This is how exciting my life is: it's a quiet Thursday evening, my wife's away on a business trip, and I'm just listening to a podcast while tidying the kitchen. To be honest, it doesn't really need it. I'm just avoiding some work that I probably should have started by now. Productive procrastination - we've all been there.
Everything's been washed and cleaned, even the oven. Ah, the Tupperware cupboard. Open it up and an avalanche of the stuff comes falling out - the remnants of a year's worth of takeaways.
In amongst it is a cake holder I remember belonged to one of my neighbours - I've been meaning to take that back.
I look at the clock - it's dark but it's only half past eight. I look out the living room window; her living room light's on... I could wait til tomorrow... ah fuck it, I'll take it over now. Why not? Just drop it off and then it's out of my way and I can finish this job and then
definitely
get on with my work.
My neighbour, Emma... she's in her mid 40s, about 5'6", plump, really cute face with bright eyes and a cheeky smile, shoulder length dark brown hair, nice sized boobs, not the greatest arse but looks good in certain dresses and skirts - yeah, I confess I've checked her out when I've seen her walking to her car. She's divorced with a teenage daughter and always seems slightly stressed out, but will always have a laugh when you chat to her on the street. You definitely get the impression she'd be really fun in bed.
Yeah, I'll take the Tupperware over.
'Hi, Chris! You ok?' 'Yeah, sorry to drop in so late - was just cleaning out the kitchen and found this.' 'Oh god I'd forgotten you had that - you needn't have worried. Thanks for bringing it over.' 'No problem! Sarah's away and I'm avoiding the work I
should
be doing.'
'Ha ha, yeah I'm doing the same to be honest. Molly's at her dad's tonight and I'm just rattling around... you want to come in for a cuppa?' 'Oh! Are you sure? I don't want to crash your evening...'
'Not at all, come in - I'll put the kettle on.'
So we're sat in the living room. I'm in the armchair in jeans and a jumper. She's on the sofa wearing loose lounge trousers and a hoodie. I can tell she's taken her bra off for the night but I try not to look. They're only breasts, for god's sake - stop being a hornyteenager. It smells faintly of sandalwood in here, which I love - I think she's a bit of an old wannabe hippy like me. We just chat generally about work, her kid, we laugh about the latest neighbourhood watch drama...
And then there's a noise.
Definitely not a fox in the bins, or something falling over in the garden. This was something rattling the back door; the sound of the door opening. We both get up, Emma calling 'Molls is that you?' But uncertain... why would she have come through the back door?
It wasn't her daughter. It was a man, all in black combat gear, with a balaclava and some sort of black mask over his eyes. He's pointing a handgun at us.
Emma gives a strangled scream and I put my arms around her. And a muffled voice says,
'Stay quiet. Don't scream. Don't move.'
'It's ok,' I say, my heart pounding. 'We're not going to do anything. You don't need to do anything. Just go now and it'll all be ok.' It'll all be ok? What the hell was that?
'Back through there,' he says - and motions towards the living room. We back up, neither of us sure whether to look at the floor or the gun or the blank space where his face would have been.
'Sit down.'
We sit on the sofa. He stands before us, by the fireplace, the gun at his hip, pointing at us. I can hear Emma's breathing, shaky. I can hear my heart pounding. The waiting seems to last forever.
And then he says, slowly,
'Kiss her.'
Emma's breath catches. Her whole body stiffens. 'What?'
'Kiss her. I'm not going to ask again.'
He raises the gun a little. I look at Emma, both of us with panic in our eyes. I shake my head slightly as if to say, "I don't know what to do." She's frozen. In the end I whispered to her, 'It's ok.' I move closer, and kiss her gently on the cheek.
'Do it properly,' says the voice.
Again I look at her, try to convey some sort of reassurance. I say, 'Ok?'
She breaths deeply, her face tightened, and she quickly nods.
I move closer again, and kiss her softly on the lips, lingering slightly.
'More.'
And we're kissing. Softly, our breath shivering out of us.
'Tongues.'
And we do. We're kissing deeply, our tongues wrapping around each other. I can still taste the tea she'd been drinking. Her mouth is warm. It's not passion, but it feels good. I guess it feels like something to focus on other than the gun. We pull apart.
'Now take your tops off.'
'Wait a minute,' I say. 'You don't need to do this. You could just go and this would all be over.'
'Take your tops off. Both of you. Now.'
And we do. I lift my t-shirt off quickly, almost defiantly. Emma is slower to take her hoodie off, and sits holding her upper arms, covering her naked breasts. I'd fantasised about seeing her naked for ages but right now I'm just angry at this bastard for making her feel so scared and ashamed.
'Show them to him.'
'Fucking stop this,' I shout, and before I knew what was happening he's taken two strides towards me and hit me on the side of the head with the butt of the gun. The pain shoots through my skull like a firework; ringing in my ears; stars in my peripheral vision. I close my eyes and grimace, willing the pain to subside, and I become aware of him saying, calmly, 'Shut up... and do what I tell you to do.'
I can feel Emma's hand on my leg. I open my eyes and she's looking at me, crying, a pleading look on her face. 'It's ok,' she says - to him but looking at me, 'I'll do it.'