A few years back, I had suddenly become a landlord. It was something I had on my mind as a side business for a long time already, and at times even did some research on, but the horror stories about awful or crazy tenants always held me back.
So, now I actually am a landlord, I take new tenant selection always very serious. I would pick tenants that had a reason to stay, like a long term job, and with a credit record that made it likely that they would treat the lease with respect. A few past rent referrals and a general professional impression were key. With my apartment I always had several applicants because the apartment was nice. Also, the location was great and I kept the rent reasonable in the hope that the tenant would stay for a long time because selecting tenants is time consuming and quite a pain in the neck.
Well, about three months ago, Kate, my current tenant, made it past all those barriers with grace. And with looks like hers, it was very easy to remember her interview, because she simply stuck out. She had a broad smile that showed all her teeth, long flowing hair and a trim body that showed all her work at the gym. The part that really stuck out was a very proud pair of boobs often just barely hidden in a stretchy T-shirt. Add to all this that she was about ten years younger than me and nobody would have been surprised to learn that she was the center of my fantasies on many a lonely evening.
But that was not why she was my tenant. She appeared responsible and with her job should be able to afford the rent. Also the deposit, as well as the first two months were paid exactly when due, one day before the end of the month.
Well, today was the Fourth. I had left a message on her voice mail already two days ago, and no sign of life. No call, no note, no check. I was worried. This is a bad sign. With difficulty, I pushed the thoughts of some of the horror stories from friends about difficult evictions out of my mind. So at about 5 PM, when she normally gets home from work, I would stop by and visit her. Hopefully everything was already in the mail and it would arrive before I went there.
I went about my day as usual. After work, checked my mailbox and while there was plenty of junk mail, bills and such there was no letter from Kate. I felt disappointment and got a little mad. What the hell, now I have to go deal with this, it was time to go over there.
The apartment was just a short drive away. I saw her car in the driveway and through the window I could see the lights were on. I knocked.
She must have noticed me pulling in, because the door opened right away. There she stood, pretty as can be in her beige T-shirt and skin tight jeans. Her hair drooped forward as she looked at the ground. "Hi Paul" she said at a low tone. "I know why you are here, and I apologize for being late with the rent. It is not my style and I promise to get back on track as soon as possible."
Oh, I sooo wanted to feast on the looks of this girl. And I admit I noticed exactly what she was wearing and how well it fit her, particularly the creases in the stretch of her T-shirt. It was just an average T-shirt, but with her in it, that T-shirt attracted a lot of attention.
It was chilly outside. And while I wanted to just take her promise at her word, I couldn't resist asking her some follow up questions. "What is going on? You were extremely timely before, and your credit record indicated that you take your obligations seriously." I asked her.
She looked at me. She shivered. "Why don't you come in for a second, it is chilly out."
Oh, I wanted to just stand there and stare. Her nipples poked right through the thin fabric! Oh, the things dreams are made of...
I stepped inside and closed the door. She already headed down the hall and I just looked at her jeans. Each step brought about just that motion that runway models study. A thought came to mind that nobody walks like that, is she doing this on purpose? But I just brushed it off, just the skin tight jeans probably.
"Can I get you something to drink?" she asked, trying to be hospitable.
"No, I am fine." It sounded much harsher than I intended, and with a softer tone I continued: "I would like to be a generous landlord, but the reality is that I have a mortgage to pay on this building. Your rent payment makes up a good chunk of it. So, I will pass on the drink but need to know what you are going to do to get current on your rent."
"I know, I know" she said facing me but looking at the floor again. She struck me as a bit dramatic. "I have never been in this situation before, and absolutely abhor it, but I just need a bit more time."
"Great" I said. "No idea how you got here and no way out? That sounds like a quick trip down the legal path to eviction".
She looked me straight in the face. With wide eyes she exclaimed: "Oh, I just need a little bit of time, I get paid again on the 15th"
"Oh great!" I said, "And uncle Paul will just dream up some cash to help you out?" I was getting more and more agitated. This chick didn't get it. Rent was her responsibility and I am not going to be some kind of charity bank smoothing out her bumps in the road. Oh, bumps, yes, I wanted to see more of those, but that wasn't part of the deal!
She started down this road of "oh my niece ran into some trouble and I had to post bail because ..."
I cut her off. "Oh, I feel for you, but that really is none of my business and I really don't want to be involved. I want to collect my rent, and while you live your life, I live mine."
"But you have to understand, I couldn't just leave her in jail! I had to do something..." She said.
"Well, you may be helping her, but you are sure messing up this lease." I said. "I am going to be forced to report you to the credit bureau and start eviction procedures. After all, this is a business agreement we got into, and you are not pulling your weight."
"I know. I am sorry."
Oh the sad face above that shirt. In my mind, that image only existed for a flash. In my mind, her shirt would be laying somewhere on the ground and she would be flashing her ear-to-ear smile at me.
My mind was traveling a mile a minute. I already had my hands on her proud boobs, the room was moving around me, a rhythmic motion of her body relative to the room...
"Are you ok?" Her question pulled me out of my reverie.
"You know that I am not leaving empty handed" I said. "I need some assurance you are going to get current on your rent in a hurry." I almost blurted it.
"Oh, I will, I promise." She said.
"I will make you a deal, you work off the interest right now, and I will let it go till the 15th. But if you don't meet that date, I am starting the eviction procedure."
She looked revolted. "What?? You want me to - work it off? - Crap, what kind of man are you?"
Did she just smile?
What just flashed over her face?
I wasn't sure what just happened. I made an indecent proposal, oh crap what did I just do? But I saw something happened, just not sure what just happened. All I could think was: Time to get out of here.
