Allan drove to work the day after his initial exam. It was a warm and lush late summer day. He normally enjoyed his commute; it was his time to enjoy the rural scenery along back roads. Even post-covid, the bank where he worked was partially hybrid, a few days in the office and a few days at home.
His commute was his time to think, but Marika had confused him... angered him. And she supposedly had this video hanging over his head. His thoughts spun and he held his head in his hand as he drove his normally calm route to work. Today, he just wasn't exactly sure what he was feeling.
Was it real?
Could she have really done that?
Would she do something like that if a video really existed?
He settled on violated. Like when someone broke into his condo a few years ago. He didn't feel like he was in control. Marika had stolen something from him, and Allan felt violated. Not only did she make him do things against his will but the fact that she had fucking blackmailed him, got him angrier and angrier.
But, oddly, at the same time, he was aroused.
Allan thought about his options.
He didn't have to go back for his next session, but would she really blackmail him? His thoughts swirled...
Why was she taking such an interest in him? Would it be worth the risk to not go for the second appointment? What would happen? Would she post things under his LinkedIn? Or post to his Facebook? Twitter? How bad would that be if she did do those things?
It would be awful for his career, he knew that. He had a really good job and was on a strong career trajectory. He was an excellent programmer and he and his small team had delivered very consistently over the last three years of a technology transformation project - one of the few teams to do so. He had been noticed by management and he knew that he was well thought of.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! What was he going to do? At least he had a few days to make a decision.
That night, he found that sleep would not find him and it kept him up. It bothered him at work the next day too, and then another poor night of sleep, thinking about what she might do and how it could impact him and his career. He masturbated that second night, thinking about the experience with Marika and fantasizing about wearing nylons, and a garter and panties...He watched some transgender porn, something he had never done before, and he came hard. There was something there that he had never really thought about, and it intrigued him.
He thought about his job and career and the pros and cons of being exposed or just going through with a second exam. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed like he shouldn't chance his career.
After the second night of poor sleep, he began to think about just going through with it. He had to visit his mother over the weekend; he could just go to a Target or Walmart and buy some lingerie on his way there or on the way back from his visit.
But could he deal with the embarrassment of going through a checkout? He could go really early or right before they closed... less people, he thought. Allan weighed the options of doing it in a checkout, but he'd look fucking ridiculous at any hour doing a self-checkout at Walmart, scanning the bar codes of stockings and a garter set...
He could buy it on Amazon. But even with Prime it wouldn't get there until Tuesday and his appointment was Tuesday morning. Shit!
He did buy an old girlfriend some lingerie years ago at Victoria's Secret. The saleswoman there was really helpful and made him feel at ease. Allan thought back to his old girlfriend, Kelly. She never really liked the lingerie he gave to her. She wore it once, just to please him, but he sensed how uncomfortable it made her feel. It was the one and only time she wore the set...
Allan thought about it... there was a Victoria's Secret in the Evergreen Mall not far from his mom's house, near Harrisburg. No one would know him there. He looked on his phone and saw it was still there.
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That Sunday, he visited his mother, a two-hour trip north. He thought and pondered on his way up US 15, lost in thought, as to how this may play out. During his visit with his mother, he knew he was distant and absent - preoccupied with figuring out this lingerie purchase.
He tried to be a good son. He was the only child, His dad had passed several years prior, and he felt bad for not being a better son today. Allan kissed his mother goodbye, got in his car and made a beeline for the Evergreen Mall.
Once inside the mall, he made his plan. I am buying lingerie for my girlfriend. That was it. As he entered Victoria's Secret he felt like he was being creepy, or weird. There were many youngish women going in, coming out, looking at items and few well dressed and attractive sale people.
It had been a good ten to twelve years since he'd done this... Allan was out of his element.
A very attractive young woman greeted him - maybe 23-24. "Can I help you, sir?"
Allan had a knot in his stomach. He closed his eyes and rolled them up in his forehead and took a deep breath. "I'm trying to find some lingerie for my girlfriend."
"Did you have anything in mind?"
Allan just wasn't good with these types of situations. He was nervous... "Well... I'd like to get her something sexy. A garter and stockings and panties."
"We sell sets, or you can buy them separately. Each has its pros and cons."
The more they talked, the more embarrassed Allan got. It was almost like the clerk knew he was embarrassed and that he just wanted to get out of there or get it done with.
She seemed to know exactly how to make him feel more embarrassed than he already was.
"May I see a photograph of her so I can see what size she probably is?" You have to buy a matching bra to go with this! That will make her feel and look so sexy!" the clerk said enthusiastically.
She upsold him and he had overspent; nearly $90 on a matching garter, stockings, panties and a bra he didn't even want to get, but the clerk had talked him into it. He just wanted out of there and agreed to it.
And as she rung him up, she added insult to injury. She may have said, "I know she'll look great in that!" as Allan was leaving, but Allan could have sworn he heard her say "I know
you'll
look great in that."
He turned around as he walked away and the saleswoman was whispering with another sales associate and laughing.
Were they laughing at him? Had she really said that to him, or was he imagining it?
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