To Love and Obey

Thank you Gustavca for your assistance in editing this story.

*****

Overwhelmed by Robert's jealousies and insecurities, Cassie opens her heart to love.

We seemed to argue more and more often lately.

After dinner, tired and very annoyed with him, I had gone to bed early, feeling the beginning of a light cold. Later that evening when I heard him enter my bedroom I turned away when he slipped into the bed. My being upset with him never seemed to deter him from seeking me out for sex. In fact, I think he enjoyed having sex if I was angry with him. The heightened emotions, the elements of resistance and control excited him. I could feel his erection against my hip when he pulled me onto my back and began casually gathering my nightgown up about my waist.

"Robert, no," I said drowsily.

I don't know if it was the sound of my voice or my lethargy, but he stopped, reached across me, and turned on the bedside lamp.

"Cass, what is it?" he asked as he leaned over me, wiping my damp hair off my face. "I'll get Janine." He said.

"No, no don't bother Janine, it's just a cold," I explained. "I'll be fine, just need to sleep . . . don't be angry with me, Robert." I said.

"Damn it, Cass, I'm not angry . . . what kind of monster do you think I am?" he asked, getting up and returning to the bed with a cold compress. As I slipped into sleep, he lovingly wiped my face with the cold cloth, refolded it and placed it on my forehead. He adjusted the covers over me, turned out the lamp and quietly left the room, leaving the bedroom door ajar.

I woke during the night, feeling better, but very thirsty. I got out of bed for a glass of water and saw there was no cool water in the carafe. Taking the carafe to refill, I quietly walked down the hall to the back staircase that led to the kitchen. As I started down the stairs the door to the small rear bedroom opened and my heart froze. There in his unsashed dressing gown, naked, his manhood hanging long and thick between his legs stood Robert.

A familiar voice inside the bedroom said something to him and he turned to respond, his back to the stairs. The woman came to him, laughed softly and kissed him on the cheek. As she started to back into the room, she lifted her eyes and saw me standing on the staircase. A look of surprise and regret flashed across her face. It was Janine.

Unable to pull my eyes away from the sight of them, I slowly backed up the stairs and ran down the hallway to my bedroom. I thought Janine was my friend, how could she do this? I remembered my conversation with her a few months earlier when she talked of helping Robert after his divorce. Is that what she had meant by helping him? I had seen Robert leaving Janine's room once before and had dismissed it as an innocent visit having to do with some household issue. Now I realized they were having sex even then. Right under my nose.

The next morning, I sent a note to my father asking him to come and bring me home. The following day from the upstairs balcony, I saw Daddy and Paul, my oldest brother, drive up to the house in the old work buggy. They jumped off the buggy obviously anticipating trouble. Walking quickly up the walkway, Janine met them and ushered them into the house. There was a brief, but heated, conversation between the three of them before Janine stepped aside and the men made their way upstairs. On the brink of tears, but relieved to see them, I gathered my personal things together, and without a word of goodbye to Janine, I climbed into the buggy and we drove away.

Robert, half-drunk, ranting and raving in the front yard at two o'clock in the morning, awakened my parents' whole household. This went on for almost five minutes before Daddy got his shotgun, went out on the porch and ordered Robert off his property.

"Get out of here, Robert, Cassie's not going anywhere with you. Leave now or I'm going to shoot you where you stand," Daddy said in a barely controlled voice.

"Cassie! Cassie, come out here. You're my wife. You have no goddamn business being here! Cassie!" Robert shouted, ignoring what Daddy had just said to him.

"I'm going to warn you just one more time, Robert Grafton, and then I'm going to start shooting. GET OFF MY PROPERTY!" Daddy cocked his shotgun and fired it into the air. "Go, now, Robert," he ordered.

Robert stood fuming, glaring at Daddy. He finally mounted his horse, shouting at Daddy, "She's my fucking wife, and you have no business interfering."

Momma put her arms tightly around me as Robert, looking directly at me, said, "Cassie, I want you home tomorrow."

*****

I hadn't told my folks what had happened, but they knew it had to be serious for me to have left him. Once they were satisfied my leaving was not the result of Robert physically abusing me (I'm afraid Daddy and my brothers might have killed him if they ever thought he'd hit or beaten me), they thankfully left the matter alone knowing I would talk about it with them when I was ready. I remained with my folks, staying close to home, not venturing out alone or into town unless Daddy or one of his men were with me. I did not want to run into Robert, especially if I were alone.

