The Three Mistakes

This is dedicated to and inspired by N., for whom I will always have a place in my heart.

My valuable editor Tigersman has helped enormously, as always.

My friend G. gave me so much joy with his remarks and encouragement!

*****

Veera waited patiently in line at this busy time of day, waiting to order her first coffee. She had her worn book half open and was reading it to pass the time. A deep, fairly quick paced, manly voice aired through her ears to the depths of her brain, making her head lift off the page she was reading.

"A lemon grass and mint herbal tea with just a dash of brown sugar and a thin slice of lemon. Steaming hot, please. I'll be seated on that table over there so please ask for me, I'm Nathan, just half a minute before my tea is fully prepared."

Two persons ahead of her, an average looking man with the warm color of chestnut on his hair and eyes, on his beard and on his thick eyelashes was ordering a simple, herbal tea in a way she had never heard before; not only by description but also by articulation.

She had only been in this place a few number of times as she was a freshman student of Creative Writing and the year had just started. Veera was an impressionable eighteen year old girl who, given her introvert nature, she was ready to fall in love hard with anyone who could shatter her inner glass wall. She didn't know that by then but she felt the cracking, a small crevice. When it was her turn to order, she skipped coffee and asked for whatever 'that Nathan guy over there was having'. The waiters weren't pleased.

Her short, light brown, wavy hair was the first to fall in front of Nathan's face, who got as politely irritated as could be, "Where is my..." And stopped when Veera's innocent looking face smiled warmly at his.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help overhearing what you ordered and I ordered the same, but, Mr. Nathan, I don't remember a single word of it! Can you please inform me what I ordered?"

"So, why the hell did you order it?" was his first reaction. He was abrupt and caustic, like always. This was his everyday, all year around, idiot, people proof shield he wore to avoid anyone who tried to invade his mind, his privacy, his feelings and his deep seated dreams. Well, this time it didn't seem to have the same effect.

In fact Veera simply replied "I liked the way you ordered it" and kept smiling, not a vacant but a genuine, warm smile. Long time no see.

Nathan opened his mouth to spit some more venom but he cancelled it at the last second. He permitted himself to finally look into her eyes and flatly said "A lemon grass and mint herbal tea with just a dash of brown sugar and a thin slice of lemon. Steaming hot." And hurried to turn his gaze away.

Another young college girl, with big, blue eyes that surely would have nothing to do with a computer freak geek like him with a job that matched his favorite way of passing time.

"I'm Veera, thank you."

She mumbled to him, only to see his raised hand cutting off all bridges.

Yeah, OK, whatever. I don't care.

The waiter asked for a Nathan and a Veera to get their tea and, as Veera was already half standing, half leaning on Nathan's table, she promptly got up and got both of them. She placed his in front of him and asked him shyly if she could sit at his table.

He signed 'no' and, so, Veera, holding on to a steaming hot cup of herbal tea, stood up near the window, close to his table and waited for an improbable opportunity to find a seat.

Nathan raised his gaze to see her holding the mug with both her hands and sniffing the invigorating aroma of the tea. His voice was loud enough for her to hear it "Come over here, you'll never get a seat and this mug is fucking hot." Damn, damn, damn. He didn't like it when he had no control over his gut feelings, in fact, he would be thrilled if he could control his sleep pattern or his own heartbeat.

Veera was mildly rambling from the moment she sat, not expecting him to reply back. Her questions to him went unanswered but she kept turning to face him whenever she talked to him, her gardenia smell bathing his nostrils with every turn of her head. He would open his mouth to protest but seeing her trying honestly to communicate, he dropped it. Damn again.

His frustration was building up. In a sudden move his got ready to get up and drank his whole cup in one gulp. Veera suddenly got the message.

"I'm so sorry to have bothered you" she murmured, putting her small hand over his long, steady fingers. "Here," she got up first and placed her mug in front of him "still steaming hot and untouched. Sorry yours got wasted" and rushed out of the shop before he could decline her offer.

Triple damn.

Nathan, at all his thirty five years of age, had been aware of who he was. In total contrast with a slightly plump exterior, an average dark brown haired, bearded guy, he had an iron core dressed with an intolerant, ironic expression; deep seated in him after all these years of practice.

