It was uncommonly hot for the second week of June but there was grass to cut before the next four days of predicted rain. I was sure with my recent luck they would get it right for once. I pulled my lawn tractor out of the garage and let the door down behind it.
I live in a safe and quiet upscale neighborhood, but I like to cut the grass of a widowed neighbor lady four houses up before mine and I figure since I don't have a clear view of my house from there, why invite trouble. Besides I do have a nice weed eater and chainsaw that I would like to keep so I don't try to tempt anyone.
As I was finishing up that first cut, I noticed a young lady go by at a swift rate. She was wearing a pair of those tight gray yoga pants that looked to be painted on and a loose print top with the tell tale signs of a hot pink sports bra under it. I can remember thinking "brutal", because at 92 degrease, I was already miserable and I was riding and here she is speed walking and carrying those little white plastic hand weights.
About twenty minutes into cutting my lawn, I stopped and opened the garage to grab a bottled water out of the old fridge that I keep mainly for beer. I got back on my tractor and start cutting again, then I noticed her come around for another lap. I remember thinking what great shape she must be in because by now she's been at it for well over an hour.
I stopped about fifteen feet shy of the side walk to let her pass by without getting my grass clippings blown on her and I noticed that her top was totally soaking wet from sweat and as she passed I could clearly see that most of her bottom was too. After I cut all but the last few passes of the far back portion of my yard, I ran out of gas. I thought that I should take a break and go in to cool down a bit before walking back down with the gas can to finishing mowing.
As I came in from the garage through my mudroom to the kitchen, I ran smack dab into little miss yoga pants. She had my cabinet doors open and being startled she quickly put a hand behind her back. Now that we were face o face, I recognized her as one of my neighbors from a street over. Her and her husband would jog in the evenings with their kid in one of those three wheel strollers and I think we may even have spoken once.
I asked her what in the hell she was doing and before I would let her answer, I pulled her arm from around her back and she dropped a bottle of oxycontin the hospital had prescribed me when I had some minor knee surgery. I knew then that she wasn't a power walker, she was (to pun a phrase) a drug runner.
She told me to let her go or she would say that I forced her inside my house. She also said that she would tell the authorities that I tried to assault her if I didn't let her leave right then.
I walked over to my laptop and hit rapid rewind and then fast forward. When I saw the unusual blur, I stopped it, backed it up 30 seconds, hit play and called her over.
She was devastated as she watched the monitor and saw herself sneak into my house all alone. It showed her enter and leave my bathrooms and finally rummage my kitchen cabinets where I found her and she found my pain killer.
I thought she might faint when I played the audio of her sweet little voice telling me that she would falsify an abduction and molestation, if I didn't let her walk.
Her eyes darted around the ceiling and an she turned pail when she spotted the little cameras.
I picked up her small hand weights and found them to be far too light and noticed that the ends unscrewed. In the hollow handle was a prescription bottle for a Frank Morgan for xanax and a Kimberly Whittaker for valiun in the other.
I said "well little druggy lady it looks like you've made quite a hall for yourself today, up until now."
She asked me how we could handle this and I said that I would let the police decide. As I was pulling my cell phone from my pocket, she begged me not to call. She said that I didn't understand, that she had two priors before she got married and that her husband didn't know.
I told her that none of this had a thing to do with me and I told her that she was stupid to try to pull off these brazen daylight thefts, especially in today's age of electronics and that now she has ruined her and her family lives.
When she grabbed my wrist begging me not to call, I caught a whiff of her sweet sweat and a shampoo like scent. She said she had a little girl in preschool and with this being the third offense, she would go to jail for the full term this time.
I said that she should have thought of that before reducing herself to common thief who burglarizes her own neighbors and I pretended to dial while awaiting her next move.
Then came those magical words that I was hoping for, "isn't there some other way we can settle this". I immediately stopped pretending and as she let go of my wrist, I stepped back and we just stared at one another.