The Psychologist

'How are you today Katherine?'

'A little shaken, Miss. I'm having a bit of difficulty centering myself after the weekend.'

'Please call me Carol, Katherine. It helps to keep our talk more natural. Just think of me as a helpful friend that you can be open with.'

'Sorry Carol. I do remember. It is just that I'm in a very submissive frame of mind so it is hard to remember that I'm your client.'

'Let us talk about your frame of mind then Katherine. I know you sometimes worry about having difficulty separating your sex life from your day to day one. There is certainly nothing wrong with submission in the bedroom if that is what you enjoy but as your therapist I want to make sure your behavior and your partner's is safe and consensual.'

'I know Carol. I'm so glad I have you to rely on. Ever since I started coming to speak to you, I've felt so much safer in pursuing what my mind wants because I know I have you here to bring me back to reality on Mondays. I guess my frame of mind is submissive and needy. It was a long weekend of serving him and pleasing him, but he didn't permit me to orgasm. So, all that sexual energy is still bouncing around my head, still making me want to do anything to earn a release.'

'Now Katherine. We have spoken a lot about orgasms and your decision to allow your partner to control them. That is perfectly normal sexual play, but let's focus on your language a bit because the words we choose reveal a lot about how we are thinking and if we aren't careful it can reinforce unhelpful ideas in our heads. You say you will do anything to earn this orgasm, but that certainly isn't true right? You have limits about what actions or things you would do for your partner. I want you to always say, 'I will do almost anything to earn an orgasm' just to reinforce to yourself that you can always refuse. You can always walk away from this person if they push you too far.'

'Thank you Carol. I will do almost anything for an orgasm. Thank you so much for reminding me. Sometimes I just lose myself in my need. But you shouldn't worry, he would always keep me safe and never push me too far.'

'Of course, Katherine. I'm sure that your partner would never do anything to seriously hurt you, but it is best for all of us to look out for ourselves as well. Remember when you started coming to these sessions, you said that you were worried that your life was being taken over by your sexual needs. Now we have made a lot of progress together on establishing a wall between your sex life and your professional life, but that wall needs to be continually worked on or it can easily erode away.'

'Now, Katherine. Has he asked anything of you that breached that wall?'

'Only in little ways Miss. He likes to have me submit to him in secret little ways when I'm with other people.'

'Please elaborate Katherine because as your therapist this seems like it can easily go too far. Remember this is a safe space and there is absolutely no judgment on your actions, just concern about your safety.'

'Well as we've spoken before, I'm not allowed to wear panties, and must wear skirts at all times. He decided this weekend that from now on I will always wear a butt plug when I go out in public by myself. And this morning he wrote something on my bottom in black marker, but I'm not allowed to look in the mirror to read it.'

'So, let me unpack this Katherine because there is a lot in what you said. You have said before that not wearing panties heightens your mind's focus on your genitals, always making you worry that you are going to flash someone or drip on things due to your sexual arousal.'

'Yes Miss. It makes me always think about being controlled by him. Because I've left my most private areas bare and exposed to the world on his command.'

'Does the butt plug add to that sensation? I assume you are wearing it now as you keep shifting in the seat.'

'Yes, sorry Miss. It is just so uncomfortable when I sit down, pressing up inside me. I guess I'm not used to it yet. It makes me feel like he is always inside me, using me for his pleasure. Maybe that is why I'm feeling so submissive today, like I would do anything someone told me to. I'm sorry Miss but would you mind if I knelt on the seat, I just can't cope with the intensity of the feeling when my weight rests on it.'

'If that makes you more comfortable Katherine.'

'Thank you, Miss. It feels more natural to be kneeling.'

'Now that you are more comfortable, Katherine, let us talk about the writing on your bottom as you put it. You have no idea what he wrote?'

'No Miss. I have no idea. I thought about looking in the mirror but that would break his trust and I don't want to ask anyone because it would be so humiliating. But I feel so degraded, like my body is just his signpost. I was so worried coming into your office today that a gust of wind might blow my skirt up and someone would read whatever he wrote.'

'Yes, I can understand how it must feel to have something written on your body but not knowing what exactly it is. But I am encouraged hearing that you thought of asking someone to read it to you since you were only told not to look in a mirror. It tells me that you are still thinking for yourself within the bonds of submission that you allow him to place on you.'

'Thank you, Miss. It is really bothering me about not knowing the exact wording. It makes me think of so many phrases that he might have written, it is almost making me come up with so many degrading things to say about myself. I would feel so much better if I could just know the words.'

'Hmmm, have you thought of taking a picture with your phone? That wouldn't violate what you were told to do by your partner.'

'Oh, thank you Miss. That is such a good idea.'

'If it would set you mind at ease Katherine, I will wait while you go do that in the washroom.'

'Thank you, Miss, but another one of his new rules is that I have to edge every time I enter a washroom....'

'I see Katherine, and from what you told me in previous sessions, that is when you masturbate and bring yourself close to an orgasm but stop just before that occurs.'

'Yes Miss. I'd like to avoid doing that in your building.'

