Becca's eyes opened. Darkness had enveloped the room. For a moment she lay confused, disoriented. Ben slept quietly against her, legs entwined, their bodies warm beneath the sheets. Her eyes widened and her heart beat faster as she realized where she was, who she was with; she could feel the softness of his parts pressed against her behind. Distractedly, she turned her head toward the foot of the bed, where a black silhouette eerily stood.
She gasped in a terror.
"Please don't wake him yet," the governess said softly. "We don't want to startle him."
"
Mistress!
" she whispered hoarsely, sliding away from Ben, taking the duvet with her. "This isn't...we didn't...I didn't--"
"Hush," she replied. "I know."
"You, you know?" she stuttered in panic. "What do you know?"
"That you're innocent, my dear. Now, your sister on the other hand..."
Sarika
, she thought.
"Do you really believe there is anything that happens in this household of which I am unaware?" she asked, as if reading her mind.
"I, I suppose not, mistress."
The silhouette went as still and silent as stone, her presence felt more than seen in the dimness of the room.
"Do you remember me from London?" the governess asked quietly.
"Er, no, mistress."
"I remember you. And your sister. You were both very young when I left England with the Hawthornes, these Hawthornes. The three of you used to play together, you know. Did you realize I've been working with Ben since he was only six?"
"I-I think so, yes," Becca responded, tightening the duvet around herself.
"He didn't speak then," the governess continued softly, as though speaking more to herself than to Becca. "And he suffered frightful episodes. They hired me, fresh out of training. I was no older than you are now, and they handed me their damaged boy and told me to raise him into a proper man. His father is a sterner man than your own, I should say. Unyielding."
Becca swallowed, unsure of what to say.
"Despite our progress, the older Ben grew, the more unsuitable he seemed to them," the governess continued bitterly. "I suspect they even blame me. The mother won't speak with me anymore. She scarcely speaks to him."
"Oh," Becca murmured sympathetically, though she wasn't certain why.
"Forgive my familiarity," the governess apologized. "I've had some whiskey."
Becca didn't reply.
"Now they want him to return to London. But he isn't ready. You've seen him: some say he's cursed. Others think he's gifted. It complicates things -- he's not quite one thing or another."
She sighed. "I've tried every treatment imaginable: cold baths at dawn, electric stimulation to the spine, blistering salves, isolation, prayer. I even consulted one of the local
vaidyas
who smeared ash upon his temples and called it healing. Nothing touched it. Nothing changed him." Her voice grew quieter. "Will these enemas make a difference? Who knows. I doubt it. I hope so."
"What about..." Becca hesitated, unsure how to phrase it delicately. "The manual relief?"
The governess laughed unexpectedly, almost amused. "Oh, that? I invented it."
Becca stared, confused and more than a little shocked.
"I simply... wanted to," the governess admitted sheepishly. "He really is so adorable, in his helpless way." She paused thoughtfully. "And I wanted you to witness it."
"Me?" Becca asked quietly. "Why?"
She seemed to consider this. "Two reasons, I suppose. The first? I wanted to... break him," she answered gently, as though confessing. "I realize how that sounds. But he needed to be softened in front of girls his own age. Vulnerability suits him. It was perfect, really." Becca said nothing, only breathing through her mouth.
"The second -- he's calmer with you than I've ever seen him. There's a gentleness between you. Something trusting." She paused again. "If he's ever to become a man, he must come to know women. He must feel what it is to be held, touched, loved. I had thought Sarika could be the one. A mad idea, I know... yet I somehow thought it could work."
She let that sit for a moment. "And then you arrived. I've watched you these last weeks. You are good with him, good for him. You see him, as not many do." Becca blushed. "I thought: a cousin! It is better, in every way. More natural. Fewer complications."
Becca's brow furrowed. "I don't understand."
"Do you want to help him?" she asked, her voice tranquil, almost curious.
Becca blinked. "I," Her throat caught. "I care for him. Of course I do."
The governess tilted her head, her silhouette still. "Sarika has been with men. Willingly. I suspect Ursula has too -- though she hides it behind her doe eyes."
Another pause.
"You, though..."
Becca tensed.
"Tell me, Becca. Are you still untouched?"
She declined to respond.
The governess gave a faint nod, not unkind, but final.