"So what do you want to do?"
Lena looked over at her ex, Myer. "Nothing. I don't care."
"Ok, let's walk around campus, then, I need some exercise."
They walked and she felt herself slowly enjoying their gait, and the way they accidentally brushed into each other, sometimes. She discreetly looked at him and took in his tailored coat, his messy black hair, his piercing blue eyes, and his uneffacing arrogance. He was too adorable. She wished that things had been different with them, that she'd been more open, that he'd been more open. She'd taken his good-heartedness for granted, and since she'd been so scared over her first real relationship, she'd treated him badly. She'd never let him into her emotions, complained when he'd opened doors. She'd wanted to be treated like everyone else. But now, a year since he broke up with her, she missed him.
****
"So, how was dinner with Myer?"
"It was good."
She looked at Ahren. He was an asshole, but he was easy to talk to and kept her secrets. And she wouldn't let him know it, but damn was she attracted to him. He had these long, shoulder length, heavy black curls streaked with glints of red. Of course, he'd done the red part himself. He did it because he was upset with his Jewish heritage, but she didn't mind it at all. She also didn't mind that he had a wicked lip piercing. It looked like a soul patch like that, but it was so sexy. She almost sighed. He would be perfect if he didn't have those black black eyes that made every woman feel special. That was the problem. She'd succumbed to those eyes before and had been briefly heartbroken. She remembered walking in happily to tell Karen about the possibility of dating Ahren, but had found her crying. Karen told her that she had cheated on her boyfriend with Ahren the night before. That's when she realized that she'd been mistaken. Ahren only wanted sex. She'd thought there might be something more in him, even though she'd been warned and knew that it was almost impossible. That was her fault. She'd had always had hope. She would never make that mistake again, sex was just sex to her now unless stated otherwise.
"Len?" Ahren touched her arm, and she had to stamp down the sharp thrill that went through to her. None of that, she thought.
"What, sorry?"
"I said, do you want to come over later and watch The Daily Show?" He smiled at her in that way that made her heat up all desire and then feel ashamed.
"Sure. Have nothing better to do." She smiled, one of her arrogant smiles, the ones she liked to hide herself under best.
****
She walked up to Myer's dorm room. There was a party there. She didn't know why she always went to these parties. Maybe just to see him. She honestly didn't think that Myer was attractive enough for her in a way; he had a silly style and was weird and although he had a roman statue body, he also had a hawk nose. But in some way he was endearing and she was still in love with him.
Myer lifted his bushy eyebrows in greeting when she came in. "Welcome to the party!"
She could tell he was already drunk by the way he graciously poured everyone in the room rum and cokes. "One for you and you and you." Scratch that, she thought. Totally smashed.
She wondered if he would maybe sleep with her tonight. They had a habit of that, even though it was hell on her heartstrings. She was a little plain and skinny for anyone else to like, she supposed. Even her hair was an undistinguishing shade of brown. She wasn't pessimistic, though. Her best features were her full lips (which she tried to accent as often as possible with shiny cranberry gloss) and her sage green eyes. Her nose was okay; it was straight and normal sized at least.
She sat down on the dorm bunk and Ahren sat next to her. She noticed he pressed his knee as close to her as possible. She covertly watched to see if Myer noticed. He was pouring another drink for Vanessa, a blond with dumb highlights and an attitude.
She sighed. "I wish people would be less shallow."
"You and me both, babe."
She started, looking at Ahren. She hadn't even noticed she'd spoken. His dark crystal eyes seemed to access everything about her. But that's silly, she thought. He would never think twice about her. He's just a player and a mean one at that.
As the evening progressed, she just sat on the bed drinking scotch, watching Myer flirt with Vanessa. She hoped he was happy, but she didn't want to think of anyone with Myer, lying like they had, his hands caressing her thighs in the morning.
"Vanessa's such a bitch. Even I wouldn't sleep with her." Ahren saluted Vanessa the bird from across the room. She was too busy squeezing Myer's arm to notice.
"Yeah, I guess so. As long as Myer's happy though," she said amicably. She didn't want Myer to overhear her bashing that bitch.
Ahren fixed a good long stare at her. One she was uncomfortable with. It seemed to look right at her and read her mind. I need to get a grip, she thought. He knows nothing about how I think. Or how I feel, she thought as she gazed at Myer, who was touching the underside of Vanessa. Suddenly she wanted to get out.
"God. This party is so boring." She whispered conspiratorially to Ahren, a faint flashy smile on her lips.
He returned a knowing smile. "I know, just a bunch of random hook-ups," he quipped. "And you know there will be the unnecessary drama in the morning."
"Yeah," she said. "I'm sick of drama. No more drama for me."
"Well in that case," Ahren said, looking into her, burning into her with his eyes, "Why don't you come to my room and watch the The Office with me? No drama, no pressure. A way to get away from this bullshit."
"You're on," Lena said. Thank God someone understood, even if they were an asshole.
****
She felt weird as she climbed the steps to Ahren's room. Why did I agree to do this? We don't even hang out all that much. She saw Ahren's ass in his tight green wash jeans. Oh yeah, that's why, she thought. I need to get laid more often; I can't just hang out with every cute male that comes in my presence.
Ahren looked back at her and she quickly averted her gaze. She looked up and he was laughing at her with his eyes. Was it maliciously or was she seeing something else?
"You coming?" he said, raising an infuriating eyebrow.
"Of course." She wouldn't break. She flashed him a smile bright as her cranberry lip-gloss.
****
They were in Ahren's room. She'd fallen asleep after the umpteenth episode of The Office. She must have shifted in her sleep, because she woke up curled against his waist, her mouth dangerously close to that dangerous part of his jeans. No more, she thought. She heard Ahren stir and quickly pretended to be asleep. She didn't want to be bothered.
"Lena?" He muttered groggily into his pillow. She kept her eyes prized shut.
He groaned a little and she felt his pelvis area uncomfortably close to her mouth. "Lena?" He said a little more softly. She could feel his eyes on her. She was tingling and she wanted, she wanted, something. She wanted him. She hated to admit it, even to herself, but she was wet already and wanted him. Even if he was an asshole player, the sex she'd had with him was the most erotic and satisfying of her life. Her eyes still glazed over whenever she thought about the one time they were together.
"Lena?" His voice was a little harder now.
