Suzie was generally happy with her life. Married to Jason, a Vicar, Suzie had become a sort of freelance amateur councillor, or agony Aunt, to her husbands flock, or at least the female half, and kept herself busy.
Jason had three parishes to cover, that kept him busy. Suzie showed her face in all three places, but did more of the group stuff, flower club, help the heroes coffee mornings and child related things, in the parish where she lived, Lower Bannerfield in Hampshire. A quiet country village, as yet not ruined by motorways etc.
One of the problems that seemed to have fallen into her lap, due to the simple fact that no one else wanted to deal with it, was the tramp. Jed, although nobody knew if that was his real name, was not a dictionary defined tramp, he had a home. A broken down caravan that was unclaimed by anyone else, was presumed to be his as it saved having to find him a bed elsewhere.
Jed's appearance however, was definitely that of a tramp. Dirty clothes in need of wash and repair most of the time, and seldom clean shaved or a trimmed beard, just unkempt growth, unclean teeth and boots held together with string and hope.
Jed could do many things, mend fences, dig holes, clean cars and farm equipment, he was great with animals and seasonal crops. In spite of his clothes, he kept his body clean by washing wherever he could, and ate whatever came his way. He was, in all honesty, rather useful at times, but could also be a bit of a worry.
Every now and then, one of the local wives would confide in Suzie how they had seen Jed washing and sometimes masturbating, in a shed, a yard or where he thought he was unobserved. A plain, simple speaker, Jed was not really the kind of man the wives felt like confronting, nor did they want husbands involved for various reasons. Jed was strongly built. No, this was a problem for the vicar's wife, Jed needed to be told to clean up his act, and Suzie was being asked, indirectly, to tell him.
At 40, Suzie was no prude, her sex life with Jason the Vicar was a bit slow, love making was maybe only four or five times a year, and unimaginative, but she had accumulated a fair amount of worldly knowledge one way or another, and even though she had her own standards and thoughts, she never judged others nor made comparisons. The problem with Jed however, would be something for which Suzie had no precedent, and would need some thought.
Jed, mid 50's maybe, was solidly built and looked healthy enough. He could work hard so his stamina had not suffered because of his life style, but his social skills had. He didn't do small talk, he was direct and took people at their word until given reason not to, and then all trust in them was dropped.
On Thursdays Jed weeded in the cemetery beside the church, next to the vicarage at Lower Bannerfield. Today was Thursday.
Suzie had the kind of looks you'd expect from a weekend news reader, or daytime TV presenter. Not outwardly sexy or provocative, but with an attractiveness that was there for those that looked for it. Her wardrobe was made up of a lot of second hand clothes, bought in one village and worn in the others, but as she always looked smart if demure, as befitted the wife of a clergyman, Suzie was warmly known as "The Lady" locally.
A sort of long bob cut made Suzie's dirty blond coloured hair bounce as she walked, and Jed also noticed, as always, the shapely calves and the perfectly sized breasts of the 5 foot nine vicars wife as she walked toward him.
"Hello Jed, fancy a cuppa and a sandwich, take the chill off for a bit?" Suzie asked.
"Thought you'd never ask Mrs." Jed said good humouredly in his slight Hampshire dialect.
Suzie had no real dialect or accent, which just added to the "Lady" element the locals had pinned on her. She chatted about the weeds and weather as she led Jed to the kitchen where she often served him tea and something to eat during his Thursdays work.
Suzie brought the conversation round to the other places Jed had worked in recent weeks, and how his life was in general.
"So I don't suppose you have much time for a lady friend then Jed, or are you keeping her a secret?"
"Can't see no woman having ought to do with me Mrs, not much to offer an' all that."
"You must still have certain feelings though I suppose?"
Jed spoke his thoughts in his usual direct manner. "Sounds like you're coming on to me Mrs, not after a bit of rough are you?"
"Oh heavens no," Suzie spouted quickly, knowing she was making a hash of it and deciding to be as direct as the tatty clothed man opposite her. "No, it's just that, well, you do seem to choose some less than private places to relieve your, certain, frustrations?" she stumbled.
"Say it direct Mrs, I won't take no offence."
"Well Jed, you do," Suzie paused, still a little uncertain, "well, masturbate where people see you, and it's quite off putting to some of the ladies even if you don't see them. No one's actually trying to make trouble, but, well, there are certain standards I suppose."
"Can't 'elp having a feeling now and then, what am I meant to do, if I wait 'til I go home, it's all subsided." Jed replied with no hint of embarrassment.
