His lips tasted of wine. I knew I should keep away from him though, I shouldn't trust him. He was never nice to me. True to my judgement of him he ignored me all day at work and avoided eye contact. This was normal; we hadn't spoken before, why should we now? No one suspected. I thought the day would go entirely smoothly and without incident until Jude stopped me as I was trying to leave.

"No you don't Magda. Didn't you see the rota today? You're on the night shift again with me."

I didn't argue because it was taking all of my concentration to suppress a blush. I rolled my eyes and sighed with irritation. "I'm going to need to have a chat with you about changing my shifts soon though; I do have college in the mornings you know." I glowered at him before leaving to get a coffee before the next leg of my shift started. How dare he change around my hours? Did he just want to embarrass me more? I'd told him that I wasn't interested. This had to be some form of harassment. Or perhaps I was wrong and maybe it'd been the boss that had changed my hours. Perhaps Jude would just leave me alone tonight... I had to admit though that he was charming, everyone knew it, especially him, and that was part of the problem.

When I got back to reception everyone had left. I was about to sit down behind the desk when a hand slipped around my arm and pulled me back. Jude.

"Come on Magda, you're not going to be working here today, you're going to be working somewhere else." I frowned at him and pulled my arm away.

"What makes you think that you're just allowed to touch me like that?" My shyness had slipped away to be replaced by anger. "This is a place of work, you have to be professional. I have been signed to do this shift so I will do it." He just laughed.

"There is no one around. The guests are in their rooms, we have no new bookings for tonight and anyway, I have something to show you. Come with me and stop being so defensive."

"Fine." He was my manager after all and maybe he was just trying to be nice. Why not give him a chance? It was pretty hard to resist that smile and those eyes. I followed him through a corridor and then through another locked door that I hadn't been through before. This part of the hotel felt a little different. There were still numbered rooms but they ran on a different number scheme to the rooms upstairs. The doors were tinted red. Jude unlocked a door marked three and ushered me inside. It was confusing. The lighting was low, there were candles burning and rose petals on a large double bed.

"What is all this?" I stepped back and Jude closed the door behind him. He seemed to shrink a little inside himself.

"Don't you like it?" He was hurt, a feat I hardly thought him capable of. The expression was a strange fit upon his face. "I felt bad about the other night so I thought I'd do something nice for you. I mean we don't have to do anything, we can just cuddle if you like..." I felt terrible having totally misjudged him.

"Don't be upset! I love it, really. It's... It's great, I mean I've never actually ever had anyone ever do anything like this for me before." I was stunned. He stepped towards me, placing his fingers under my chin and tilting my head up to look at him when I tried to turn away.

"Well, you deserve it you know. You're special." I froze, unable to speak, my heart running away with itself. His lips were soon pressed against mine, tongue slipping between them to caress me gently. He walked me backwards to the bed, laying me down upon it. "From the moment I saw you," he continued "I knew I wanted you. You look so innocent; I've never met anyone like you." He unbuttoned my shirt slowly and gently caressed my stomach. "Now, we don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Take it at your own pace, okay?" But before I knew it his hands were beneath my skirt, fingers pressing against me through the wetness of my underwear. I covered my hands with my face to hide the blush but he pulled them back and looked into my eyes. He seemed so confident and yet so gentle. I decided that I liked this nice side of him, the side he showed me in private. Maybe it was something reserved just for us. Maybe everything else was bravado. He slipped his fingers inside me slowly and I winced at first. "Relax. Everything will be okay. I'll look after you." He kissed my left cheek and glanced upwards before moving his fingers gently back and forth inside me causing me to moan out with pleasure. With one hand then he slipped my underwear down and off and tossed it carelessly onto the floor before doing the same with my skirt. The bra was next and I sat up, allowing him to unclip it. He then undressed and I allowed my eyes to traverse his form. I can't remember when we lost our shoes. He leaned over me in the candlelight, legs either side of my hips and kissed me gently. His body was warm against mine, his chest toned and peppered with dark hairs. He reached back and stroked his member, lightly teasing it against me. "Are you sure Magda? We don't have to do this if you don't want to." He stroked my hair and I smiled softly.

"It's okay. Just please, do it slowly." I held my breath as he pushed himself into me, biting down on my bottom lip to stifle a squeal. It felt peculiar, hard and soft, painful and pleasurable all at the same time. As his hips rocked against me and he pushed himself further inside I tensed up because it hurt. He continued to kiss me though, those dark curls of his tickling against my cheeks. He looked into my eyes apart from when they closed or when he looked up and away, as if to the heavens.

"You can be loud Magda, it's okay. It's just you and me. I love the way you sound."

It continued to be painful but he talked me through it, kissing my neck and stroking my breasts, reading my skin with his hands like Braille. He sped up and I cried out as he began to pound me harder than he had before. "Fuck! That hurts! Be gentle!" I wrapped my legs around his waist and my nails dug into his back.

