I knew that getting home for Christmas was going to be an ordeal, but I had no idea just how much of one it would be. Getting from Tulsa to Houston is hell of a drive, and my daring plan to surprise my family bright and early on Christmas Eve meant driving for nearly 12 straight hours 8 p.m. to 8 a.m. The landscape between the two cities isn't exactly varied. As a result it's very easy to lose track of just how fast you're going since the view out of the window is so uniform. So despite my intentions to keep under 80 the entire way I found myself doing nearly 90 by the time I heard the sirens and saw the familiar blue lights in my rear view mirror around 1 a.m.
"Shit," I muttered. "Looks like Barney Fife set up a speed trap."
I pulled onto the shoulder and looked into my side mirror as I saw the trooper get out of his cruiser and come strutting up to my window. The night made it hard to see much other than the shape his frame, and even that was hard to determine since he had a heavy jacket on in the December weather. All I could really make out was that he was a big man-tall and broad. He tapped my window with the butt of his nightstick and I rolled it down.
"I clocked you at more than 20 miles over the limit back there," he drawled with a thick accent.
"Sorry officer, but I'm just trying to get home for the holidays."
"License and registration." I handed him the requested items and sat in silent anger as he strolled back to his car. I still had at least six hours ahead of me, I was already pretty tired, and now this dipshit of a lawman was trying to be a big shot even though it was the holidays.
After what felt like an eternity the officer returned with his same slow amble. "According to the computer you've got a few outstanding tickets back in Oklahoma."
I groaned. Those things were a couple of low grade parking tickets and this prick was going to bust my balls over them. He sensed my frustration and gave me a sadistic grin as he threatened, "Technically I could book you for this."
"Officer, what will it take to make you let me off with a warning?"