I have led a life of tragedy. I have lost a son and a wife in the past 4 years and I have been left alone in my life with little family and few friends.
I lost my son in a car accident and he was really our world. The man who hit him had been drinking and that made me very angry for the past 4 years. In a blink of an eye all our hopes and dreams were crushed. A few years after that my wife got cancer and a year later she died so I have been alone in this big old Victorian home for the past year. Unfortunately I was left here feeling angry and alone. Mainly I was feeling sorry for myself for the most part. I have not been in a good frame of mind.
I now live off the insurance that I received from my wife's death. I lost my job as a loan officer at one of the large banks shortly after my wife died. Apparently attendance is really mandatory to hold a position at the bank. I really shouldn't be mad at them they certainly were patient with me and very understanding the 3 previous years. I think they finally realized that I was never going to turn the corner and return to my old self.
All of my friends and most of my family have come to the same conclusion. At first everyone was very understanding and they all tried to be so helpful. I was angry and annoyed and the help was never well received. No one connected with me and I felt they could never know the type of pain I was feeling so I shut them out. Many friends and family members tried to connect with me and I shut them all out.
A few months ago I heard from one of my wife's friends. She said she was coming out west and that she would like to see me. The past few years she was in Asia working so I am sure she had no idea my state of mind. The last few times she had come to visit us she stayed at the house in one of the many spare bedrooms and this time it made me mad just thinking about her coming here. I didn't need any help and she was certainly not welcome, but she must have missed my subtle hints so she came any way.
May showed up in a cab around noon one Sunday. I was past caring about my appearance in those days so I had not shaved in days and greeted her in my house robe. I could see the sadness in her eyes as I opened the door. She gave me a look that I will never forget. I think seeing me broke her heart just a little and for some odd reason I felt someone understood for a second how I had been feeling.
"Oh John it's good to see you I am sorry I couldn't come earlier." May said as she gave me a long hug in the doorway.
"Sorry for how I look May I have been a little depressed lately." I said apologetically.
"Well let's just see if we can perk you up a bit." May said and I remembered many of our friends and family saying these exact same words over the past few years. It was almost always followed by them making me a big meal like that was the core root of my problems.
"Maybe I can make us a nice lunch." May said predictably putting her bags down in the entryway and then walking briskly to the kitchen.
The connection I felt briefly with May was gone. I now felt angry that she was here in my house trying to fix me like so many others had attempted. A big bowl of soup maybe some roast beef and a little conversation and I would be all better. What would have made me happy is for her to understand my hurt and have simply hugged me at the door then turn back down the walk way knowing she could not do anything to heal me. That part never worked out the way I wanted it to.
I brought May's bags upstairs and put them in a bedroom furthest from my own. I had abandoned the master bedroom after my wife died and I took the room facing North at the far end of one hall it was dark and quiet in there. I put here in a sunny south facing room that my mother in law always insisted on staying in.
I entered the kitchen to find May searching thru the freezer for something she could cook. May heard me come in and turned toward me.
"There isn't a thing to eat in this house?" May said and then waited for an answer from me.
"Hmmm... I guess I can go out and get some things from the store if I am going to be staying here for a week. Can I borrow your car?" May said turning and moving my way.
"Oh you are staying for a week?" I said boggled.
I handed May the keys to my BMW and she went out to the front of the house to get her shoes. I was following her trying to get my head wrapped around the idea that she was going to be invading my space for a whole week.
"Yeah I think I might have to stay longer judging by the way you and this old dirty house looks." May turned and gave me a hug. "I will take care of you for a bit I know it is hard."
With that May grabbed her hand bag and went out to the store. I hopped she would just run away from me and my dirty old house, but eventually she returned.
"I am going to make you a great lunch and then we are going to get you cleaned up." May said dropping her shoes at the door and making her way down the hall to the kitchen.
I was sitting in the front room reading the paper and I wasn't about to be any help to her. I thought the sooner she realizes she cannot help me the sooner she will be gone. 15 minutes later she came out of the kitchen with a seafood salad and a bowl of soup.