Janine came to the house under one pretext or another several times over the next week wanting to talk about what had happened, but I felt so betrayed by her that I didn't think I could talk to her without bursting into tears.

I was in the orchard picking apples when I looked up and saw Janine walking between the trees toward me. I watched her make her way along the path. Tall and slender, full high breasts, wide Negro hips and butt, skin the color of warm honey. Her hair was long, dark brown and naturally curly, worn loose and free about her face, accenting her large brown eyes and full, red mouth. I could see why Robert was attracted to her.

"Miss Cassie, your Momma said I'd find you out here."

"Why did you come here, Janine? What do you want?" I asked testily.

"I wanted to talk to you, to try and explain," she said.

"I don't think there's anything you could say, Janine. At least nothing that I would want to hear," I shot back.

"Please, Miss Cassie, just listen to what I have to say and I won't bother you again," she said with a shaky voice.

"What is it then?" I asked, as I sat down on an old tree stump.

Janine began talking slowly, haltingly at first, searching for the right words. "I've known Mr. Robert for a long time, since he was maybe around twenty years old and I would have been about thirty or so. When I started working for your Momma when you was born, I'd see Mr. Robert whenever your Momma and me would take you to visit old Mrs. Grafton, before she got really sick and died. A little while later, Mr. Robert had some bad troubles in his marriage, and ended up divorcing his first wife. He was a mess and he turned to me for comfort. Mr. Robert and me started quietly keeping that kind of company. It only lasted off and on for about six months. By the time you finished school and returned to Center, it had been over for almost two years."

"After I married Robert, why did you agree to come back to the Grafton house knowing that the two of you had been lovers?" I wanted to know.

"I didn't want to at first, and told your Daddy that my being there might be unwelcome and you might see me as butting into your business. You know your Daddy is always firm in what he wants, and Mr. Robert surprisingly agreed without argument, so I moved in with the thought of helping you and looking out for you. Within a few days of my being there though, Mr. Robert, he came to my room."

With her face turned away, Janine continued, "Probably not too many people know this, besides your momma, daddy and Mr. Robert, but, I have two children of my own and a common-law husband living in San Augustine. I try to see them as often as I can but it's sometimes hard to get down there. My man is a sharecropper, and even though I been working for both the Randolph and Grafton families off and on for many years, it's still hard sometimes to get by. We need the little bit of money that Mr. Robert pays me.

"When he came to me after I moved into the house and wanted me to have sex with me, I told him no. He wasn't angry that I had refused him, he just chewed on that horrible smelling cheroot of his and left."

"Then what made you change your mind, Janine?" I asked only half believing her story.

"Miss Cassie, I know this is hard for you to hear, and as a wife I know you don't want to believe it, but I thought Mr. Robert had accepted my saying no, but I was wrong. Mr. Robert was not going to be satisfied until I let him bed me. I was able to put him off for a while, until one night he told me that I'd have to leave if this is how it was going to be. He was tired of playing with me. He said it wasn't as if he had never fucked me before, and if I wanted to keep my nice comfortable job, I'd better get out of my drawers and get my black ass up in the bed.

Miss Cassie, please, you gotta believe me, I didn't want to do that with him, and even though you two was having your problems I never wanted to hurt you like that. I felt trapped, like I had no say and I finally told him all right, that I'd be with him. I'm a poor black woman in Texas, forty something years after slavery, and I'm still having to live at the whim and base desires of white men."

Janine was crying quietly, tears trailing down her flushed cheeks, splashing onto her white blouse, leaving a widening stain. Taking a deep breath, she began again, "After that, Mr. Robert would come to my room sometimes, but it was never that kind of hard sex, like you'd think he'd want. He just wanted to be with someone and I guess I was safe and familiar. He'd talk about you, Miss Cassie. How he knew you was afraid of him and that he didn't want you to be, but that he couldn't help himself. He said there was something about you that made him want you, but at the same time made him act like a jealous possessive bastard. Them's his words. He said he wanted to keep you away from everyone else, just for himself. He wanted you, Miss Cassie."

