To Love and Obey

Thank you Gustavca for your help with editing this story

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There was a possibility I was pregnant with William's child and the guilt and self-reproach for what I had done was overwhelming. I had felt drawn to William. He was physically attractive, smart, and ambitious. He treated me as if I mattered to him, was important to him regardless of racial and social taboos. I think William, in his own way, offered closeness and intimacy with another person, something I so desperately wanted and needed but I couldn't get from Robert.

I broke it off with William never telling him about the pregnancy. My tears and regret, along with his anger, recriminations, and of course hurt masculine pride filled our last meeting.

"Suppose I'm not ready for it to end?" he said angrily. "I could fuck you right here and no one would know, Cass. I could bend you over, fuck you hard, put your ass in that buggy and send you home, wet with my cum dripping out of you and you wouldn't tell a soul, would you?"

He'd never spoken to me like that. I had never felt threatened or frightened by William, but I did that day. He came toward me and I flinched when he suddenly lifted his hand. He looked at me, surprised at my reaction.

"Did you think I was going to hit you?" he said with disbelief in his voice. "Go home, Cassie . . . go home."

That was the last time I saw or heard from William.

Though not perfect, our lives soon fell into a familiar pattern. Robert was usually at his office in town during the day and I spent most of mine gardening (his mother had cultivated the most beautiful rose garden), working with my horses, visiting friends, charity work and occasionally substituting at the school.

I did not leave Robert, learning I was pregnant all but made that impossible. Except for Janine, no one else knew I was expecting, not even Momma. It was difficult not to tell her, I think in my heart I knew it was Robert's child but, the fact remained, I had been with both men and the possibility of either being the father was undeniable. I didn't feel I could deal with the questions or the necessary lies, and so I said nothing for as long as I possibly could. It was still very early in my pregnancy and, if Janine was right, with my small frame and this being my first baby, I might not become obvious until my fourth or maybe even fifth month, time enough for me to figure out what I was going to do.

*****

Janine and I were in the garden gathering the last of the roses one afternoon.

"You feeling okay, honey?" Janine asked.

"Oh yes, I'm a little tired, but I feel fine," I said.

She turned, picked a few more flowers then, out of the blue, "When was the last time you seen William?" she wanted to know.

I looked at her puzzled.

"Janine, why would you ask me about William? You know I ended it with him. I haven't seen or heard from him in weeks."

I stood there watching her, remembering the last time William and I had been together, feeling more than ever convinced I had made the right decision. The pain and heartbreak from Robert and the betrayal of Janine had felt crushingly oppressive for a long time; William helped me see that I could be happy. What happened between William and me was wrong, and as horrible and insensitive as Robert could be, he was still my husband.

Nothing in my background or experience had prepared me for my marriage or life with a person like Robert Grafton. Though I could never forgive and forget the things that had happened, I tried desperately to reconcile what I had hoped my life would be with what it actually had become.

The sound of Janine's voice startled me out of my revelry, "I said, I guess you don't need to worry about him anymore, good riddance. I know you cared about him, Sweetness, but we both know it was for the best." Janine repeated herself.

"What do you mean, I don't need to worry about him?"

Janine took a deep breath and pretended she was arranging the flowers. "Last I heard he married that girl he'd been seeing. He'd gotten her pregnant, you know. Seems William got into some kinda accident, and they just all a sudden packed up and moved all the way out to Toledo Bend."

"Janine, that makes no sense at all. William had worked very hard to get his business started here and his brother is here too. He'd never just pack up and move away like that," I said.

"Well, I don't know about all that, but that's what I heard."

That night at dinner, we were talking, and without thinking, I foolishly asked Robert if he had heard anything about William Lathrop suddenly moving out of town.

He stopped eating and looked at me guardedly, before saying, "As a matter of fact, I did hear something about that. I was at William's shop a few weeks back and it was boarded up then. Pendleton says he decided to move to Toledo Bend out in Sabine County. His new wife has people up that way."

"Robert, that doesn't make sense," I said skeptically.

"You seem awful interested in this William. You and William were friends, weren't you?" he asked watching me closely.

"We were acquaintances," I said, unable to look at him. "You can't have forgotten you've had him here working off and on for at least the last three or four months."

