Becca's eyes opened. Darkness had enveloped the room. For a moment she lay confused, disoriented. Ben slept quietly against her, legs entwined, their bodies warm beneath the sheets. Her eyes widened and her heart beat faster as she realized where she was, who she was with; she could feel the softness of his parts pressed against her behind. Distractedly, she turned her head toward the foot of the bed, where a black silhouette eerily stood.
She gasped in a terror.
"Please don't wake him yet," the governess said softly. "We don't want to startle him."
"
Mistress!
" she whispered hoarsely, sliding away from Ben, taking the duvet with her. "This isn't...we didn't...I didn't--"
"Hush," she replied. "I know."
"You, you know?" she stuttered in panic. "What do you know?"
"That you're innocent, my dear. Now, your sister on the other hand..."
Sarika
, she thought.
"Do you really believe there is anything that happens in this household of which I am unaware?" she asked, as if reading her mind.
"I, I suppose not, mistress."
The silhouette went as still and silent as stone, her presence felt more than seen in the dimness of the room.
"Do you remember me from London?" the governess asked quietly.
"Er, no, mistress."
"I remember you. And your sister. You were both very young when I left England with the Hawthornes, these Hawthornes. The three of you used to play together, you know. Did you realize I've been working with Ben since he was only six?"
"I-I think so, yes," Becca responded, tightening the duvet around herself.
"He didn't speak then," the governess continued softly, as though speaking more to herself than to Becca. "And he suffered frightful episodes. They hired me, fresh out of training. I was no older than you are now, and they handed me their damaged boy and told me to raise him into a proper man. His father is a sterner man than your own, I should say. Unyielding."
Becca swallowed, unsure of what to say.
"Despite our progress, the older Ben grew, the more unsuitable he seemed to them," the governess continued bitterly. "I suspect they even blame me. The mother won't speak with me anymore. She scarcely speaks to him."
"Oh," Becca murmured sympathetically, though she wasn't certain why.
"Forgive my familiarity," the governess apologized. "I've had some whiskey."
Becca didn't reply.
"Now they want him to return to London. But he isn't ready. You've seen him: some say he's cursed. Others think he's gifted. It complicates things -- he's not quite one thing or another."
She sighed. "I've tried every treatment imaginable: cold baths at dawn, electric stimulation to the spine, blistering salves, isolation, prayer. I even consulted one of the local
vaidyas
who smeared ash upon his temples and called it healing. Nothing touched it. Nothing changed him." Her voice grew quieter. "Will these enemas make a difference? Who knows. I doubt it. I hope so."
"What about..." Becca hesitated, unsure how to phrase it delicately. "The manual relief?"
The governess laughed unexpectedly, almost amused. "Oh, that? I invented it."
Becca stared, confused and more than a little shocked.
"I simply... wanted to," the governess admitted sheepishly. "He really is so adorable, in his helpless way." She paused thoughtfully. "And I wanted you to witness it."
"Me?" Becca asked quietly. "Why?"
She seemed to consider this. "Two reasons, I suppose. The first? I wanted to... break him," she answered gently, as though confessing. "I realize how that sounds. But he needed to be softened in front of girls his own age. Vulnerability suits him. It was perfect, really." Becca said nothing, only breathing through her mouth.
"The second -- he's calmer with you than I've ever seen him. There's a gentleness between you. Something trusting." She paused again. "If he's ever to become a man, he must come to know women. He must feel what it is to be held, touched, loved. I had thought Sarika could be the one. A mad idea, I know... yet I somehow thought it could work."
She let that sit for a moment. "And then you arrived. I've watched you these last weeks. You are good with him, good for him. You see him, as not many do." Becca blushed. "I thought: a cousin! It is better, in every way. More natural. Fewer complications."
Becca's brow furrowed. "I don't understand."
"Do you want to help him?" she asked, her voice tranquil, almost curious.
Becca blinked. "I," Her throat caught. "I care for him. Of course I do."
The governess tilted her head, her silhouette still. "Sarika has been with men. Willingly. I suspect Ursula has too -- though she hides it behind her doe eyes."
Another pause.
"You, though..."
Becca tensed.
"Tell me, Becca. Are you still untouched?"
She declined to respond.
The governess gave a faint nod, not unkind, but final.
"I thought so." Becca's eyes had adjusted enough to make out a smile on the governess's face.
"Why are you asking me these things?" Becca whispered.
Becca heard her footsteps on the floorboards, her silhouette growing closer.
"I want you to care for him," the silhouette said. "Tonight."
She heard a match strike. The flame illuminated the governess's face as she lit the lamp, turning the wick low. Her hair was now loosened, coiled in a twist over one shoulder. She was wearing a navy blue robe, which had come undone at the waist. It hung from her shoulders, exposing the cleavage of her still-firm breasts, her soft belly, the broad shape of her legs, and her black bush. Becca was unsure if she should say something, so she said nothing.
"Ben? Ben darling," she spoke. "Wake."
Becca felt his body as he was rocked lightly, back and forth. She stayed still, half-buried beneath the duvet.
"Miss Eleanor?" Ben drowsily spoke, before seeming to realize the full predicament. The governess sat on the side of the bed next to him, facing forward, stroking his forehead.
"Ben," she said. "Do you love Becca?"
Becca opened her mouth to protest, then remained silent.
The governess repeated: "Ben?"
Ben looked at his cousin. "Yes."
Becca felt something give way inside her.
"Good...that's very good," she smiled tersely, petting his arm. "You seem comfortable with her."
He nodded. She turned to Becca more directly. "And you, you want to help your cousin, don't you? To become a man?"
Becca was struck dumb. The governess's piercing look demanding nothing less than a
yes
, and at last Becca gave it. The governess offered a single nod and turned her attention back to Ben.
"Splendid," she said, smoothing the sheet where it draped over his leg. "It's settled then. Let's seal it with a kiss."
The two adolescents lay quiet and motionless.
"Come on, then," the governess urged, nudging Ben toward his cousin. "It is the man's role to initiate the kiss."
Ben looked over at Becca. She felt dizzy and weak. Her mouth began to quiver. Tears filled her eyes.
"You see?" the governess said, her fingers drifting lightly over his thigh. "Becca is as new to all this as you are. That is why you must be gentle with one another."