Chapter 1 - Confession and Confusion
It was a long weekend, and all I wanted to do was sleep peacefully in my cozy room. Finally the folks in the country were celebrating Diwali on Thursday, and thanks to them we had a 4-days holiday for the first time in many months. While others had plans to do amazing things, I was reluctant to even get out of my bed. After all, Ananya Salgaocar, never did anything that she didn't want to do. That's me. A little irritated and extremely tired, and definitely bored as hell.
Living miles away from home among people I hated and in a place I loathed was bad enough. To add to it there was this quarter life crisis - the weird feeling of being too old to have fun, and too young to take responsibilities. Yes, being 25 years old was the most terrifying thing that could happen to a girl in India. On one end, I was struggling at my job, and on the other my parents wanted to see me married. I worked for NIC (National Informatics Centre) the IT arm of Indian Government. I was posted in the port-city Goa - a famous tourist destination. The government had chosen it for the isolation and seclusion it provided. It was undoubtedly one of the best in the country. People craved to work for this firm. Yet on the inside it was as frustrating as any other job in the world. And to add to it, I worked on something important. Oh yes, I was working on a Portal that would be used by Government of India for issuing Passports and Visas. It came with a million rules, non-disclosure agreements and a thousand complex clauses to keep us from revealing the inside working of the software to anyone. The girl who wanted to be a journalist once; who dreamt of travelling the world, unveiling things unseen and unheard of, meeting new people, making mistakes, taking risks was now stuck in a completely safe, secure, risk-free permanent job of a Software Programmer.
The past week had been hectic and I really needed some quiet time. But my boyfriend wanted me to be with him. Yes, I had a boyfriend, or at least I convinced myself that I had him. And my boyfriend dearest was from the IT hub of Hyderabad. Compared to Goa I had hated Hyderabad even more. But I didn't have a choice. At times, it felt that my boyfriend was more interested in my work than in me. We had been together for almost 6 months and yet no one except a specific few close friends knew about us. We preferred to keep it that way, because having a boyfriend was still considered bad- and if a girl had dated too many guys, she'd be looked at as a slut. I never really cared about what people said, but it seemed that he did. He often travelled to my city on weekends, so that we could spend some time at my room. But this time, it was my turn. The one-night travel to his city irritated me, and I had half a mind to refuse. But for everything he had done for me, for all the pain he went through to meet me every time, I really felt indebted to him.
As Wednesday evening came, I let go of my reluctance and took a bus to his city and reached there the next morning. For most of the day we just lazed around watching movies, sleeping and chatting. He had brought my favorite vodka, and by the time it was 9 pm, I was already three shots down.
The vodka had its effect, and I felt buzzed and in that inebriated state I ended up revealing something that should have gone to my grave with me. Either way, the minute I said it, I wanted to take my words back. But it was too late. I was drunk, not him. He had heard me loud and clear and I could see his expressions change, as he grasped the meaning of what I had just said. I had kissed his best friend. Well, rather he had kissed me, or at least tried to. Yes, kissing is a big deal if you are dating in India. And sex? Well, it is ideally not supposed to happen before the two get married.
Even before I noticed my now-BF, I had noticed his best friend. The guy had a personality that invoked fear and respect at the same time. Reading 50 Shades of Gray reminded me that he was pretty much like the character Christian Gray. I had liked him in an instant, but didn't do anything about it, and then, when I started dating this guy, I started getting closer to his friend as well. Eventually we fell for each other, but I didn't have the guts to tell my BF. As an ideal BF he had been so honest, loving and caring that I could never tell him that I wanted to break up with him. And thus I spent my love on two ends, and one fine day ended up being force kissed by Mr. Gray when he was recovering from a bad hangover. He felt guilty and apologized a million times, and much later, I had told him, that I had actually enjoyed the kiss. Being forced by him, being straddled, and pushed against the wall, his lips touching mine...it was heavenly.