He had a sharp mind, sharp as his looks when he actually looked at someone, so witty that he found no interest in small talk. He had excluded parties and bars from his life, as well as meaningless friends, which summed up to almost everyone. He had also deleted the term relationship from his life goals, but being a man, had resorted to online cyber sex, not revealing anything, not asking how the woman at the other end of the line looked like or if she liked what he asked her to do. When he was done, he simply disconnected and went to bed.

He had acknowledged that he liked to be a dominant person in a potent, actual, physical relationship, exerting his mental power over women, who in all cases, wouldn't fall for him or understand him. Yeah, he gave them that much credit. In fact, the only friends he had were men sharing his sexual preferences with whom he could exchange tips. Ah, and sometimes girls. Stupid, submissive girls, who asked nothing in return and who took their domination as interest. Ha!

Nathan was working as a games developer in a small company. All his time was devoted to programming, to being in front of a screen and to create places and characters in a different dimension, in a dream land. He was truly content to live there, at least the largest part of his day.

Today, though, the plot wasn't progressing. It was a well planned day, he had all the office to himself for at least four hours but he couldn't progress the storyline and his characters they way he wanted. The code didn't work, the time shifts didn't work. He took his glasses off and pushed his chair back. He thought of having a cup of coffee, a rare choice of his, but instead he reached for water.

Without his glasses and without being able to see his pc screen, his mind was enlightened. It was that girl, the one who ruined his morning tea ritual, who was to blame for that. No, he could never allow himself to indulge in the thought of a young girl and her, surely, fake smile. So, back to work.

That night, he chatted with at least eleven girls but none presented the challenge he was looking for, repeating all the same words, heard, read, and seen before. He went to sleep more frustrated than he could tolerate from himself.

The next morning Nathan made the obvious choice and went to a different coffee shop, only to find they didn't have a lemon grass tea, only Earl Grey with lemon. The day wasn't starting well.

Two days later, he entered his preferred coffee shop, the one with the annoying girl and hoped he wouldn't have to see her again. He ordered and scanned the place, looking for a spare table. Damn. She was already there, waving shyly to him to come over. With his heavy bag hanging from his shoulder and the hot cup on the other hand, he reluctantly had to accept the offer. But, he promised himself, no talking.

Veera felt his reservedness and said nothing. He nodded a typical 'thanks' but other than that, they didn't talk. She had her head thrown unnaturally over her hot cup, her short, full hair covering her face and he was checking his phone. No messages yet. While he kept toying with his phone to avoid talking, he couldn't help but study the young face that was nervously seated across him. She had a, surely deceiving and fake, innocent face, with a cute little mouth and pink cheeks. Her long eyelashes covered her dark blue eyes and her hands were sweating because she wiped them on her black jeans all the time. His type. The best look to make a girl appear truly submissive and make him hard. Damn. He drunk his tea, again, in one gulp and got up to leave at once, without even a nod of goodbye.

A week passed by, a week Nathan couldn't enjoy his favorite herbal tea at the exact place he wished and the worse being that his game had been paused. Suspended. Halted. His wasn't a patient person, never had been, but that surpassed him. He wouldn't admit that it was all his fault. He was the one that kept her in his mind even if she wasn't there to actually see her. He was the one to let himself think of her. Big, big mistake.

But Nathan was a clever, practical man; all his life was based on his brain. By Thursday he had found his way out. Like everything in life that had led him to his current, cold, haughty state of mind, he had to try it and then devalue, debase it. Like all women. She would be no exception, and, once he would see it he could easily put her behind him.

That meant, he had to go to his favorite coffee shop tomorrow.

She was there, alone again, sipping her tea, squashed in a small table. He went over there and asked flatly "May I?"

She raised her head and lit up at once. "Of course!" Once he was seated, she said with a soft voice "Jasmine."

Nathan hated not to understand anything, but he had to ask "What?"

She laughed, softly again "The tea. Jasmine. You should give it a try."

His eyes lingered a little bit more than he intended on her eyes, trying to decode her -hey, that was his job and he was very successful.