'Yes, that might be a bit problematic, no judgment of course on my part... I think that might interfere with our ability to have a productive conversation today. Well if it makes you feel more at ease, I will simply turn my chair around while you use your phone and then we can carry on the session.'

'Oh, thank you so much Miss, I will be quick.'

.....

'Well may I inquire as to what your partner wrote on your body Katherine?'

'I'm sorry Miss. I want to tell you but I just can't bring myself to say those words in front of you, it would make it feel like I am naming myself as what he wrote.'

'I understand Katherine. That is certainly perceptive of you. I'm glad you are appreciating the power of the words we say.'

'I want to talk about it though. I thought knowing the words would set my mind at ease but now I can only think about them written on my body, for anyone to see, like a mark of shame.'

'I see Katherine.... Well perhaps you can write the words down if you are comfortable with that.'

'I'm sorry Miss but I think that would be too much for me.'

'I understand Katherine. It is perfectly normal to feel that way. Speaking and writing things in our own voice makes them so much more powerful. I understand why you do not wish to claim those words as your own. In order to talk about them meaningfully however I am going to have to know what is written on your bottom.... Would you be comfortable showing me the picture, Katherine?

'Yes, Miss I think that would be best. I'm sorry that you have to look at such a disgusting sight due to my mental frailty.'

'Nonsense Katherine, your body is very attractive, and I don't want you to ever think otherwise. Now please hand me your phone.'

.....

'Well I can understand why you do not wish to say that out loud, Katherine. I want to first say very strongly that what he wrote is not true. You are a very fine woman indeed and your sexual preferences do not limit you or define you in any way that you do not wish them to. I am glad that you feel comfortable enough with me to reveal these things, it makes it much easier on my part to provide you with useful advice.'

'Thank you for your kind words Carol but I really feel that there is some truth to what he wrote. The things I have done for him are so very far away from normal. I feel like I can never get rid of that shame.'

'There is no shame in enjoying yourself Katherine. Shame is often just a by-product of not following society's expectations in our lives, but we can always choose to reject those expectations. I think you are allowing the duality of private and public lives to label yourself as not normal. We all do not normal things in private, but we pretend to be perfectly normal in public... That creates societal norms that are sometimes are very far away from what the average person actually does when they are in their home with the blinds drawn.

To help put your mind at ease Katherine... I have personally done the act the phrase mentions with another woman and while I am not ashamed of it, I definitely do not reveal it publicly. So, you are not as different as you might think Katherine. You have your quirks and unique attributes to be sure but those only make you special, not weird.'

'Thank you, Carol, for saying that. I feel so much better now, and I'm touched that you would share that with me.'

'I'm glad that we have such a good connection Katherine, I really think that together we can help you come to terms with your own sexuality, so it no longer causes you so much anxiety.

Unfortunately, I have another appointment starting shortly so this ends our time today. Perhaps we should schedule a longer appointment next week so we can spend more time on a few things we just touched on briefly today. If you feel comfortable with it, I would like you to spend some time thinking up a list of things that you would not do to earn an orgasm and we can use that as our basis for our next discussion on limits and boundaries.'

'Thank you for your time Carol. I always feel so much better after speaking with you. I look forward to seeing you next week.'

Katherine left the office. Carefully holding her skirt in place so it definitely wouldn't show anything. She did feel so much better after the talk. It felt so good to discuss her situation honestly with someone without worrying that they would tell other people about what she revealed. But unfortunately, she had not been completely honest. She had her rules to follow.

She hadn't told Carol that her relationship wasn't consensual, she couldn't walk away if he pushed her too far. She had never been into submission, teaching at University had made her more of a dominant personality type. Until one semester a beautiful, young student had led her on, tempting Katherine with her body and words until Katherine had finally given in to temptation and tasted forbidden fruit. Then he had come into her life, with videos and pictures that would destroy her professional and private life if he wished. Since then she had learned to be submissive, learned to obey orders, learned to live her life to please others.

She hadn't told Carol that she was always recording each session on her phone. That he loved to listen to each recording while he played with her. That he enjoyed hearing her reveal each sordid act that he made her do in front of a sophisticated lady like Carol. He was going to love hearing Carol admit to having participated such a specific sexual activity.

She hadn't told Carol that she was only one of five psychiatrists she saw every week. Five single, lesbian, attractive psychologists... he had chosen them with care. One day one of them would go too far, would be unable to resist the beautiful, submissive client that needed someone to save her from a dominant that was slowly destroying her life. One day one of them would find themselves in the same situation as she had. Facing the destruction of their lives unless they did just one small act of submission, then another, then another until there was no way out...

She hoped it wouldn't be Carol. She like Carol, she was so kind and understanding. But today's session had shown Carol was beginning to be caught in his trap. Trying so hard to help Katherine that she was bending the rules on client relationships. Katherine was worried that next week there would be no phone as an intermediary, Carol would let her raise her skirt and show her Katherine's naked ass... bare pussy, plugged ass... kneeling on the chair in front of Carol as she read aloud whatever phrase he chose to write there.