When I was eighteen, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. We'd been going out for about four months and he just kept pressuring me for sex. Between not wanting to be a virgin anymore and wanting my boyfriend to stop begging for sex, I gave up my cherry.
Now, contrary to what you see at the movies and on T.V., losing your virginity is not pleasant! It hurts like hell! Anyway, after I gave up my cherry, all he wanted to do was fuck. This is how the sex was for the next month. I would give him head and he would fuck my pussy. That's it! He never gave me oral sex because he thought it was gross. Yet, he would ask me to swallow his cum when he came. I never did. He also asked if he could fuck me in the ass. Again, I never let him. Then he would try to fuck me without a condom on. Which I never let happen.
After another month of this crap I broke up with him. He had the sexual passion of a door knob. I never came once with him.
The next boyfriend I had was when I was nineteen. He was completely different from my first boyfriend. He was very sweet and treated me like a queen. He was older, about twenty-five and in college. But when it came to sex he was all romantic and gentle. Which was nice at first. Plus, he would eat me out. But again, something was missing. I never came with him either. The only time I ever got close to orgasms with him was when he would eat my pussy. Having sex with him was nice but with him everything had to be perfect and special. Everything had to be a certain way - candles, flowers and soft music.
Most girls would love that stuff and I did too, at first. But after the eighth month of nice romantic sex I broke up with him. I wanted something more. Something he couldn't give me. When I fell asleep when he was "making love to me" I knew it was over.
Once I finished my freshmen year in college and the summer began is when my sex life changed for the better. It was the middle of June and I was in my bedroom watching late night crap on cable. I was scanning the channels when I came across a woman in a red two piece swim suit, sunbathing in a canoe on a river. I put the remote down and watched the movie. Two men in a motor boat began to harass her then tied a rope to her canoe and pulled her down the river. Once they got her away from where she was staying, they pulled her canoe to shore. She jumped out of her canoe and ran from the men.
The two men caught her with the help of two more men that were waiting for her in the woods. They surrounded her then one man tore off her top. Her soft breasts fell out. She tried to fight but was pushed to the ground.
My heart was racing and my pussy was so wet from watching what was happening to this woman. I hiked up my nightshirt and spread my legs wide open. I slid my hand into my damp panties. The woman in the movie was held down and her legs were spread wide open for the men to rape her. I began to stroke my clit. I couldn't believe how turned on I was by this movie. One of the men began to rape her and I thrust my finger deep into my wet hole and let out a moan.
I was imagining myself being taken by them. I felt like I was in heat. 'How can I like this?' I thought to myself. 'This is sick, isn't it? This is wrong.'
But I didn't care. I kept ramming my finger into my pussy, matching the man's thrusts in the movie. When he came in her, I had my first orgasm. It felt so good. I lost all control over my body, shaking from head to toe.
After my orgasm passed, I laid on my bed, exhausted and covered in sweat. I ended up watching the whole movie. I masturbated two more times before the movie ended.
If you want to know more about the movie, rent I Spit On Your Grave.
After the movie, I turned off the television and just laid on my bed. I smiled and thought, 'I want more.'
The next day, I awoke early and headed to the Adult Toy Store. I had heard they rented all kinds of porn so I thought that that would be the place to rent rape movies.
I walked in and went into the movie room. They had everything from what I could see. I saw all kinds of categories. Between you and me, I had never seen a porn movie in my life. I had had no idea there were so many different ways people got turned on.
I had gotten to a section called Fisting, when I decided to ask for help. I took two steps then stopped. I couldn't do it. I felt dirty for wanting a rape movie. There I was in the world of dirty and I was afraid to ask for what I wanted. Of course, rape was a crime and as far as I knew none of the other categories were against the law. But movies weren't real, so they were okay, right?
I stood there trying to convince myself that it was okay to ask for help from the girl up front. I chickened out, I couldn't do it. I went back to looking by myself.
I finally found it. I didn't understand why it was called BDSM but I didn't care. From what I read and saw on the back of the boxes, it was exactly what I wanted. I grabbed three movies and went up front.
The girl looked at me kind of strange and I felt a little embarrassed but I wanted to see the movies so I endured her odd looks.
Once I got home, I ran upstairs and got completely naked. I put in the first movie, laid back on my bed, and spread my legs. Two men broke into a woman's house and took her into her bedroom. They stripped her down and tied her to the bed. Then they left her there. For the next five minutes I got to watch the woman struggle to get free.
The following five minutes were close up shots of her hand and feet trying to break free from their restraints. Then the men returned and I thought, 'Oh, boy, she's going to get it now!'
The men removed her from the bed and tied her to a chair. The men threatened her a few times and then left the room. Again, for the next ten minutes I got to watch her struggle to get free with close ups of her hands and feet where they were bound.
To my dismay, the whole movie was more of the same. There was no sex in it at all. I think the worst thing to happen to the woman in the whole movie was that maybe she got a rope burn.
I went on to the next movie. This one looked like the man was going to get really rough with two women. I was very excited at first, until I reached nearly the middle of the movie and I realized that, once again, there was no sex. All the guy did in the movie was chain or tie the women up and hurt them. That was it! No sex at all!
Now I stared at the last DVD box. I put it in the DVD player and watched it. It was just the same as the first movie I had watched.
When the end credits played, I screamed, "Are you fucking kidding me?!"
I was frustrated and pissed off. I put on my clothes and took back the movies.
I asked the girl at the counter if the movies I had rented were rated R.
She laughed and said, "No, why?"
I replied, "Because there was no sex in them! Not one of them!"
She looked at the movies and said, "Well, there wouldn't be any sex in the BDSM movies." I gave her a blank stare and she said, "In these movies it's all about giving or receiving pain and being restrained."