This is dedicated to and inspired by N., for whom I will always have a place in my heart.
My valuable editor Tigersman has helped enormously, as always.
My friend G. gave me so much joy with his remarks and encouragement!
*****
Veera waited patiently in line at this busy time of day, waiting to order her first coffee. She had her worn book half open and was reading it to pass the time. A deep, fairly quick paced, manly voice aired through her ears to the depths of her brain, making her head lift off the page she was reading.
"A lemon grass and mint herbal tea with just a dash of brown sugar and a thin slice of lemon. Steaming hot, please. I'll be seated on that table over there so please ask for me, I'm Nathan, just half a minute before my tea is fully prepared."
Two persons ahead of her, an average looking man with the warm color of chestnut on his hair and eyes, on his beard and on his thick eyelashes was ordering a simple, herbal tea in a way she had never heard before; not only by description but also by articulation.
She had only been in this place a few number of times as she was a freshman student of Creative Writing and the year had just started. Veera was an impressionable eighteen year old girl who, given her introvert nature, she was ready to fall in love hard with anyone who could shatter her inner glass wall. She didn't know that by then but she felt the cracking, a small crevice. When it was her turn to order, she skipped coffee and asked for whatever 'that Nathan guy over there was having'. The waiters weren't pleased.
Her short, light brown, wavy hair was the first to fall in front of Nathan's face, who got as politely irritated as could be, "Where is my..." And stopped when Veera's innocent looking face smiled warmly at his.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't help overhearing what you ordered and I ordered the same, but, Mr. Nathan, I don't remember a single word of it! Can you please inform me what I ordered?"
"So, why the hell did you order it?" was his first reaction. He was abrupt and caustic, like always. This was his everyday, all year around, idiot, people proof shield he wore to avoid anyone who tried to invade his mind, his privacy, his feelings and his deep seated dreams. Well, this time it didn't seem to have the same effect.
In fact Veera simply replied "I liked the way you ordered it" and kept smiling, not a vacant but a genuine, warm smile. Long time no see.
Nathan opened his mouth to spit some more venom but he cancelled it at the last second. He permitted himself to finally look into her eyes and flatly said "A lemon grass and mint herbal tea with just a dash of brown sugar and a thin slice of lemon. Steaming hot." And hurried to turn his gaze away.
Another young college girl, with big, blue eyes that surely would have nothing to do with a computer freak geek like him with a job that matched his favorite way of passing time.
"I'm Veera, thank you."
She mumbled to him, only to see his raised hand cutting off all bridges.
Yeah, OK, whatever. I don't care.
The waiter asked for a Nathan and a Veera to get their tea and, as Veera was already half standing, half leaning on Nathan's table, she promptly got up and got both of them. She placed his in front of him and asked him shyly if she could sit at his table.
He signed 'no' and, so, Veera, holding on to a steaming hot cup of herbal tea, stood up near the window, close to his table and waited for an improbable opportunity to find a seat.
Nathan raised his gaze to see her holding the mug with both her hands and sniffing the invigorating aroma of the tea. His voice was loud enough for her to hear it "Come over here, you'll never get a seat and this mug is fucking hot." Damn, damn, damn. He didn't like it when he had no control over his gut feelings, in fact, he would be thrilled if he could control his sleep pattern or his own heartbeat.
Veera was mildly rambling from the moment she sat, not expecting him to reply back. Her questions to him went unanswered but she kept turning to face him whenever she talked to him, her gardenia smell bathing his nostrils with every turn of her head. He would open his mouth to protest but seeing her trying honestly to communicate, he dropped it. Damn again.
His frustration was building up. In a sudden move his got ready to get up and drank his whole cup in one gulp. Veera suddenly got the message.
"I'm so sorry to have bothered you" she murmured, putting her small hand over his long, steady fingers. "Here," she got up first and placed her mug in front of him "still steaming hot and untouched. Sorry yours got wasted" and rushed out of the shop before he could decline her offer.
Triple damn.
Nathan, at all his thirty five years of age, had been aware of who he was. In total contrast with a slightly plump exterior, an average dark brown haired, bearded guy, he had an iron core dressed with an intolerant, ironic expression; deep seated in him after all these years of practice.