Janine, wiped her eyes, and took my hands in her's. Looking at me, she said, "It didn't last long, Miss Cassie, I mean him wanting to be with me that way. He'd do what he needed to do with me. Sometimes we'd talk afterward, and then he would get up and leave, go back to his bedroom. That night you were on the staircase was the first time he had come to me in a long time. When it was over, he said it wouldn't happen again, he wouldn't bother me again. That's when you saw me come out of the bedroom and that's why I kissed him on his cheek."

I believed Janine, and I think I may have felt pity and sadness for her predicament. I squeezed her hand and told her she didn't need to stay with me and if she wanted to return to my parent's home and work there, I would talk to Daddy and arrange that for her.

"Thank you, but no, Miss Cassie, my place is with you. I've hurt you and I'll always be sorry for that, but I think you need me more with you than your folks do."

Robert came to the house several times; he and Daddy would go into his library and close the door. I don't know what exactly they discussed, but once I heard Daddy shouting and cursing at Robert who stormed out of the library and left the house. As much as I wanted to, I still couldn't bring myself to tell them what my life was like with Robert or the reason I left. I can only imagine the story Robert must have made up for my parents to explain why I had left him. It was obvious Robert did not want to endure the social stigma of a second divorce; nor did my parents want me stigmatized as a divorced woman. Though nothing had changed between Robert and me, my folks urged me to patch things up with Robert and assured me things would be better. After another week of staying with them, I returned home with Robert.

I promised my folks I would try to work things out with Robert. I would stay with him, and try to be a good wife to him, but I also knew that I was responsible for my own happiness. After that time away from him and listening to all that Janine had to say, something within me was different and I have no doubt Robert noticed a change in my attitude and demeanor toward him and didn't like it.

*****

I wanted to travel to Houston for a few days to visit with my friend Johanna; Robert and I argued for almost two weeks over my plans to go. Of course, he didn't want me to go. Finally fed up with him and the fighting, I had my horse saddled and rode off alone refusing the groom's offer to come with me. I always loved riding, it helped clear my head and as I rode, the arguments with Robert replayed over and over in my head. He still treated me as if I were his possession. Emotionally, sexually it was always about what Robert wanted, when he wanted. He wanted me at home, near him, available to him.

I rode out to Garrett's Pond, dismounted and walked down the path to the edge of the pond. I stood there in silence, and slowly sank down onto the soft, green grass and started to cry. I was so unhappy, but I didn't know what to do to change it.

I heard a rider approaching. I jumped to me feet, and frantically looked around suddenly aware of how isolated and vulnerable I was out here alone. I ran to my horse, and as I reached her and fumbled with the reins, I could hear someone running behind me and calling "Cass, Cassie, wait." I turned and saw Robert looming behind me tall, big and menacing.

"What have I told you about riding off alone, Cassie? It's foolish and dangerous," he said trying to temper his words of reproach.

"Are you following me, Robert? Did you think I was going to meet someone?" I taunted him.

"I'm not worried about that, Cassie. If you had, I would have already beaten him within an inch of his life, and shown you how a man keeps his woman in check," he said dismissively.

He came towards me and I drew away from him as his hand reached out wanting to caress my breasts.

"Don't pull away from me, Cassie," he said, taking my chin in his hands and tilting my face up covered my mouth with his.

His hands slipped to my shoulders and I felt the pressure as he urged me to kneel in front of him. I knew what he wanted me to do. He unbuttoned his trousers, and withdrew his already swelling cock and lightly caressed my cheek with it. I closed my eyes and savored its warmth and the scent of his maleness as he pressed his member between my lips. I took it in my hand and stroked him into my mouth, tasting the saltiness of his leaking pre-cum. I fondled him with my mouth. Covering him with light kisses and swipes of my tongue. When he moaned and tried to stroke deeper into my mouth, I pulled back and looked up at him, recognizing the lust in his eyes as he stared down at me.

"Why, Robert? Why does it always have to be like this?" I asked.

He stood over me, an expression of honest confusion to my question clouding his face.