Nathan was impatient and had a tendency for quick, snap answers, so flirting was a pain. His exercised fingers were tapping on the table while he tried to chat. Shit, he wasn't good at it, he disgusted wasted time over nonsense. Veera's fingers cupped his own, restless ones and silenced them; she didn't force him to, she wordlessly asked him to, through her fingers. That simple.

"I have a flexible schedule today, let's go hunt some old comics and walk down the old district for a handmade lunch. You seem ignorant of this city. "He didn't expect her answer as he walked briskly to the door. She would follow.

Nathan loved this part of the city, a sinful aura of decadence and worn out beauty; scenery he had used in one of his games. Veera was born in another state, so she was wide- eyed, to absorb everything this willing, yet stern and censorious guide, was showing her.

He occasionally, casually put his hand on her lower back, to push her through the crowd or to drive her into narrow streets. She was shivering every time she felt his touch and he knew it. He enjoyed this walk; it had been a long time since he went over those loved places with company, any company. Veera turned out to be good company, since she posed no demands and followed, no questions asked. He liked that.

When they returned to their original spot, the coffee shop, instead of replying with an equally polite and sweet 'good night' to Veera, he demanded, with his back already turned to her, "Tomorrow, here, at 10 o'clock sharp."

She would be there.

And she was there. Veera was happy, in fact more than happy to see Nathan coming with his perky way of walking, no backpack today and a hint of smile. A hint.

He took her to the book festival and stated that he would attend his favorite jazz band playing live in a nearby pub. She had to ask him if she could attend, too, and torturing her that way amused him enormously. Her expression also amused him when he said the admission cost twenty dollars and the sudden flush in her face, the fumbling in her handbag and the embarrassed retrieval of fifteen bucks. He liked this girl.

Next day he didn't contact, didn't set a date or a texted her.

She was trying to study but it was useless; she was looking out of the window the whole time, absorbing nothing of the view.

Nathan showed up on Monday, as if nothing had happened and sat on her table. There was a small change, though. He did start a small talk, asked stuff about her, little things that seemed irrelevant but his mind stitched to a seamless picture of her. So far, so good, except he wasn't aiming for good.

He informed her that he had dinner reservations at 6:30 at his favorite, local diner. He would pick her up on his way from work and then walk together all the way downtown. OK.

Veera was losing her nervousness around Nathan, as he was more tolerant and kind with her. As she couldn't express her feelings with words due to her deep seated shyness, she found it easier to touch him lightly on his hands or his shoulder.

Nathan was balancing between backing off, aborting his plan and letting her crack his shield just a bit. But he had to act soon, because his work was two weeks behind already.

"I wanna show you what I do. Come this way," he instructed and walked side by side for a mile until they reached his apartment.

He showed her his characters in action, lit his four screens simultaneously, he read her his scripts and even offered to make her a tea. He did but Nathan found her asleep on his couch. He studied her face, still for a few moments, too long for him. Damn. Whatever flaws she had, she was hiding them pretty well. He liked her. Maybe it was time to try a real girl.

Nathan leaned and kissed her on her forehead. It was pure instinct, he would have never chosen to kiss a girl on her forehead; this was a tender act and he wasn't a tender person, he was through with all that; he was certain of that.

She woke up and felt his weight on her. She liked that. She raised her head and stroked his hair. Reservations put aside, he slid a hand under her already elevated waist and brought her closer to him. Then, he kissed her.

Nathan was so used to cyber sex and dominating stuff that he had forgotten how a kiss feels. A real kiss. With all the hunger and the shyness combined, Veera, feeling his hand and his kiss at the same time, got overwhelmed and started to shiver.

"Are you OK?" Nathan asked her, surprising himself with the remote hint of care in his voice. He had long decoded he would use women as a twenty minute tops pass time plaything since they, too, didn't care about his looks, his brains or his aspirations. Or how he liked his tea.

Veera was OK, she nodded. He was uneasy, like wanting to quit his marvelous idea of exposing her as a 'no worth dealing with' bitch and send her home. He was uneasy, like 'you're making this all too difficult for me' and frustrated like 'I think I like you'.