He had a sharp mind, sharp as his looks when he actually looked at someone, so witty that he found no interest in small talk. He had excluded parties and bars from his life, as well as meaningless friends, which summed up to almost everyone. He had also deleted the term relationship from his life goals, but being a man, had resorted to online cyber sex, not revealing anything, not asking how the woman at the other end of the line looked like or if she liked what he asked her to do. When he was done, he simply disconnected and went to bed.
He had acknowledged that he liked to be a dominant person in a potent, actual, physical relationship, exerting his mental power over women, who in all cases, wouldn't fall for him or understand him. Yeah, he gave them that much credit. In fact, the only friends he had were men sharing his sexual preferences with whom he could exchange tips. Ah, and sometimes girls. Stupid, submissive girls, who asked nothing in return and who took their domination as interest. Ha!
Nathan was working as a games developer in a small company. All his time was devoted to programming, to being in front of a screen and to create places and characters in a different dimension, in a dream land. He was truly content to live there, at least the largest part of his day.
Today, though, the plot wasn't progressing. It was a well planned day, he had all the office to himself for at least four hours but he couldn't progress the storyline and his characters they way he wanted. The code didn't work, the time shifts didn't work. He took his glasses off and pushed his chair back. He thought of having a cup of coffee, a rare choice of his, but instead he reached for water.
Without his glasses and without being able to see his pc screen, his mind was enlightened. It was that girl, the one who ruined his morning tea ritual, who was to blame for that. No, he could never allow himself to indulge in the thought of a young girl and her, surely, fake smile. So, back to work.
That night, he chatted with at least eleven girls but none presented the challenge he was looking for, repeating all the same words, heard, read, and seen before. He went to sleep more frustrated than he could tolerate from himself.
The next morning Nathan made the obvious choice and went to a different coffee shop, only to find they didn't have a lemon grass tea, only Earl Grey with lemon. The day wasn't starting well.
Two days later, he entered his preferred coffee shop, the one with the annoying girl and hoped he wouldn't have to see her again. He ordered and scanned the place, looking for a spare table. Damn. She was already there, waving shyly to him to come over. With his heavy bag hanging from his shoulder and the hot cup on the other hand, he reluctantly had to accept the offer. But, he promised himself, no talking.
Veera felt his reservedness and said nothing. He nodded a typical 'thanks' but other than that, they didn't talk. She had her head thrown unnaturally over her hot cup, her short, full hair covering her face and he was checking his phone. No messages yet. While he kept toying with his phone to avoid talking, he couldn't help but study the young face that was nervously seated across him. She had a, surely deceiving and fake, innocent face, with a cute little mouth and pink cheeks. Her long eyelashes covered her dark blue eyes and her hands were sweating because she wiped them on her black jeans all the time. His type. The best look to make a girl appear truly submissive and make him hard. Damn. He drunk his tea, again, in one gulp and got up to leave at once, without even a nod of goodbye.
A week passed by, a week Nathan couldn't enjoy his favorite herbal tea at the exact place he wished and the worse being that his game had been paused. Suspended. Halted. His wasn't a patient person, never had been, but that surpassed him. He wouldn't admit that it was all his fault. He was the one that kept her in his mind even if she wasn't there to actually see her. He was the one to let himself think of her. Big, big mistake.
But Nathan was a clever, practical man; all his life was based on his brain. By Thursday he had found his way out. Like everything in life that had led him to his current, cold, haughty state of mind, he had to try it and then devalue, debase it. Like all women. She would be no exception, and, once he would see it he could easily put her behind him.
That meant, he had to go to his favorite coffee shop tomorrow.
She was there, alone again, sipping her tea, squashed in a small table. He went over there and asked flatly "May I?"
She raised her head and lit up at once. "Of course!" Once he was seated, she said with a soft voice "Jasmine."
Nathan hated not to understand anything, but he had to ask "What?"
She laughed, softly again "The tea. Jasmine. You should give it a try."
His eyes lingered a little bit more than he intended on her eyes, trying to decode her -hey, that was his job and he was very successful.
