She dared me to dream, and I did...
What started as an innocent game, turned into a dangerous soul searching proposition.
I discovered Nanci while trying to discover lost souls like mine. A refuge from a disintegrating loveless decade long marriage, the grind of managing a stressful and often unrewarding job and a emptiness which crept up from decades of bitter resignation and bitter disappointment.
The absence of a north found its south in the rediscovery of the darkness which permeates every life. Old stories, hidden and forgotten by the everyday life, resurfaced to fill the void.
The pain was masked by the reckless abandon with which I embraced every trauma, fetish and obsession..; the refuge worked well... a new sense of purpose or simple justification conspired to create this cocoon of imagery and fantasy... finally, I found myself in company of many tortured souls like mine, seeking reassurance in our feeble existence. Egos were well nurtured and insecurities played their cruel game of rampant illusions ...
The she was there, another player among many... but there was something else, a passionate and inhibited zest for the pulse of the flesh... with an unapologetic approach to the carnal desires. I found that intoxicating; a living, breathing fire of desire... I called her bluff and she called my game.
Owner of a raw sexuality not often found in a world full of hypocrisy; it was a refreshing sight, an erotic whirlwind...
I searched feverishly for the center of that bright star; I looked with all my heart, until I lost it on the way... I choose to bare my soul; and sacrificed all pretenses in her altar just to reach her. In her eyes I found my fears, found the secret which brought me back to the depths of my being
Her eyes woke my body and I relived the fire cursing all over my skin. Even in the false reality of the screen and despite the distance separating our bodies, a light in her large hazel eyes brightened my way.
I found life and discovered the sky; I believed in her dreamy image, and for once in my life, I saw it as an end. I found the magic found in my dreams. I realized that it was possible to live in love, again.
Nanci refused to unveil her secrets, her mystery and maintained her untold promises, kept the seductive distance with which she could protect her reality... her teasing got unbearable, her taunts irresistible and I knew that the invitation would never come, so I knew then that I would have to go to her... I knew then that I would have to breach her shields, fulfill her deepest fears and desires, and break her will to access her denied heart.. And I started working on a plan...
Through subterfuge managed to obtain the basic information; I knew where to find her... I kept the ruse by creating fantasies for both... Never had she suspected that I had left Toronto over a week earlier... I knew that I could not do it alone; I knew that I would have to play into her fears. I knew that I would have to destroy her reality to create a new one... she wasn't going to surrender, never had to. She would never leave behind her safe existence.
Had many friends in Lethbridge, traveled there many times... I knew that Rod, Mike and Sam would gladly join me in my sinister scheme... Only Mike was married but had a rocky relationship for years. Rod had for years tried to drag me into the sparse Albertan underground scene... when I called him and told him my plan he offered a few ideas of my own... but also a condition.
I set camp in a hotel by 12 Ave SW. I knew that a short walk would take me to the place where she worked... I would observe, stalk and wait for the best opportunity... My friends stayed by their hotel, some farther distance, ready for, on a moment notice, spring the plan.
Nanci's schedule was wildly varied, almost unpredictable.. It took me a while to properly identify her... I spend a couple of afternoons near the corner of 14 St SW and 15th Ave SW... she had admitted that the access to her workplace was through an alley at the back of the building. I knew that I could only approach her alone... two days I saw her leaving with some friends... I started to stalk her mornings too... keeping track of her time frames... that Friday she came to work rather late; I knew it as she was spending quite a bit of time on her websites teasing her victims... I knew that this was it...
I asked Sam to keep the rented windowless cargo van parked in the lot besides the building, closer to the 16th Ave SW exit. I also instructed Ron and Mike to head over and set up the rest of the carefully planned trap... I knew that even if she would leave late there was no way to willingly wait the at least two hours needed to access the place I had hired; at 9:00PM... I had prepared myself for that eventuality... growing guilt conspired with the cold afternoon and I had doubts for the first time of my journey.
My love was genuine and I had never in my life contemplated going against a loved one will; but I knew this was different... I knew she would never carry on her deepest desires beyond her web persona. I knew she'll never leave her lover at home; she'll never leave behind the life she has so painstakingly put together... I knew she'll never come to me of free will... just like I knew she would never surrender to her darkest desires. I knew that at the end of the day I may very well loose everything; but again, I didn't have anything of substance anyways... I had promised her many times that I would sacrifice anything to free her from her own chains... it was a sacrifice I was willing to do.
I had travelled from Toronto well equipped for my plan... It took some convincing for my veterinarian friend to sell me a couple of Isoflurane inhaler, a powerful anesthetic which can act in about 20 seconds... armed with that, I waited behind the large garbage bins which ringed the parking lot. It was about 7:00pm and it was about the time I had estimated for her to leave the building... being Winter it was dark already... it was easy to conceal my presence...
My heart was pounding in my chest and felt a huge sense of guilt and I knew there was no turning back... I would ruin things forever or fix it forever; it was a risk I was determined to take... a growing sense of anticipation and even a growing excitement... I saw a couple of people leaving the building that I knew worked there, but no Nanci.. Another five interminable minutes passed... I sent the text message to Sam waiting in my phone: - " Be ready..." --
And then I saw her unmistakable blonde hair, gathered at the top in those lovely buns that I had seen in several pictures... My heart sunk... she wasn't alone... a man came right behind her and called her name' - Nanci, do you need a ride home? --
She turned, smiled and replied...
- No thanks Randy, I just gotta pick up something for dinner at the Kabob House, then gotta stop by the bank, thanks anyway. See you on Monday, ok? --
I pressed my back against one of the blue bins, wedging myself between two of them,, but I was very, very close so I could clearly hear the exchange. The man then proceeded to walk alongside the building; towards 14th St... she stopped short of the garbage bins and started to rummage her large purse.
I was covered by the shadows but I could clearly see her; I was once again enthralled by her beauty; her slim body and petite figure seemed way smaller that I suspected. She was wearing knee length black boots, mid calf full circle light blue boho skirt in a very light fabric resembling chiffon... she was wearing a fitted dark coat and a either white or light yellow long scarf.
The place was deserted; she resumed her walking towards 16th Ave, across the dimly illuminated parking lot... I waited until she passed the line of bins and I grab her from behind... quickly put the inhaler over her mouth and nose, pressing the trigger. My other arm immobilized her arms alongside her torso. I was surprised how small and light she was as I effectively prevented her escape. A faint whimper tried to escape her mouth, to no avail... within a few seconds I felt her legs give way and had to reach around her waist to prevent her from falling... She fell unconscious very rapidly and I held her closer... savoring her sweet perfume.
I took her in my arms with her arms dangling down the side and I walked the short distance to the van. Sam had probably observed the whole incident in his side mirror as I saw him opening the driver door and hurriedly opened the rear doors. I quickly deposit her on the inflatable bed lying on the floor of the van, jumped in and quickly closed the doors kneeling beside Nanci who was completely unconscious.
I felt my heart furiously pounding against its moorings and I felt a bit light headed as well
Sam rapidly got into the driver seat and started the van. He pulled over to the left in 16th, turned south in 14th and right on 17th, heading east towards the intended destination in Pearce Estate Park, quite a distance away. I sat beside the inert body of Nanci, lying on her side. I felt the pang of guilt coming back, stronger this time. I reached for the light on the roof of the cabin and I could now calmly observe her delicate features... I held her by the shoulders and turned her on her back. I looked at her closed eyes, lowered my head closer to her almost parted lips and felt her breath moving softly through her nose... she looked so peaceful and beautiful. I opened her coat and it revealed a soft white cotton shirt, thin enough so that her equally white bra was clearly distinguishable.
