I have been experimenting with some new grasses. I have one field dedicated to this. Some of the grasses are a little delicate in the earlier stages and I have the field posted to prevent people walking all over it. The delicate ones will probably fall by the wayside, as you need a certain amount of robustness, but a couple of them will make nice ornamental grasses for special areas.
So here I have this nice big field covered in various shades of green. Posted prominently on all four sides of the field are big signs saying keep off, no trespassing. As well as the nice field and the four big signs I also had this nice little bevy of young ladies having a picnic in the middle of the field, trampling over my young plants, scattering who knows what amongst them.
I strolled over to the women, and stood looking down at them. They didn't even bother to stand when I came up, just continuing to relax and enjoy their picnic.
"Afternoon," I said grumpily. You will notice I specifically refrained from wishing them a good afternoon.
One of the women smiled and wished me a good afternoon. The other two ignored me.
"May I ask if you ladies noticed the signs scattered around this field?" I asked. "Assuming that's your car over there, you'll have noticed one right next to where you're parked."
"So what?" asked one of the women. "We're not hurting anything. Some grump doesn't want people mucking around on his field. Big deal. It's not as though there are any animals for us to frighten."
"Well, I'm the grump and I want you off my land. Now or sooner. You may not be scaring any animals but you're interfering with my grasses and damaging them. People generally have reasons for putting up no trespassing signs. Polite people obey them."
"Oh, gee, we're walking on your grass. How terrible. What will we do? Let's all hang our heads in shame."
Sarcastic bitch.
"Do you know anything about the cultivation of new breeds of hybrid grasses?" I asked. "The reason I ask is because that's what you're currently damaging. There's a lot of work in this field, even if you are too ignorant to understand it. Pack your stuff and move along, please.""
"OK. You've made your point. We'll finish our lunch and then we'll be gone. Geez, get a grip on yourself."
"Apparently I haven't made my point," I retorted. "You have the sequence wrong. It's a case of be gone and then finish your lunch, somewhere else."
"Do you have any objection to us having a picnic in the next field?" the sarcastic woman asked, glaring at me.
"I don't. I don't own that field. The cows might but that's your problem, not mine. Oh, and if bull is loose he'll most definitely object but, again, that will be your problem."
The three young ladies turned to look at the next field and at just that moment the bull came trotting along beside the fence. He was a very large bull. There was a general shaking of heads when they saw him.
"Ah, if it's all the same, we'll stay here," said one girl nervously, watching the bull.
Just how thick could you get? Very, it seems, if you're female.
"It is NOT all the same," I stated forcefully. "The longer you stay here the more damage you do. I want you out and I want you out now."
"OK. So you've said. We'll leave in a few moments. No need to rush us. The grass will still be here when we leave. We promise not to steal any of it."
That was Miss Sarcastic sounding off again.
"I can't believe you're as stupid as you're trying to pretend," I told her. "I must assume that you're stalling because you want something."
I looked her up and down, stripping her with my eyes, letting her see I was doing it.
"I bet you're after some wild, no holds barred, sex with a hick farmer," I said while a nasty smile. "If you're still here in five minutes I'll give it to you. I guess it might be worth the damage to the grass."
The three of them looked slightly appalled.
"You wouldn't dare," gasped Miss Sarcastic. "We'd have you arrested if you try to lay one finger on us."
"It's not a finger I'll be laying," I said with crude innuendo. "I'm taking remaining here as permission and I'm letting you know that I'm taking it as permission."