Jim sat at the bar and chuckled as he watched the video on his phone. Ange had pranked his mate, John, perfectly. His face was a picture at the end of the clip. He clearly didn't know whether to cry with relief that it had all been a joke, and Angela was alive and well. Or rage that he had been so perfectly scammed.
"I see you're enjoying Ange's work," came a drawl at Jim's shoulder. Jim looked round to see John standing there.
"She got you properly. You gotta admit it. Your face at the end. Bloody perfect."
"Aye, it was well done. She even got me to film my own view, and I really hadn't a clue... So, you going leave me standing here, or you gonna offer me a drink?"
"Sit yourself down yer tight git. I'll get a round in."
Three pints later, Jim turned to his friend and asked, "So, revenge. How yer gonna get her back?"
"Oh, I have a cunning stunt in mind. Will take some planning, but I have my opening already."
"Well, spill. What are you up to?"
John pulled a letter from his jacket pocket and held it up.
"This here is a letter from Angela's doctor. Seems she has a rash that the vane bint is worried about. Essentially the letter gives her the all-clear. But I found it before she did, so she does not know."
"So... What are you planning?"
"Gonna set up an appointment with a fake dermatologist. She's going to come up with an entirely different diagnosis."
"You bastard!"
"Me? After what the lass put me through. No man, the cow deserves it."
-*-
Angela sat in the waiting room and studied the magazine. She had found it in the pile of reading matter offered on the low table in the middle of the room. She'd rather be on her phone but annoyingly there was no signal in the room, and no public wifi offered either.
She was concerned that the stupid rash she had shown the doctor had landed her in a hospital clinic. That the appointment had been made by the consultant, and had not come from her own doctor, was unusual too.
John sat next to her, looking even more bored than she was. He had given her a lift over, finding himself out of the office, having been told to use up his holiday by his employer. Just two days, but it meant once they were out of here, they had a long weekend together if she milked this as a 'sicky'.
"Miss Attwell?"
Angela looked up to see a tall woman in a white coat standing in front of her.
"Yes, that's me."
"Wonderful, I'm Professor Boult, but please call me Sally." Looking at John, she asked, "Your husband?"
"My partner," answered Angela.
"How do you do, sir?" The professor held out her hand to John.
"Fine, thank you," replied John shaking her hand.
"Excellent," beamed the professor. "If you could both follow me." The couple followed the Doctor into her office. A nurse waited inside and smiled as they entered. Angela and John seated themselves in two chairs facing the desk. The doctor seated herself behind the desk.
The nurse quietly closed the office door and resumed her position to one side.
"So Angela, your GP referred you to me after getting the tests back from the rash that started on your inner thigh. Is that correct?"
"Yes, he said he thought it would pass in time but took samples to be safe. I must say, I was very surprised to get this referral without a second consultation with Dr Jones."
"That's actually my fault, Angela. I'm running a study on a new treatment for a new bug. As such, I've been screening all dermatological samples sent through this lab. When I got a positive from your sample, I contacted Dr Jones directly."
"That sounds very alarming," responded Angela, her face creased with fear, a hand reaching out for John's.
"I'll get straight to the point, Angela. You have contracted a rather serious infection. It is absolutely not life-threatening. But it could cause, if untreated, heavy scarring, disfigurement or in the most extreme cases blindness."
"Oh, my God! What will happen to me? What does it do?"
"I'm sorry, Angela, I really did not mean to scare you. I want to stress that the symptoms I just mentioned, would only occur if the condition was left untreated. I most certainly intend to treat you, and hope that you will remain completely symptom-free."
"I don't understand. Am I going to get sick or not?"
"Strictly speaking you are sick. The condition is serious, but not life-threatening. There is though, a treatment, and I'll not lie here, the treatment is arduous. However, if you follow the treatment plan to the letter, you ought to emerge on the other side of this event scar-free, and in perfect health."
"What is going to happen to me?" Wailed Angela.
"Before we get to that, let me explain your condition properly and then how we are going to treat it."
"Okay."
"You've contracted a new superbug that is resistant to antibiotics. I'm afraid they are getting more and more prevalent, and they are causing us quite a headache in the medical world.
"Your particular bug has yet to be named. It's part of the Streptococcus family and closely related to what the media likes to scare people by calling the flesh-eating bug. But essentially, yours is a photosensitive bacterium that damages arterial walls. It has several weaknesses, that we can exploit to rid you of this infection. Unfortunately for you, they are mostly physical regimes rather than drug therapies."
"What do I have to do? I'll do anything."
"First, we need to understand how it works. Light, almost certainly ultraviolet wavelengths, triggers the bacterium in your blood. This typically will happen when it passes through the skin or the eyes."
The professor continued, "Once active, it attacks the arterial wall. It is not active in the venal system nor, and we are not sure why, it does not attack the brain, heart or lungs. So the first treatment is simple; you must stay away from strong sources of light."
"Once it has caused a lesion in an arterial wall, the bacterium multiplies in the wound, causing puss-filled swellings and further ruptures. To stop these from developing, we need to keep your skin under compression. Typically a latex rubber membrane is used to do this. We can do this either post-rupture to minimise the damage or throughout the lifetime of the infection to prevent any outbreaks in the first place.
"To stop lesions occurring within your ears, mouth, rectum and vagina, these spaces will need to be kept under pressure similarly to the outer skin. Typically inflatable intrusions into these orifices will suffice, though the rectal item will necessitate a low-volume diet.
"Finally, to protect the aorta, kidneys and liver, the abdomen must be kept under as much compression as does not interfere with respiration or circulation. Also, the lower leg and foot will need extra compression due to the increased pressure when in an upright posture."
"This preventative rubber membrane... are we talking a rubber suit of some sort?"
"Angela, do you play kinky games in the bedroom?"
