"So what do you want to do?"
Lena looked over at her ex, Myer. "Nothing. I don't care."
"Ok, let's walk around campus, then, I need some exercise."
They walked and she felt herself slowly enjoying their gait, and the way they accidentally brushed into each other, sometimes. She discreetly looked at him and took in his tailored coat, his messy black hair, his piercing blue eyes, and his uneffacing arrogance. He was too adorable. She wished that things had been different with them, that she'd been more open, that he'd been more open. She'd taken his good-heartedness for granted, and since she'd been so scared over her first real relationship, she'd treated him badly. She'd never let him into her emotions, complained when he'd opened doors. She'd wanted to be treated like everyone else. But now, a year since he broke up with her, she missed him.
****
"So, how was dinner with Myer?"
"It was good."
She looked at Ahren. He was an asshole, but he was easy to talk to and kept her secrets. And she wouldn't let him know it, but damn was she attracted to him. He had these long, shoulder length, heavy black curls streaked with glints of red. Of course, he'd done the red part himself. He did it because he was upset with his Jewish heritage, but she didn't mind it at all. She also didn't mind that he had a wicked lip piercing. It looked like a soul patch like that, but it was so sexy. She almost sighed. He would be perfect if he didn't have those black black eyes that made every woman feel special. That was the problem. She'd succumbed to those eyes before and had been briefly heartbroken. She remembered walking in happily to tell Karen about the possibility of dating Ahren, but had found her crying. Karen told her that she had cheated on her boyfriend with Ahren the night before. That's when she realized that she'd been mistaken. Ahren only wanted sex. She'd thought there might be something more in him, even though she'd been warned and knew that it was almost impossible. That was her fault. She'd had always had hope. She would never make that mistake again, sex was just sex to her now unless stated otherwise.
"Len?" Ahren touched her arm, and she had to stamp down the sharp thrill that went through to her. None of that, she thought.
"What, sorry?"
"I said, do you want to come over later and watch The Daily Show?" He smiled at her in that way that made her heat up all desire and then feel ashamed.
"Sure. Have nothing better to do." She smiled, one of her arrogant smiles, the ones she liked to hide herself under best.
****
She walked up to Myer's dorm room. There was a party there. She didn't know why she always went to these parties. Maybe just to see him. She honestly didn't think that Myer was attractive enough for her in a way; he had a silly style and was weird and although he had a roman statue body, he also had a hawk nose. But in some way he was endearing and she was still in love with him.
Myer lifted his bushy eyebrows in greeting when she came in. "Welcome to the party!"
She could tell he was already drunk by the way he graciously poured everyone in the room rum and cokes. "One for you and you and you." Scratch that, she thought. Totally smashed.
She wondered if he would maybe sleep with her tonight. They had a habit of that, even though it was hell on her heartstrings. She was a little plain and skinny for anyone else to like, she supposed. Even her hair was an undistinguishing shade of brown. She wasn't pessimistic, though. Her best features were her full lips (which she tried to accent as often as possible with shiny cranberry gloss) and her sage green eyes. Her nose was okay; it was straight and normal sized at least.
She sat down on the dorm bunk and Ahren sat next to her. She noticed he pressed his knee as close to her as possible. She covertly watched to see if Myer noticed. He was pouring another drink for Vanessa, a blond with dumb highlights and an attitude.
She sighed. "I wish people would be less shallow."
"You and me both, babe."
She started, looking at Ahren. She hadn't even noticed she'd spoken. His dark crystal eyes seemed to access everything about her. But that's silly, she thought. He would never think twice about her. He's just a player and a mean one at that.
As the evening progressed, she just sat on the bed drinking scotch, watching Myer flirt with Vanessa. She hoped he was happy, but she didn't want to think of anyone with Myer, lying like they had, his hands caressing her thighs in the morning.
"Vanessa's such a bitch. Even I wouldn't sleep with her." Ahren saluted Vanessa the bird from across the room. She was too busy squeezing Myer's arm to notice.
"Yeah, I guess so. As long as Myer's happy though," she said amicably. She didn't want Myer to overhear her bashing that bitch.
Ahren fixed a good long stare at her. One she was uncomfortable with. It seemed to look right at her and read her mind. I need to get a grip, she thought. He knows nothing about how I think. Or how I feel, she thought as she gazed at Myer, who was touching the underside of Vanessa. Suddenly she wanted to get out.
"God. This party is so boring." She whispered conspiratorially to Ahren, a faint flashy smile on her lips.
He returned a knowing smile. "I know, just a bunch of random hook-ups," he quipped. "And you know there will be the unnecessary drama in the morning."
"Yeah," she said. "I'm sick of drama. No more drama for me."
"Well in that case," Ahren said, looking into her, burning into her with his eyes, "Why don't you come to my room and watch the The Office with me? No drama, no pressure. A way to get away from this bullshit."
