Alright, be cool, Sammy boy, be cool. You've spent years training for this kind of thing, you can do it. I realized I hadn't even moved since I'd opened my eyes, so with an arch to my back I stood up, ignoring my protesting joints. I moved slowly, hands out in front of me to signify I meant no harm as I approached her, blue eyes following my every movement warily. I carefully sat down next to her. She didn't move but I could see her shoulders tense, that fight or flight animal response glimmering in her eyes. I didn't say anything. As gently as I could I wrapped my arms around her, and hugged her tenderly. She tried to push me away at first before collapsing against my chest and she began to sob hard; huge wracking sobs that caused her whole body to tremble. God she seemed so small in that moment, her slim form completely enveloped in my arms. I knew she had carried the burden of what had happened to her for so long, and that she'd had to keep strong for herself for so long, that finally sharing her most shameful moments with another was cathartic beyond a doubt, but even more so it was unimaginably traumatic.
So I held her like that for half an hour, an hour? I couldn't tell you how long, I held her until tears tapered off and the shivering stopped. She began to sniffle and she pushed back from me a little, trying to regain her composure. She was dabbing at her eyes and I handed her a tissue.
"How about this," I touched her cheek fondly, holding her gaze with my own "I make us a pot of tea, would you like that?"
She sniffled and nodded. I gave her forehead a kiss and retired to the kitchen. I went with Earl Grey, brewing it up in the kettle and pouring two steaming mugs worth. I added a dab of honey to each and a little of the "seasoning" extra for her cup that would help ease her troubled mind. "It's snowing," I heard her say with soft wonder. I looked back and I could see her eyes focused on the bay window and sure enough, gentle flakes were coating the tree branches and window sill. It had been sunny and warm when she'd arrived that day.
"Kinda magical, eh?" I said returning to the living room handing her a cup, and sitting back down next to her.
"Is it alright if I stay a little bit longer? Do you have anywhere you have to be? I'm just..."
"Of course, Alexis," I said soothingly. I completely understood. She didn't want to be alone at that moment. She'd spent the last year alone, tortured by those inner demons that now were free. "You can even spend the night if you like."
"No, I don't mean that" she said, studying my gaze. "I just can't leave right away after all that. I need to decompress, or something...I just need a few moments."
"By all means. How's the tea?"
"It's good," she smiled faintly. "A little sweet but good." And then she was silent and I was silent, and it was kind of nice. One of those comfortable gaps in a conversation. The snow seemed to muffle everything, like they were living in a world without sound. She had her mug cupped between her two hands sipping gingerly, her eyes focused on nothing in particular straight ahead.
After some time, I touched her arm "Alexis, what else happened?"
"What..?" She turned to me, regaining focus from her reverie.
"I know there's more that you haven't told me yet. I think it is best just to get it all
out there. We can start the healing process once it's all on the table, but while you keep it to yourself, it continues to poison you."
She closed her eyes and I could see the pain there, and then when she opened them, there was a glimmer in those blue pools, a pleading glimmer. "I can't tell you the rest. I can't..."
"I can re-hypnotize you. You won't even realize what it is being said, until afterward."
"No, no..." she shook her head firmly once, her voice barely above a whisper "It doesn't work."
"But..."
"I was faking," she turned from me, unable to maintain my steady gaze. "I needed to tell someone. I felt like I was going insane. The memories kept hammering at me and hammering...and you were so nice to me," her eyes were beautiful when they returned to my own, so desperate to make me understand. "I wanted to tell you. I so...wanted... to tell you, but I just couldn't. I was too humiliated. It was too embarrassing to just come out and say it. When you mentioned hypnotizing me, it gave me a pretense with which I could feel comfortable telling you."
"Ok..." I nodded slowly, taking all this in. I let loose a deep sigh "But how is this last thing any different?"
Her eyes were searching my face, as if deciding whether she should even explain this. "It's worse," she whispered.
Worse? How could it possibly be worse? This girl had been sexually molested by her doctor and brutally raped by a boy she liked. What could be worse than that? "Alexis, I don't understand."
She grabbed one of my hands with both of her smaller ones. She looked at me directly, pausing for emphasis before she spoke. I could see she was blushing some.
"Please Sam. You have to understand. It's unspeakably humiliating..." She looked away again.
"That's why it's so important that you tell me what happened." I gave one of her hands a firm squeeze and tried to catch her eyes. "You know you can trust me, Alexis."
Her lips quivered, she looked down, and when she looked up, tears were streaming down her cheeks "I didn't deserve what happened. I didn't ask for it."
"I know, Alexis, I know. You know you can trust me. Tell me what happened," I said softly, touching her cheek fondly and then more firm: "Tell me."
