He said nothing. With sure steps he crossed over to the trunk where his clothes were kept, his movements forceful as he jerked it open and pulled out a clean shirt, or at least one that was not covered in blood and knife holes. She watched as he quickly redressed, the grimace that he made told her that he really shouldn't go back out. Instead he should take it easy -- after all, he had been knifed in his back along with his hand being injured, yet he didn't seem to want to hear anything else that she had to say.
"Jake, you shouldn't ..." was all that she got out before he cut her off, his voice terse.
"There's too much left to do. We reach Wexling at dusk tomorrow. Now is not the time to appear weak. McCandle will be waiting, watching us arrive and I'll be damned if I let him have the Grey Lady!" There was anger in the words that he spoke, his actions sharp and his tone bitter and she wondered if it was aimed at McCandle or her. Or maybe both of them.
And then he was gone, slamming the door of the cabin behind him. The atmosphere in the room suddenly seemed cool. She didn't feel like going topside, or even seeing anyone. All she really wanted was to fall off the edge of the earth.
There was a soft knock on the door. Recognizing the rapping, she knew who it would be and the young face that greeted her answering of the door was not surprising.
"Cap't Jake sed that 'e 'as werk ta dew ta git reddy fer Wexling. 'e told me ta bring fud fer jest yew." Toby had a wide grin for her but she shook her head.
"I'm not really hungry tonight, Toby. Don't worry about me. You just go eat whenever you want." She tried to smile at the youngster but she suspected that hers was just as phony as was Jake's smile to her minutes earlier. Slowly the grin faded from Toby's boyish face and he hesitantly nodded and wished her a good night before leaving to head to the galley. As she closed the door, there was a big lump in her stomach, and she knew that it wasn't the baby. It was all her fears and doubts balled up and heavy inside her like a lead weight. After all, she was not really showing. At least not that much so at the moment, only she and Jake knew about her secret. There may be those of the crew that suspected such, but none knew for certain. She rested her hand on her belly, feeling the almost imperceptible swell where the new life grew.
Needing something to do, she spent some time straightening up the cabin and organizing things. The contents of the first aid kit were still on the floor from where she had strewn things around in an effort to patch Jake up. She stowed everything back where it belonged in the kit, meticulously rolling the bandages and such, until she finally got it in order and returned the case back to its rightful place in the trunk. Next was quickly putting the sewing kit back together, and things like that. Of course, there was nothing of hers that really needed to be packed for Wexling since she had nothing other than the clothes that she wore.
Still she was determined to remain busy in an attempt to keep her mind off of things. Of course, it didn't work. Periodically her vision would blur with tears and she would angrily wipe them away, hoping to wipe away the memory of the unhappy look on Jake's face. That didn't work too well. Instead it haunted her. Despite his reassurances that she belonged to him and not to worry, worry she did.
The faint coppery taste of blood still filled the air of the room reminding her of what had just happened. She had killed someone, though it was all to save Jake. Still, she had to get away from all of this. What with the fight with DuFey and now Carter, this was not the kind of place to be raising baby. A child should be raised in a real home, not aboard a pirate ship where men would just as soon slit your throat as say good morning.
The enormity of everything finally caught up with her and she slowly crumpled to the floor as the tears began to flow. Why? Her shoulders shook as she cried and fought to keep her grief silent. The last thing that she wanted was someone checking in on her. For once she was glad to be alone.
Finally cried out, she gathered herself together and headed to bed. Usually Jake undressed her but this evening she was all alone. She certainly couldn't turn to Toby to unbutton her. She just felt defeated. Though the dress was not really made for sleeping in, she did not have much choice. Carefully she climbed into the bunk and sighed, settling down for the night.
The bed seemed cold and lonely without him. Turning her back to the door, she curled up over to her side of the bunk and left room should Jake decide to come to bed. She closed her eyes and willed sleep to come. Slumber seemed elusive. Perhaps she had told him her news too soon. Should she have waited until they reached his house on Wexling? That was a useless question; it did no good to ponder such things. After all, one could not unring a bell.
Eventually, the day's events wore her out and she drifted off to sleep with dreams that seemed to haunt her. Her nocturnal visitor no longer appeared playful but instead gazed on her with sad eyes. No dancing and prancing as usual, instead he stood leaning against the railing, shaking his head at the turn of events as his once gay plumes drooped from his tricorn hat. Asleep she didn't see the door of the cabin open as her real-life pirate checked in on her. It was only a second and then he was gone, leaving her once again alone.
At one point she awoke in the middle of the night, and found herself still unaccompanied and in a cold bed, undisturbed, Samantha looked around the cabin as The Grey Lady swiftly raced to Wexling and her future. Overhead the lantern swung in time to the pitch of the ship. Nothing had really changed.
If only she could remember her past, perhaps even find a way back to Rabel. Then what? An unmarried woman expecting a baby? No one would have anything to do with her, especially if they found out that she had spent the missing time on a pirate ship and that the father of her child was the pirate captain. She had to face facts. No one would really want her -- not her missing family (if she even had one) nor apparently now Jake.
Her eyes, gritty and red, felt as if they were filled with sand and a quick splash of tepid water from the basin didn't seem to help. Overhead was the faint sound of men working. Jake was up there with them, avoiding her. Maybe trying to figure out a way to dump her and...
Sighing she returned to the bed and once again tried to sleep. It was a fitful attempt and she finally gave up and watched the streaky dawn that appeared through the porthole.
*****
Wexling! The Underbelly of Pirate Life. This was a moniker that any true pirate would be proud of.
Hundreds of years from now most people would forget that it had ever existed, becoming a footnote in the annals of pirate history. A rumor of bygone times like that of El Dorado, or Atlantis, or the Fountain of Youth. Places that could no longer be found and so they must have never really existed. Places merely whispered on the lips of others. Stories passed down, told around campfires, tales traded over the odd pint, embellished until the facts were stretched and twisted and began to lose all credence of truth. Until eventually it would be dropped, branded as merely a fanciful story told by drunken sailors and hopeful treasure seekers.
Yet in the setting sun, on the horizon was the smudge that proclaimed itself Wexling. In the dusk the port almost looked like a dark jewel, the sky vibrant orange and yellow and red. Dark blues and purples chased the sun from overhead towards the western horizon.