He got up, walked over to the open dining room window and lit one of his cheroots.

"You know Chuck Jimerson? He works at the livery?" he asked matter of factly. "He says a couple of times when he's been shoeing horses out at old Mrs. Bingham's, he's seen you and William out on the back road talking, real friendly like talking and when you'd see him coming, you'd ride off down the road and William would head off in the other direction. Now, Cassie, the question in my mind is why would Mrs. Robert Grafton be out on a deserted back road talking real friendly to a nigger?"

With clear certainty the thought 'he knows' formed in my mind and then the realization that it was him, he had hurt William.

"How could you let that nigger touch you?" he shouted, his face contorted in rage.

He came around the dining table and grabbing my arms pulled me so close I could smell the alcohol on his breath, "You little whore, you let him fuck you, didn't you? You're not going to tell me he forced you, are you, Cassie? We both know that would be a lie," he all but spat the words into my face.

Hearing the ruckus, Janine ran from the kitchen into the dining room. Seeing Robert, she began trying to pull him off me, to pry his hands away.

"Mr. Robert, Mr. Robert, stop, please stop, you're going to hurt her . . . stop!" Janine screamed at him.

He pushed me away from him and I stumbled backward into one of the chairs and sat down.

I looked up at him defiantly, "what did you do to him? What did you do?" I screamed.

He looked at me as if he wanted to strangle me and said, "Did you think I wouldn't find out about you two, Cassie? I had a couple of men go out to his shack. I thought about having the nigger killed, but decided a good beating would be enough to persuade him to stay away from you."

"It was over, Robert, had been over. Why did you have to hurt him?" I foolishly asked in my naiveté.

He said nothing, just stood there seething, and then, "Why, Cassie, why with a nigger?" He asked taking my face in his hands.

"Oh my god! Is that all you're concerned about? His being a nigger? Would it have been okay if he had been a white man?" I replied angrily. "I cared about him, you bastard! Can you understand that? Robert, do you know how much I wanted to love you? You didn't want that from me, did you? Can you even imagine what it's been like knowing, feeling that I had never been anything to you except . . . except a receptacle?"

Janine hurriedly came and stood next to my chair and started schussing me, "That's enough, honey, don't say any more. Please, baby, that's enough."

I turned and looking directly at Robert wanting to hurt him, not caring what I said, "I wonder, is this how it was for your first wife, Robert? She wasn't a tramp or whore like you wanted people to believe, was she? I mean, like me, did she finally have to turn to someone else because you kept rejecting her, because you really didn't want her as a wife? You couldn't forgive her for that, could you? Even though it was you who pushed her to it."

He looked as if I'd slapped him.

I sat there, Janine holding my hand, my hot tears falling unchecked.

He went to the sideboard, poured himself a brandy and without looking at me again or speaking, walked into his library slamming the door closed behind him.

He didn't come to bed that night.

When I came into the kitchen that next morning, my eyes still red from crying, hair uncombed, face puffy, Janine came to me her arms open and gave me a hard, warm hug. I asked if she had seen Robert.

She poured a cup of hot coffee for herself and one for me.

Janine took a sip of the hot coffee. "I heard him blundering around in here in the middle of the night and got up. He looked horrible. Don't think he slept a wink, but I suspect he did a lot of thinking last night.

He seemed like he needed to talk. Of course, at first he wanted to make this all your doing, and started calling you a slut and whore, until I had to put a stop to that because that wasn't right or true, and he knew that. I had to remind him, that he'd been drinking hard and playing with real whores long before he married you and for a while after.

He didn't like what I had to say, but I said it anyway. I told him that in some ways, he made you turn to William. The man's color aside, I told Mr. Robert I thought you maybe got from William the things you wouldn't or couldn't get from him. He was furious when he stormed out of here before light this morning, said he'd be gone for a couple of days."

Janine covered my hand with her's and gave it a comforting squeeze, "Sweetness, don't let yourself try and carry the whole blame for this mess. Mr. Robert, heaven knows, is responsible for a lot of this. Hell, for most of this in my opinion. Miss Cassie, I know he can be a hard man and, cause of the kind of man he is, it's gonna be hard for him to get past this, and maybe even to forgive you, but in my heart I really believe he can. Lord knows I can't explain why Mr. Robert is like he is, but he needs you, Miss Cassie."

