Until Nathan Found Her

Shawna knew that she wasn't the best looking girl around, but she also knew that she wasn't the worst. She had lived out most of her life as the "smart girl", or at least the girl who seemed smart to most because of the importance that she'd always placed on her education and plans for a future. This tendency for people to perceive her as smart or studious, combined with her religious and cloistered upbringing, meant that Shawna was always hiding the part of herself that she felt the most passionate about.

Yes, it was true, she was smart. Yes, she spent a lot of time on her schooling. And yes, she had finally gotten into a fairly reputable school on an academic scholarship. But Shawna had a side of her that longed for something else. She always looked at the other girls- the popular ones, and wished. Wished she was that blonde and lithe and friendly. Wished she had an easy way with conversation and a talent for making everyone in the room immediately love her. Instead, Shawna was gifted with a naturally "serious" personality (as her mother was wont to say), that, while a boon in matters of schooling and close friends, the few she had, also meant that Shawna had to try rather hard to have fun.

Before she went to college she had never gone to a party, didn't really drink, and barely ever even knew when things were happening around her high school. Oh don't get me wrong- Shawna wasn't a goody two-shoes. She had gotten drunk twice with her best friend, lost her virginity at 16, and had even had sex with another girl. But she wasn't open about those things- kept them all in the background. So to everyone else- Shawna was the smart girl.

The dreaming and thinking and planning that went into Shawna's travel to college was astounding. Having spent her senior year of high school wishing she were somewhere else, Shawna was more than ready to be at a place where no one would know here or her reputation. Arriving on campus, she thought she could be someone else. In spite of this optimism, Shawna quickly found that you can't run away from your personality.

She tried to wear all the right things this time around- she didn't actually like them.

She tried to befriend all of the right people this time around- she thought they were boring and their conversations vapid.

She tried to flirt with all the right boys this time around- She slept with one of them and realized how truly bad in bed someone c an be.

She drank (a little too much) this time around- after her first semester she realized that she didn't like the hangovers.

So after a short time, Shawna went back to being herself. The smart girl.

She still had friends, many of whom were the most popular on campus (Who would have realized that Shawna could have popular friends!). She still drank occasionally, but never quite to that level of painful excess. And she decided that the boys around her just weren't her type- she was too serious and expected too much from them to settle for a one night stand that didn't even get her off.

Shawna made these decisions, but there was one thing that she couldn't control- her fantasy life. Because you see, that was the one thing that controlled her.

For as long as she could remember, Shawna had been what she would loosely term a "sexual being". She masturbated regularly, and had run the gamut from fantasizing about sex in general to a decided fixation with bdsm and bondage play. She had never experienced these scintillating things (apart from one boyfriend asking her to tie his hands, but she didn't count that as it only happened once and that's as far as it went), and yet yearned for them nearly every day.

As a child of the 80s, 90s, and Now, Shawna had been frequenting the internet for sexual release and information since she could learn how to hide her web history. To be honest, if she wasn't such a sexual creature she probably wouldn't have lost her virginity at 16 (she initiated it), and wouldn't have had half as many of the sexual partners she had accrued (although not a large number, 5 partners at 18 years of age is more than some can claim).

Don't get me wrong- as was previously stated, Shawna wasn't the best looking girl, but she also wasn't the worst. Standing at Five feet four inches tall, Shawna was (admittedly) rather pale, but had thick brunette hair that she thought tolerable- straight, silky, cut to just below her shoulders with just a tint of copper colour naturally sprinkled throughout. She had a rather petite and yet curvy body, and by that I mean that her body was curvy in silhouette, but she had a petite cup size. To be honest, she thought that if she only had breasts she would have an enviable figure. (A fact which she planned to someday remedy)

In spite of her relative attractiveness and effort, Shawna was still searching for someone who would compare to the vision that she had created in her mind over the years. She spoke with people online- chat rooms, instant messaging, forums, but was quickly turned off by the fact that, to be honest, most of them sounded barely literate only wanted to talk dirty in garbled English while getting off as fast as possible. She dabbled in web cam, but quickly realized that they weren't safe and weren't getting her anywhere that she wanted to be. She had tried phone sex, but didn't feel safe with that option either, and actually strongly regretted ever engaging in that form of sexual experimentation.

Irregarless of her efforts, Shawna was still alone and stuck in her role as good student and smart girl.

Until Nathan found her.