"It'll stop hurting soon."

At least he knew what he was doing and pleasure started to replace the pain again. I felt a build-up of it in my lower abs, a tension thick and in need of release. But before I could find relief from this pressure Jude thrust into me again and moaned theatrically, pulling out and pleasuring himself with his hand, pumping his seed onto my stomach. He collapsed beside me, panting heavily.

He grinned, "Not bad, for a virgin." I shrugged, taking it as a joke and moved, legs slipping to rest on the floor by the bed. I needed to clean myself up. I shuffled into the en suite and turned on the shower. This was so surreal. I tried not to worry about the throbbing between my legs, from what I'd gathered the first time always hurt the most. After showering I wrapped myself in a towelled gown and went back into the bedroom to find Jude fully dressed in his uniform and about to leave the room.

"So yeah. That was great. Nice hanging out with you Magda." That wasn't the nice tone he'd used before. That was the work tone. That was the tone that suggested he was too good to be speaking to me.

"Aren't you going to stay for a while? We could get some wine..?"

He laughed and replied, "Oh no honey, I have to get back to work now." He left me to dress myself without looking back. I retrieved my clothes and hastily put them on (aside from my underwear, I couldn't find that).

As I dressed alone I realised that sleeping with Jude had been a mistake. He was a bastard after all. I shouldn't have trusted him; I should have taken things more slowly. I wish that my feelings had been the only things hurt by that encounter. I wish trusting him emotionally was the only mistake I had made. I didn't realise until my meeting with the boss next day how deep his betrayal really ran.

Four:

After Jude left me in that room I just sat for a while and tried not to think. Did this really matter? Surely it was something I could just leave behind and never think about again. I'd been charmed by him and trusted that he would look after me but his sweet lips had left a sour taste in my mouth. Maybe this was what it was like? Maybe this just happened all the time? Perhaps I was just supposed to shake it off, put my clothes back on and pretend that it hadn't happened. Besides, I couldn't stay in this room; the couple next door were making a lot of noise which was just making the situation in my head even worse. At least someone was having fun. I put my clothes on and left the hotel, neglecting the fact that I was supposed to be working. I didn't see Jude on the way out, I kept my head down and shuffled home to bed. At least my mother wasn't the kind of parent to be fussy about the hours I came home, I hardy saw her most of the time as she worked too. I stripped again and crawled into bed, praying for sleep to take me.

I was woken by my phone vibrating next to me that morning. It was the hotel. I answered it, still sleepy:

"Hello?"

"Hi Magda, it's Jude." Perhaps he did care?

"Um, hi Jude. Why are you calling from work? It's my day off today."

"Yeah I know but the boss wants to see you." The tone of his voice sounded wrong. It was sinister and made my heart pound like fleeing feet upon a pavement. "You have to come in for a meeting today at twelve, it's important. Wear your uniform."I tried to ask what the meeting was about but the dial tone was my only answer. I was less concerned about my day off being interrupted and more concerned about the content of the meeting. It was probably nothing. I texted my friend Abi from work to see if she knew anything about what was going on.

Dont know bout a meetin babez. If there is one im not goin. TTYL xxx

So helpful...

I dressed and left early so that I could get a coffee on the way. I was nervous. I needed this job to live, I helped pay the rent at home. I couldn't lose it. If I lost this job it wouldn't just be me without a home it would be my mother and my sister too. I was a good worker! I'd just try and explain if I'd done anything wrong... Try and get it back. I'd not met the boss before but apparently he was a sucker for pretty girls so I'd made an effort, leaving my blonde hair down and curly and putting on one of my tighter work shirts and heels in hope of charming him into seeing my point of view. After my latte I strutted into work, trying (and probably failing) to look confident and nonchalant. Being winter in a summer resort, there still weren't a lot of customers around or staff in so I didn't have to fake a smile too many times. I walked past the front desk, down a corridor and to the boss' office. I knocked and waited outside until he told me to enter.

He sat behind a large wooden desk in a tall-backed chair. The scene was so sinister that I almost expected him to be stroking a large, white cat and tell me he'd been expecting me. Jude stood by the desk too but I tried to ignore him.

"Hello Magda. Take a seat." He was a clean cut individual, a silver fox type with steely hair, dark eyes and an immaculate suit. He was well spoken and had a voice that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention. "My name is Mathieu. I don't believe we've met before but I have been keeping track of your progress this last year and I believe we have a more suitable position for you in this company." My heart lightened. I wasn't going to lose my job! I was elated but remained silent, not wanting to push my luck and interrupt. "The position requires you to work fewer hours but is for a considerable amount more pay, the line of work is also a lot more enjoyable."