*****

With so many things still up in the air, I stayed close to home and tried to keep busy wanting to be at home when Robert returned. One morning, I spent several hours with Matthew, the wrangler, in the east corral helping him work a couple of the horses. After lunch, I decided to go down to the stable to curry my mare, Apple. The dogs had been loudly barking and playing about the stables most of the day suddenly quieted and I turned to see Robert standing just inside the gate, with the dogs sitting quietly at his side.

I could feel my heart beating fast and swayed slightly with the sensation of lightheadedness. "How long have you been standing there?" I asked.

"Not long. I saw Matt in the corral when I rode up, and the dogs running around loose and I figured you were probably in here."

"Have you eaten? There's still plenty left from lunch, I'll go inside and have Janine fix you something," I said.

"No, I'm not hungry," he replied.

As I walked past him heading for the house, he took my arm and pulled me to him, my breasts pressing against his chest and his hips pressing, pushing against mine. Lifting my chin he kissed me with a desperate urgency that made me break the kiss and look up at him searching for an inkling of what he was thinking, feeling.

"I've missed you, Cass," his mouth finding mine once more; his warm, moist tongue slipping between my parted lips.

He took my hand and placed it on his crotch wanting me to stroke his quickly enlarging cock. When it became large, swollen and uncomfortable, he unbuttoned his trousers and freed himself. He sat down on an old workbench and pulled me between his legs.

"Robert, not here. Suppose Matthew comes back, he'll see us," I said embarrassed at the thought of Matt coming upon us, standing in the shadows watching as I sucked Robert's cock.

"So what if he does come back? Do you think that would be the first time he'd seen a man getting his cock attended to? You're my wife, this is exactly what you should be doing, sucking my dick."

At those words, disappointment washed over me in a cold wave and, trying to hold back my tears, I thought, 'nothing has changed, nothing will ever change.' I stood up to leave, tears brimming, threatening to fall.

"Cass, I didn't mean that," he said.

Hurt feelings notwithstanding, I looked at him and knew how much I had also missed him. I missed his scent, the touch of his hands, and the feel of his cock inside me. When he took my hands and kissed them, letting his warm, moist tongue lick, and tease the palms of my hands, I felt that familiar yearning and knelt down between his outstretched legs.

He held his cock and rubbed it across my lips until I opened my mouth, and he slowly let his cock slide in and then pulled it out. Stroking and rotating his hand up and down the shaft of his cock, establishing a perfect rhythm, he closed his eyes and began to moan with each stroke. He thrusts so deep into my mouth, I felt the warmth of his balls against my chin and smell the faint musk of his sexual arousal. He pulled his cock out until only his cockhead was in my mouth and I let my tongue flick along the rim of his crown and gently slip into his pee hole, feeling the sticky sensation of pre-cum seeping out. When his cock became rock hard, he pushed it deeper, and I felt him jerk when he orgasmed; his cum slowly oozing down my throat.

When he was finished, he kept me there, kneeling between his legs, as he combed through my hair with his fingers and licked away the last of his cum that had escaped from the corner of my mouth. Recovered, he stood up, buttoned his trousers and extending his hand to me. We walked silently into the house.

*****

We desperately needed to talk and I thought Robert felt the same way. I nervously looked forward to dinner that evening as a chance for us to do exactly that. My surprise and disappointment was obvious when, after taking special care with my hair and attire, I stepped into the dining room and was greeted by not only Robert, but also two of his business associates.

"Gentlemen," I said as graciously as I could manage. "Welcome, please sit down. If I had had more notice of your coming, I would have had Janine prepare something truly special for you, though I'm sure you'll find what she has for you tonight delicious."

Dinner was pleasant and uneventful. I excused myself around eight o'clock and as I stood, Robert pulled my chair out. I could feel his eyes on me. Glancing up our eyes met for a moment before he looked away and I turned and made my way upstairs. Robert and the men adjourned to his library to discuss more business matters and enjoy a last brandy.

It was after eleven o'clock when Robert came into our bedroom and turned on the overhead light flooding the room with its harshness.

"Robert, what are you doing, why did you turn the light on?" I asked sleepily.

