I am a social deviant. When riding on the train each morning I always examine the faces of those traveling with me, sometimes making eye contact. I am searching for a hint of recognition, for a sign that they remember, that they know who I am.
I live in Newark and commute to New York every morning on the 6:40 train. I always catch the same train and after a while you get to recognize the faces of the other regulars. The train is always over full in the mornings and it's not uncommon to be crammed in with pressed right against the others around you.
A few months ago in August I was on the train as usual. It had been over 90 degrees all week and I was wearing a low cut skirt and a thin blouse. Shortly after Harrison station I felt a hand push against my thigh which in itself wasn't unusual but instead of immediately pulling back, as one usually would, the hand remained on my thigh. I wondered what I should do. At first I wasn't sure if it was intentional, but it was too long and too firm to just be the result of the tight quarters. Should I move away? I thought. But, why should I move away? I was here first.
I was still thinking this as the hand slowly moved up my thigh. I could feel the individual fingers pressing into my skin through the fabric of my skirt.
At this point I wanted to move away but I was mesmerized by the audacity of his touch. I stood motionless and for a minute or so the hand remained firmly on my thigh as the train continued its journey. After a little bit though, I felt the hand start to wander again across my skirt in the direction of my inner thigh.