Author's Note:
And the Excuse THIS time is my laptop was broken for a while and needed repairing, then something something writers block. At this point, I'm not going to make anymore promises, that being said, hope you enjoy this one.
*****
It was a boisterous evening that late July, pubs had been filled with supporters of the local team as well as their jeers and complaints when the colours of their pride were worn by the losers of the match.
Not that it changed much, everyone was still loud and having fun, knocking back ciders and lagers like parched throats in the desert. Match day was just an excuse to get out and have fun with the mates, people would complain and moan but win or lose, people came out only because it was fun to do so.
Or rather, this was the case for all except one corner of the room.
Two men, one more hammered than the other with problems that went beyond the scope of the winners of a footy match.
His name was Ralph Walker and two months prior he had been dumped by his girlfriend.
"It's not my fault I'm so damn short!" He moaned, the stench of alcohol pungent on his breath.
The 5"3 man was currently emptying the troubles of his heart as fast as he drained the drink from his glass while his best friend suffered the pain of listening to his inebriated babbling all the while.
"It's ok bud." He answered half-tired, half-amused at his pint sized friend's broken heart.
"I mean, it's all down to genetics and stuff innit?" He continued
"Absolutely"
"I'm not even that tiny! Do I look like some midget to you?"
"'Course not"
"It's not my fault my parents gave birth to some freak of vertical nature..."
"Damn that nature"
"Nature's a bitch!"
Ralph took another swig from his long emptied glass. He looked at the bartender as if to ask for a refill, but his disapproving glare made him shut his mouth.
His friend sighed, exhausted just from listening to his friend but even more so because this wasn't the first time he'd endured his friend's rejection episodes.
"Maybe you should give up on getting a girlfriend dude. The hermit life might be for you, and you'll doing our planet a service by not contributing to overpopulation"
Ralph turned to him with a flushed face and unfocused eyes, far too hammered for his own good, it was impressive that he could hear his friend despite his intoxication.
"Absolutely fuck no! I just haven't found the right one yet! I'll get her soon, just you wait!"
"Ralph, this was the third rejection this monthβThe TWELTH this year!"
"That's not too bad though..."
"It's barely even the middle of March!"
Ralph made a dismissive gesture and again, stole a swig from his empty glass.
"Seriously, just you wait bro! I'll snag me a real knockout someday, one that likes me for who I am!"
"A vertically challenged drunk?"
"Yeah! That thing!"
And he got what he wished for not a week later. He met her on a dating website, one of hundreds he had bookmarked and prowled on regularly.
She wasn't the first person he had tried to date that claimed she was interested in shorter guys, she's just the only one that didn't lose interest or stand him up afterwards.
But he wasn't expecting her to be a giant that was for sure. Cindy Stokes towered over him, a good two feet taller than he was. She had long red hair and skyblue eyes that reflected a sort of liveliness that made her feel younger than she actually was or appeared to be. Her plush pink lips seemed permanently curved in a joyful grin and while she hid her body under a turtleneck sweater, it was pretty obvious that her tits were equally as freakishly huge as she was.
They hit it off alright, and Ralph learned Cindy had just as much trouble with relationships as he did.
"Seriously? With a body like that? Who would be crazy enough to turn you down?" His question was met with a polite smile and a dainty chuckle. They may have had similar bad luck but she clearly took it in stride more than he did.
"Oh? Don't you have a silver tongue. I think some guys are just intimidated by me, they don't make girls in my size these days wouldn't you say?"
"That's a shame too, I wouldn't mind having a couple thousand more hotties like you walking around"
It was a bad pick up line to be sure but it was also the genuine truth. Giant tits, broad hips and a smile that could melt the ice caps, not to mention funny and a blast to talk to in general, she was almost too perfect.
What could anyone possibly not see in her?
"A 'hottie' am I?" Cindy purred, shooting her eyebrows up in mirthful surprise. She leaned forward over their shared table, briefly startling Ralph who's thoughts turned to her poorly contained chest knocking over glasses and menus. When nothing of the sort happened, he looked back to her face, now inches from his own and grew captivated by her marvellous smile, her hypnotic eyes, her beauty in general.
"Then tell me Mr. Charmer, do I intimidate you too?"
The truth was she did and Ralph was about to lie hoping to get in her good books. But her eyes, more like a clear crystal than the empty sky, made him imagine his true feelings being reflected in her gleaming gaze.