Until I married Robert never in my wildest imaginings had it occurred to me a man would want a woman, want his wife, in the ways he had wanted me. Robert had trained me well and here I was on my knees hungrily suckling his beautiful cock. It was almost as if my body craved his. As I eagerly nursed his cock, I grew angry with myself. My resentment fueled by my own willingness and desire that allowed him to treat me as he pleased.

Robert slipped his hands inside my blouse, and ran his fingers over my breasts. Pinching my nipples hard making them hurt and tingle. He helped me up and led me to a small clearing surrounded by trees and brush. Robert lay me down on the grass, and raised my riding skirt. He looked at me again, and smiled before he buried his face in that warm, sensitive place that only he had touched. Despite my inner struggle, I felt my hips ever so slightly rise and fall in rhythm with his hot, wet tongue thrusting inside me. Closing my eyes, I seemed to drift, almost weightless until gradual warmth spread through my body and suddenly exploded in a sensation of bliss that made me gasp with its intensity.

I watched him pull himself upward between my open legs positioning to enter me. He lifted my legs and placed them over his shoulders fully exposing me for his penetration. Pressing himself against me, he took the head of his engorged cock and began rubbing it up and down between my pink slit until it was glistening with precum.

We hadn't been together like this since before I had left him and our physical need for each other felt unbearable. He was erect and so eager for me I could see his cock twitch and jerk before he slowly, wonderfully slid inside my tight, warm sheath. I moaned as he settled his weight on top of me and his girth inside me. "Cassie," he said hoarsely as we lay there not moving, my pussy stretching, relaxing, and enjoying the feel of him. "Cassie," he said again and began a hot, shallow stroking that gradually became deeper and quicker until he finally surrendered to his need and released his thick load deep, deep inside me, pulling me into orgasm with him.

*****

William Lathrop was a twenty-eight year old Negro man who worked as an artisan for Pendleton's Iron Works in town. He moved here from San Augustine a few months earlier and had already purchased a small house, not in the Negro section, but about three miles west of town on a few pine tree covered acres.

I can still remember the feeling I got when I saw him for the first time.

"Morning, Miss," he said as he passed me on the street.

I looked up taken aback by the fact a black man I didn't know had the effrontery to address me on a public street. When I looked at him, I felt myself blush from head to toe. It was a feeling of excitement that sizzled through me when he lifted his head and stared at me with beautiful hazel eyes, and a wide toothy smile. This man was a Negro and I was immediately ashamed of my reaction to him, but I couldn't get him out of my mind and found myself fantasizing about him often after that.

In early spring, Robert commissioned Pendleton's to build a wrought iron fence around the rose garden at the rear of the house. Mr. Pendleton, in turn, subcontracted the work to William. To my surprise, the next time I saw William was the day he started building the fence. I could see him from the upstairs bedroom window. He was tall and muscular, with broad, strong shoulders, slim waist and tight firm behind. He worked with his shirt off, his body hard and sweaty, beautiful chestnut-hued skin glistening in the hot morning sun.

"William," I called as I approached him. "I have water here for you."

He stood up and stretched before taking the ladle of cold water. I knew I looked nothing like the mistress of the house; In fact, I doubted he even recognized me as the woman he spoke to in the street a few weeks earlier. I had worked in the garden earlier that morning and still wore an old yellow housedress, my hair pulled back and covered by a tattered kerchief. I'm sure as far as he was concerned I was just a servant from the house. A white girl he needed to be wary of unless, of course, there was a chance he could get to know her. The bodice of my dress was partially unbuttoned and the tops of my breasts were visible. He eyed me and, for the quickest moment, his eyes lingered on my breasts before he looked up and took another gulp of water. I reached for the now empty ladle and self-consciously glanced up and smiled. I felt a warm flush spread over me and between my legs, an unexpected tingling sensation.

After that, mid-morning each day, I would bring him cold water and talk for a few minutes before he returned to work. One morning as we stood talking, my breast brushed against his big muscular arm and an electric spark we both felt passed between us. Standing so close I could see the vein pulsing in his neck, I turned his face to mine and kissed him full on the mouth. I pressed my body tightly to him as his tongue explored my mouth and his rough black hand slipped inside my bodice and fondled my creamy white breasts. I could feel him becoming excited. He suddenly pushed away from me, shaking his head realizing what he was doing. Searching about to make sure we had not been seen.