I always had a lot of sympathy for Bill Clinton during his Monica Lewinsky scandal. We're not of the same party, but as a healthy and vigorous man, I know how easy it is to get caught in the web of attraction that good-looking women cast out—whether they plan to or not.
I had my own experience in that line, and I would like to tell you about it. For reasons that will become obvious, I can't identify the state or the town where this took place, but I can assure you that it is all true.
I developed an innovative software system in a state in the Midwest, and no one was more surprised than I when the business became a huge success. We were making more money than I ever dreamed possible, and since the business, with the aid of a good manager, was pretty much running itself, I began to look around for other things to do. One of those things was the idea of running for governor of the state.
The existing governor found out that he had a serious case of pancreatic cancer and would not be able to run for a second term. Developing a new and passionate interest in politics, I decided to hire a personal assistant and a PR firm and spread some money and publicity around to get my name known. I had never run for any political office before, so I had to overcome that liability. On the advice of the PR firm, I spread my charity money around to the places where it would get the most attention: Boy Scouts, Girls Scouts, scholarships for needy students, etc. I didn't give a rat's ass about any of them, but I liked getting my picture taken as I handed out the checks.
I started making a lot of speeches around the state about what I thought the state needed. My PR firm dreamed up what they thought would be the most effective and the most popular ideas, but frankly, I didn't give a shit about any of it; I just wanted to be governor; I liked the idea of power. Everyone was asking me if I was going to run for governor, but I held off the announcement, acting as a press-tease as it were, knowing that I would get more attention that way.
My next speech was to be at the state university, where I had graduated 30 years before. I had decided to spend a couple of days there renewing old friendships, and my PA Dennis had secured us a comfortable suite at the local Marriott.
"The editor of the journalism school paper at the university wants to know if they can get an interview with you this afternoon, before your speech tonight?" Dennis asked. The university was famed for its journalism school, and the small daily paper there was called The Eagle.
"Is there any real value in it?" I asked.
"Not really, their only circulation is within the school, but it would be good PR in the community."
"Okay, I'll do it. Set it for one p.m., right after my lunch."
"Okay."
Once I saw the journalism student who was going to do the interview, I was sorry I had ever hesitated about it.
"How do you do, Mr. B-------------?" she said. "My name is Noel Wilkerson (not her real name), and we really appreciate your agreeing to this interview."
"Anything for the students," I said in my warmest manner.
She was absolutely beautiful: about five-eight, 110 pounds, silky straight blonde hair and a runway model's figure; in other words not much in the tits department but a really cute figure otherwise. She had apparently "dressed up" for the occasion, in the sense that she was actually, unlike the other students, wearing a dress: a black clingy woolen thing with brass buttons up the front. The traditional "little black dress", I guess. She did not appear to be wearing stockings, just low black heels, and she wore very little makeup, didn't need it.
The reason why I am giving this much description of her is that I have always fancied myself to be a ladies man—and have a considerable number of notches on my belt to prove it. I had married young—at 23—for the sake of my wife's money, but now we had been married for 30 years, and I was bored with the fat bitch. The only reason we stayed married was that she wanted to be the governor's wife, and I thought it was important to be able to display to the voters a stable and loving family. We also had a cocker spaniel—which I despised. I had always been a sportsman, and as a hunter, the quarry I was interested in the most was young quail: and here was a perfect example of it. I began to wonder how I could get into her pants.
"Would you like a drink?" I asked, walking over to the bottle of bourbon on the dresser.
"I'm only nineteen," she said with a smile. "That's below the drinking age in this state."
"I didn't ask that. I asked if you would like a drink."
My response seemed to surprise her. "All right," she said.
I poured two half glasses of bourbon and handed her one. "Sorry I don't have any ice. Do you need some water?"
"No, this is fine." She took a sip.
I pulled two chairs over from the round breakfast table and motioned for her to sit in one of them. "Dennis!" I said, calling in my PA from the other room. "The interview with this young lady will take about a hour, so why don't you go out for lunch? I know you haven't had any yet. And pick up the afternoon paper on your way back."
"Okay." He left, and I sat opposite Noel. "You're a very pretty young lady," I said to start off on a pleasant note. "Unusual for a journalist."
"Thank you." She smiled as she took a notepad and a small tape recorder from her purse. "Do you mind if I tape this interview?"
"Yes, actually, I do mind. I don't like mechanical devices, so I would rather you did not tape it. I'm willing to trust your memory—and your notes." My real reason was quite a bit different than that.
"All right." Reluctantly, she put the tape recorder away. "I do though have to start off with the most important question that everyone wants to know: Are you going to run for governor?"
"Let me be candid with you, Miss –Nickerson, was it?"
"Wilkerson."
"Yes, Wilkerson. Because of your paper's circulation and the age of the students, this interview is of very little importance to me. But it could be of great importance to you if you come back with the excusive answer to that question, right?"
"Yes, I guess that's right."
"Then I'll make a deal with you. I will submit to this interview if you're willing to do it in the nude."
She looked up from her notebook. "I beg your pardon?"
"You heard me. There's only the two of us here. If you take off all your clothes, I'll do the interview."
"You're kidding."
"I'm not kidding. I'll give you a minute to think about it. This is your chance to go back with the scoop of the year in this state."
She looked down at her notebook for a silent minute. Looking up, she said: "I thought you stood for moral values?"
"I do. From other people. But not from me."
"And you'll answer that and any other question truthfully?"