He got into bed and rolled me onto my back. He unlaced the ribbons on the bodice of my nightgown and roughly pulled it up and over my head tossing it onto the floor. I tried to cover myself only to have him brush my hands away leaving my breasts exposed. When he began fondling my breasts, I looked down and watched, fascinated as the color of my nipples slowly changed from dark pink to almost brown with my increasing arousal. I was ashamed of my body's easy betrayal.

His hands moved from my breasts, down my belly, and found my slit. He began a slow sensual glide from my pussy upward to my clit and then downward retracing his path. Up and down, sometimes pausing and inserting two, three of his long fingers inside my tight, wet pussy, making me moan and whimper as he stroked into me.

He teased me with his now wet, sticky cockhead before he slid it into my waiting pussy. My body resisted at first, still not wanting to succumb to him but, with his rhythmic insistence, my pussy relaxed and opened for his entry contracting around his thick girth.

My body jerked with each thrust and my mind and heart were flooded with remembrances of what it had always been like with him. He held both of my arms above my head, pinned against the bed, and brought me to the edge of heaven with slow, deep strokes . . . but he did not let me cum. As my breathing slowed, with one final hard thrust, he erupted deep inside me leaving me still aroused but unsatisfied.

*****

Toward the end of summer, Johanna and Philip were visiting from Houston and one Sunday attended church services with Robert and me. After church, we headed out to Garrett's Pond where the four of us met my folks, my brothers, their wives and a circus of children for a late afternoon picnic. It was absolute chaos, the noise, the laughter, the food. I was very happy. My family surrounded me for the first time in a long time, and at one point, I felt myself on the brink of tears and meandered off to compose myself. When I came to an old log at the edge of the pond I sat down, and in the still warm afternoon sun, gazed out over the water.

"You alright, Cass?" Damn it, girl, how many times do I have to tell you not to go off alone?" I turned to see Robert approaching.

Immediately annoyed, I took a deep breath, exhaled and said, "Robert, I'm not a child. You don't have to watch everything I do."

"Maybe if I had been more diligent, you wouldn't have had an opportunity to fornicate with another man," he said.

I felt an unwelcomed but familiar tightening in my chest. "I'm sorry, Robert," I shouted at him in frustration. "Tell me what to do, tell me how to make it right and I will," I said to him, my voice quivering so hard it was difficult to talk.

Taking a deep breath to calm myself, and wiping away the tears I said, "I tried to leave you once before, but you wanted me then . . . if you want me to leave now, tell me and I will."

He squatted down next to me, obviously trying to make some kind of personal decision. Staring straight ahead, in a barely audible voice he said, "I want you to stay, Cassie."

The ride home was quiet, each of us wrapped in our own thoughts, his hand absently caressing the inside of my thigh, every now and then inching upward to pause between my legs. Just his touch sent chills of excitement through me.

Janine was away until Monday, the house was dark when we arrived home and went upstairs to our bedroom. I went into my dressing room, took off my clothes and put on my robe. I had unpinned my hair and was about to start braiding it when Robert came into the room. Robert stood watching me, a shot of brandy in his hand. Finishing his drink, he backed me against the wall and kissed me, forcing his tongue into my mouth. He pulled the robe open and began fingering me, rubbing my clit and behind. "Robert, wait, wait, you don't need to be so rough."

"I can't wait, Cass, I need you," he said, his voice hoarse and filled with lust. By his actions, it was obvious that all he wanted to do was get his cock inside me.

Putting his hands under my behind, he picked me up so that my hips were level with his, and my legs wrapped around his waist. Sliding his engorged cock between my thighs, the friction of his cockhead against my hard, achy clit was mesmerizing. The pressure of his long shaft sliding along the length of my moist slit sent hot waves through me. I closed my eyes and let my head fall forward onto his shoulder. He effortlessly pulled a soft, comforting orgasm from me, and as my hips swayed seductively against him wanting more, he glided himself inside me. His cock felt warm and slippery and I gasped with the sensation of being filled and pushed my hips against him harder. We soon fell into a familiar in and out rhythm, my excitement growing with each thrust. Holding me tightly to him his cock inside my wet pussy, he impaled me with deep thrusts until I felt another orgasm, just on the verge of erupting.