I was staying with my cousin, Sandra, for a couple of weeks. Sandra lives up in the mountains at the backend of Nowhere. There's a small local town (very small) which I suspect is named Hicksville. I expected to be bored the entire time I was there but it beat the alternative -- a two week religious retreat with my parents. As soon as I heard that that was on the cards I made a quick call to Sandra to arrange for her to invite me over, and to do it tout suite. As a result Sandra called my parents and passed on the invitation before they could hijack my holiday time for the retreat.
We spent the first couple of days getting reacquainted and got on fairly well together. I asked her about local talent and she told me I was right out of luck. According to her the local boys were all in-bred idiots with no morals that she'd ever noticed. Ugly as sin, the entire lot of them. Pity that as I can appreciate a well-endowed man as much as the next woman. (As long as the next woman isn't Sandra. She was a bit of a prude.)
On the third day Sandra wanted to go fishing to catch some trout for dinner. We traipsed off through the woods to a pool that she knew of, a place where we were guaranteed to catch something decent. We came across something decent alright. Just as we got there a Greek god was coming out of the pool. He was naked, handsome, six foot plus, naked, two hundred pounds, all of it muscle, and naked. He also had a smile to kill for.
"What the hell?" I said to Sandra. "I thought you said there were no decent men around."
"I did. That's Billy-Joe. He's an idiot, studying to be a moron. Do not take advantage of him as you don't know what he'll do."
Just looking at him I knew what I wanted him to do. I marched over to him and introduced myself. God help me but it was like talking to an idiot child. There he was, naked. There I was, eighteen and lovely, showing plenty of cleavage. His reaction? A placid cow face as he mumbled stupid answers to my questions. He finally got dressed and wandered off.
"What the hell, Sandra?"
"I know. That's how it goes sometime. Let's fish."
So we fished and we caught some. Enough for a decent meal. As it was a hot day we then decided to take a quick dip -- skinny dipping as there wasn't anyone around. After a while we were ready to get out when I realised we had a problem. Billy-Joe had come back and was standing by the pool.
We yelled at him to go away and got no reaction. I told him we wanted to get out of the water and he said he didn't mind. I pointed out we were naked and he still said he didn't mind.
"Fine," I snapped. "I'll get out and chase him away," I told Sandra. She looked dubious but gestured for me to go ahead.
I came out of the water and stood in front of the wretched man starkers. It was infuriating. Here was this gorgeous man and he didn't even notice me standing in front of him naked. He didn't even give me the once over, just staring placidly past me. I wanted to scream and hit him. Instead I got dressed.
Once dressed I took hold of his arm and started towing him away, explaining that Sandra wanted some privacy and it was only polite to give it to her. He went with me while I tried to make conversation with him. Really, I just couldn't wrap my head around how thick he was.
We had the trout for dinner and very nice it was. A couple of days later Sandra suggested we might try fishing again and having nothing else in mind I agreed. Before we headed out, however, a car pulled up outside and a young woman came barging over, giving a perfunctory bang on the door before coming in.
"Hi, Sandra," she said. "Who's your friend? Wait, I remember you. Isabel, right?"
I had a vague recollection of a rumbustious redhead who lived near Sandra.
"Right. You'd be Shareen?"
"Got it in one," she agreed.
"Did you want something, Shareen?" Sandra asked.
"Not really. I'm just running down to town to have a quick drink. It's pure coincidence that I expect to find Billy-Joe in town. Do you two want to come along?"
"I'll pass," said Sandra. "I want some trout. Ah, Isabel?"
I was curious. Why was Shareen so eager to go see Billy-Joe?
"Sure, I'll go," I said. "A quick drink and a change of scenery suddenly appeals."
"Okay. Come on."
Just like that Shareen was heading back out to the car. I hastily tagged along.
Once we were back in the car I brought up the subject of Billy-Joe.
"I might have met your Billy-Joe," I said. "He'd been swimming and was just leaving the pool when we got there."
"Lucky you. Was he starkers? Isn't he gorgeous?"
"Are we talking about the same man? Six foot, black hair, two hundred pounds of muscle?"
"That's him. What did you think of him?"
I dithered a little and then bit the bullet.
"He seemed a bit simple to me," I said delicately.
"Simple? As in not too smart?" she asked, sounding puzzled.
"Got it in one," I agreed.
"Hum. Somehow I can't see a man who has an educational scholarship to MIT being considered dumb."
"What?"
"He's back in town for the long break. He's practically a genius."
"You're joking. He came across as a complete moron. Why would he do that? Besides, Sandra said he was an idiot."
"Was he close enough to hear?" Seeing the look on my face she nodded.
"That was Sandra telling him that you were off limits. Not that she needs to worry. Everyone but her knows he's chasing her."
"I've been had?"
"You've been had. He does the moron act really well. Uses it to chase off women who approach him at a bar. Works a treat."
"I'll kill him."
