It was raining terribly, and I was terribly late.
I stood dry under the protection of the front porch. He was already there, of course.
He was there an hour ago, I realized with a twinge of horror. I had made him wait.
He rolled down the passenger window, and just looked at me.
It's now or never.
It was funny, how different he was as a friend and how he was...now.
As a friend he was... light hearted. He had a presence, of course, that's what drew me to him in the first place. But that's what drew everyone to him. Everything seemed to bounce off him- he was so easy, so homely, so familiar. He was your brother from another mother, the guy who'd always listen to the girls, the senior you called up when you got into trouble and the representative who could actually negotiate between the students and the faculty.
He seemed to pull crowds in with his talk, entertained them as he saw fit and poof - the crowd would disperse, and he'd be walking away with a friend, discussing whatever his mind was preying on that particular day.
I had told him one day, that he was a lucky guy for having so many friends. He looked straight into my eyes, when I said that.
That must have been the first day we had a real, one to one contact.
"You think so?" He almost whispered. I smelled his perfume. It unnerved me.
"...yes?" I answered meekly. I stepped back, but he still seemed to loom over me anyways.He looked one more time, as though he wanted to say something, then laughed, and the tension dispersed, and suddenly I felt as though he had put up a glass wall between us.
I was angry. How dare he. Here I am, baring my thoughts and he was just...laughing...laughing!
Imagine how I felt when I found out my friends were actually planning to couple me with this... wierdo.
"Look, Kim, this is probably the weirdest request, but I thought you'd be perfect for this. You just broke up, and Mary doesn't like seeing you moping around. And I know Liam doesn't show it, but he's pretty unhappy too. I think you could.. uh..." Tom looked around awkwardly for the rest of his sentence.
"Why is he unhappy? How do you know? Why should I care?" I shot back.
We looked at Liam, skillfully ordering drinks for my housemates. He looked anything but unhappy.
"I knew him since we were in diapers. And well, he told me about it. That he got rejected from the military."
Again, we watched as he raised a shot glass and mock toasted something as everyone around him broke into raucous laughter.
"I thought he was sad over his breakup?" I asked.
He had casually mentioned it to the group, as a little self depreciating joke. It worked- all the guys were sorry for him, all the girls were suddenly very nice to him.
That's how he did it. Like some perverse fisherman, he hooked people by their favorite bait, and pulled in and in and in- but never reeled them into his hands, never gave them the final release of his truth.And the people were content by this barrier. After all, it made them feel protected.
"No, that... You know what, I don't know," said Tom, flustered.
"I can't even get close to this guy. Look at him. You think he needs me?" I asked him testily.
"Look I know you,and I know him," said Tom earnestly. "I think he could benefit from someone like you."
"And what do I get?"
"Him." he looked at me, and started laughing as I started to slap the shit out of his head.
Tom and Mary were an amazing couple. They worked so skillfully together they could've run the entire college if they wanted to. But instead, they preferred lazying around and playing Cupid.
Whenever there was an event, they invited him; and me. And loads of other people, so he wouldn't suspect, I guess.
At a house party, he recited "To His Coy Mistress" from memory, using me as his prop 'mistress'. I felt naked while everyone clapped and whoo-ed at his skill. He winked at me at the end. I rolled my eyes. "Show off," I muttered, as I hugged my coat around myself defensively.
The the next time, we were watching a movie at Mary's place. I was slumped against the wall, on the bed, bored already with the story. He shifted from the sofa, and rolled onto the bed like it was his property.
"I have a headache. Massage my head," he said to me, and promptly dropped his head into my lap. For some reason I did it. Occasionally he rolled away from the screen to look into my eyes; I felt owned.
The next time, we were eight people. We were having dinner out, and my friends had kindly re-arranged everyone so we ended up sitting right next to each other. Our knees touched and I jerked away. He didn't do anything. Ten minutes later, he suddenly grabbed my thigh. "Stop. You're shaking the table," he whispered.
He was right. I was so nervous, I didn't realize my restlessness was making the table shake. He unclasped his hand, let me go, but I swore I felt the warmth of this touch, burned into my skin, for the rest of the night.
All this time, by the way, he was the perfect person- light and fun, as always. Smiling and gracefully doleing out whatever the moment called for. Coaxing me out gently out of my shell to enjoy the world around us. No one would've said that he felt a lick more for me than he felt for the next girl.
His attitude even made me question myself, wondering if I was reading too much into it. But this was a game only we knew about. Only these three moments stood out for me, and were enough to make me dread what was going to happen next.
The last time we were together, we were in a taxi, stuck in traffic. It was nearing midnight, hot, wet and everything felt that yucky kind of sticky.
Liam was in the front, and I was stuck in the back with Tom and Mary.
"Kim, exchange with me," said Mary suddenly.
"What?"
"Just do it," replied Tom breathily. We clumsily wiggled over each other in that cramped space.
"Better," she said, and flipped off her t shirt. I watched, shocked, as my two friends started what looked like eating each other's faces., Tom's hands slipped into the cups of her bra. She moaned like an animal as his thumbs pushed in her nipples.
"You like this, don't you? Show everyone what a little attention seeking slut you are," chuckled Tom.
I stuck my head into the nook of the seat head in front of me. "Can you believe this?" I whispered to Liam.
"What's there not to believe?" he answered back, with a hint of a smile.
"This is a taxi, for Pete's sake."
"Well, the driver can kick us out if he wants to," he said, winking at the cab driver. I rolled my eyes.
Now you, little rabbit, are just jealous," he said, turning to me.
"No, I feel awkward," I said, moving backwards- then I realized my friends were almost lying on the backseat, grinding against each other. I jumped forwards, and hit my head against Liam's head.
"Oof... Argh," I moaned, not being to look anywhere else.
"This is awkward," I repeated unhappily, as he laughed.
"Well then, let me take the awkwardness away," he offered.
He turned, half grabbing my face with his hand and kissed my lips.
It was a rough kiss, with my tongue being thrust in and his teeth slicing against my lips. I gave a little yelp when I felt him bite my tongue. I jerked away, wiping my mouth.
"You want more," he said, looking into my eyes again.
I whimpered.Was it the situation? Or was it that he'd already hooked me, while I wasn't looking?
