Clarissa drove him to the walk-in clinic where they told the triage nurse a white lie about him slipping in the tub. She sat with him in the waiting room and held his hand while they stitched him up and diagnosed him with a mild concussion. Then she dropped him off at the paperback book exchange while she went to the gym to work out.
He had always loved bookstores and this paperback exchange was one of his favorites. It was out of the way and mostly silent and the warm afternoon air was stirred by couple of lazy fans. The quiet, calm atmosphere always settled his nerves and made him feel secure. Although his freshly stitched check throbbed, he began to feel better inside. The shame and guilt were mostly gone and he wasn't so emotionally raw and exhausted anymore. Being in a bookstore was one of his comfort zones, a place he really felt he belonged and could escape to. He breathed easier, let his hand trail over the spines of a few books and let in the smell of old paper backs carry his mind away.
He hadn't been popular as a child. With few friends he mostly kept to himself. High school had been a four-year ordeal for him with daily taunts, degradations and regular beatings from other kids. His interests and habits made him an object of ridicule for his peers and he hadn't enjoyed his time there. His parents had told him that it was his fault for being different and that he could fix it if he wanted to, so he quit complaining to them. He learned to fear people, especially large groups and longed for a place to escape. It turned out that place to escape to was books.
To cope with the daily rejection and ridicule he had buried himself in his studies and there he discovered his love of books. The books took him to other places where he wasn't small and scared all the time. In those books he found friends, and heroes and worlds to explore and he found those books in bookstores, so it was only natural that bookstores were among his favorite places on earth.
The books went with him to college and in college he had discovered another love: Rugby. Rugby demanded toughness and discipline and he threw himself into it with passion. For the first time in his life, he felt a part of something and that was motivation to endure the physical stress. It was through Rugby that the angry part of himself, the Beast, found healthy expression and discipline. It gave him a constructive place to put his rage. As his physical size increased people left him alone for the most part. Instead of an object of ridicule he became the "weird guy" in the dormitory that people didn't mess with, but also didn't hang out with. That suited him fine. He didn't want much to do with them either.
During his college years he had discovered two things about himself. He was smart and he was unabashedly an independent individual ready and willing to buck every trend. Those two traits had combined to make him a success after college, and with that success he suddenly went from "weird guy" to "attractive" to others. He still mistrusted and disliked people and it was disorientating for them to want to be around him. Still, he could retreat into his books and stoically deal with the crowd of sycophants success had brought. Yet inside he was still that scared little nerd from high school who just craved acceptance or solitude. Only now he was physically strong and intimidating and he was determined to keep himself safe from the damage others could do. For that reason, he had kept everyone at arm's length.
And then Clarissa showed up.
It took a special someone with a caring and discerning heart, someone like Clarissa, to see who he was and treat him with the gentleness and kindness he craved while she gently guided him towards a deeper understanding of himself; guided him towards healing. She knew him and he trusted her with that knowledge. She knew the man and she knew the man contained the Beast and the Beast protected the man. She understood that someday, since Rugby was gone with his repeated knee injuries, the Beast would need another form of expression. She loved him enough to direct him toward that expression. Her love for him included the knowledge that one day she would have to face off with the Beast and earn his trust. Throughout their dating and their subsequent marriage, she had been gentle in her dealings with him. While part of her was eager to have this confrontation, she knew he wasn't ready, so she had been gentle and told him they would deal with the Beast later.