She sensed his withdrawal and crossed her hands over her semi naked breasts, with her blouse sliding down from the awkward position on the couch. Nathan took her hands and gently, yes, gently, guided them to her sides. "Don't. You look beautiful" he said huskily. He pulled the garment further down and kissed her again, their torsos close but not touching.

He got undressed quickly except for his grey t-shirt and pulled her short panties down, hesitating a little at the hem. As he got into her, he felt her gasp of pain because of the sudden friction. He hurt, too, but he didn't care, he liked it when the woman wasn't ready, wasn't wet. He had made himself invent a sadistic side, an armor.

"You want me to stop?" Foolish question, the one that came out of his mouth. She was there so, she wanted to have him, he wouldn't have to ask.

"Just for a sec" she faintly replied.

And he paused; he took her by her waist and lifted her lower back from the couch. He only grinned, his cock in her without penetrating deeper, until he felt her arms around his neck. Then, Nathan pushed harder, pulling her waist to meet his hips and his furious cock, deep inside her by now.

She was tighter than he expected, tighter than he ever remembered a cunt would be, tighter than this physical, and not virtual, encounter could be expected to feel like. He spoke nothing. He kept thrusting, ignoring her small cries and wondering how long he had been with a real woman. No, a real girl.

"Nathan, you're hurting me." Her quiet voice finally got to his ears. He looked at her, lowering his head and saw the discomfort in her face.

"You've done this before, right?"

"Yes, but only a few times."

He slowed down. He let her waist down and begun to move in a slower, almost lovingly pace. She lifted herself to his ear "Thank you."

If she didn't feel that fucking good, he would have stopped right there, gotten dressed and kicked her out. He was dueling with his own demons while having sex; that could be proven a bad prediction for the outcome. Still, sure he was having a double personality at the time, he leaned to kiss her, deep and tenderly, feeling her wet lips and pulling them to his own.

"Do you think you.. you can come?" he asked Veera so he would control his last thrusts.

She nodded, not without blushing profoundly. So, the 'Great Dominator, I fuck and don't care about you' Nathan, closed his eyes and moved as he thought would give her the greatest amount of pleasure. And he did. She hugged him closer and he felt her tighten around him, while letting interrupted breaths and 'thank you' cries. Damn! Without disengaging from her hug, Nathan came inside her, feeling the same pleasure he felt when he made her come on him.

Veera slept with him that night. Veera slept with him every night in the coming two weeks. Veera made his favorite tea every morning and was his every night.

But then, Nathan, made his second mistake.

He was a little, just a tiny little bit more joyful, more accepting of mistakes, more tolerant to other people. Many noticed it. A few asked. So, he let his secret out, yes, he had a girlfriend. A real girl, who despite the age difference, seemed to like him, his bad habits, his messy hair, his morning grouchiness and his rough lovemaking.

But, while Nathan was afraid and mistrustful of women, he had some male friends that were as good to be skeptical about. The ones that he shared his secret, once in a blue moon, passion for finding submissive, naive girls to exert their newly acquired dominating skills on.

Friends that shared.

Nathan never admitted to anyone that he was very fond of his girlfriend. Fond wasn't enough to describe it, but he preferred to think that it did. There were nights when Veera had to go and sleep at her own place with her roommate, meet her friends and stay out late. Those nights Nathan didn't sleep at all. He'd say there was a menu he had to design, a scene that was a bit more complicated but the truth was he missed her warm body, reaching for his to touch in the middle of the night, in the middle of his sleep and in the middle of her dreams.

A month later, the consequences of his mistake took the form of the question "When will we meet her?" by his friends. The friends who liked to share.

At thirty-five, Nathan finally had shaken the geek, nerd, invisible labels off his skin and had embraced his new self, more confident and more in control. Still, those labels don't completely come off, their residue stays stuck and you have to scratch hard to get rid of them. Nathan hadn't. His insecurities rose once again, his need to be in control, his desire to have a woman pay for all the bitterness he had tasted in the past with others. He wanted to find a purgatorial victim.

That victim greeted him with a warm smile, a trustful hug and a jasmine fragrance when he returned from work. After dinner, Nathan started to circle his victim "Veera, would you be my totally obedient being?"