"You're on," Lena said. Thank God someone understood, even if they were an asshole.
****
She felt weird as she climbed the steps to Ahren's room. Why did I agree to do this? We don't even hang out all that much. She saw Ahren's ass in his tight green wash jeans. Oh yeah, that's why, she thought. I need to get laid more often; I can't just hang out with every cute male that comes in my presence.
Ahren looked back at her and she quickly averted her gaze. She looked up and he was laughing at her with his eyes. Was it maliciously or was she seeing something else?
"You coming?" he said, raising an infuriating eyebrow.
"Of course." She wouldn't break. She flashed him a smile bright as her cranberry lip-gloss.
****
They were in Ahren's room. She'd fallen asleep after the umpteenth episode of The Office. She must have shifted in her sleep, because she woke up curled against his waist, her mouth dangerously close to that dangerous part of his jeans. No more, she thought. She heard Ahren stir and quickly pretended to be asleep. She didn't want to be bothered.
"Lena?" He muttered groggily into his pillow. She kept her eyes prized shut.
He groaned a little and she felt his pelvis area uncomfortably close to her mouth. "Lena?" He said a little more softly. She could feel his eyes on her. She was tingling and she wanted, she wanted, something. She wanted him. She hated to admit it, even to herself, but she was wet already and wanted him. Even if he was an asshole player, the sex she'd had with him was the most erotic and satisfying of her life. Her eyes still glazed over whenever she thought about the one time they were together.
"Lena?" His voice was a little harder now.
"Lena, are you awake?" She felt him move.
He paused for a tense moment. Then, she felt his hands slowly tangling themselves in her hair. They traveled almost frantically lower, feeling her breasts over the soft cotton of her white tee. He traced the outline of her bra through it, then quickly lifted her shirt. She could feel his arms wrap under her and in a second, her bra and shirt were pushed up over her neck and she was topless.
"Lena?" He must have thought she was still drunk. They'd been drinking before and she was known to completely pass out.
Then he was on her, unsnapping the button on her jeans. He slowly lowered the zipper. She wanted to cry out then, but she wanted to know what happened next. He gave a little sigh of approval at her lacey red boyshorts, but he soon shifted them down.
His eyes touched her, all over her body, she could feel him drinking her in. He placed a light touch and she felt his fingers in the curly scratch of her pubic hair. His thumb massaged her clit and he stuck a hard finger inside her. She moaned a little, squirming her hips under his attention. She hoped it sounded unconscious.
He suddenly moved from her. She almost moaned again, but she heard rustling and realized he must be taking off his clothes. She heard the crinkling of a condom wrapper.
She felt him, hard and large, against her thigh. "Lena." His voice was like a scattered restless sigh. She felt him enter into her and suddenly felt scared at what she was doing. She opened her eyes.
"Ahren? Ahren?" She felt her worried voice and realized that she was more worried about the excitement and what it meant, than him.
"Lena." He cocked his head up at her.
"Stop, Ahren, what are you doing, stop." She struggled against him, frightened, trying to move him out of her.
"Ahren. Stop." She pushed against his chest and implored pleadingly into his unresponsive black eyes. She was trying to distance herself. She felt so ashamed of her body's reactions. She was wet. She wanted him to continue, to fuck her. She must be some kind of psycho.
He was still for a minute and stroked her hair. She felt relief, but when she tried to push herself against him, he took hold of her wrists and twisted them against the headboard.
"No!" she cried. She struggled against him, managing to break away, and pressed her knee, hard, into where he could feel it.
"Bitch!" He sucked in a breath and backhanded her. She felt the blow and fell limp against the covers; she tasted blood in her cheek. She was too lightheaded to feel him wrap his belt around her wrists to the headboard.
She moaned weakly as she felt him at the tip of her entrance. Then he was huge and hard inside her, stretching and filling her out. But he was angry. He thrust into her roughly, hurting her. She cried out, begging him to stop. He just laughed and slapped her again. His face was hovering over her, darkly grinning at her. Her eyes were watering, but there was pleasure with the pain. She couldn't stop herself from thrusting up to meet him. He noticed and gripped her hair, pulling her face up an inch from him. She could see his dark laughing eyes and his spiked black lashes.
He gave a short, derisive laugh. "You like that, bitch, huh?" He said it almost caressingly.
She whimpered. She didn't want to be hurt. "Please." He slapped her again, hard. She could feel her ears ringing.
"I said, do you like it, you fucking whore." She tried to force her head out of his grasp, but his fingers were iron and his eyes intent. "Look at me and say it."
She whimpered. "Please, don't." She hated the sound of her voice, the humiliation.
He glared at her, his eyes promising her all kinds of hatred, and he roughly thrust into her again, making her gasp.
He gripped her chin harder, his eyes boring into hers. "You like this?"
