Chapter 01: Starring Artie & Her Scary Happenings
The world was changing constantly. Ever since there was that report of a flying giant diamond surrounded by electricity, people had been acting really weird. Ghosts were rising everywhere. Alien abductions & angel sightings had tripled; not only the Catholic Church, but Presbyterians, Unitarian Universalists, Jews & Muslims were fighting to save people possessed by demons. The very earth was scary-shaky, almost like it was alive.
My brother decided we needed to gather together & buy a house in a good location, just in case. After all, the world grid could crash in all the insanity. So he called everyone; siblings, parents, Grandma Wendy & Grandpa Russ, mom's sisters, dad's brothers, the cousins & their families...I think he rounded up like 20 households.
And then he found a house. The 80 acres of land made great-grandpa Livyan happy. The fact there was a river, lake, streams, farm ground & windmills made my would-be farmer dad go over the moon. So, while I was busy gadding about the city taking pictures, as Grandma Jeanette always said, the family mobilized, visited the place, agreed they liked it, & bought it.
*
That evening, I came back to my apartment from a great date, & groaned to see a lanky man sitting by my door. Scruffy face, tangly blond hair, SG-U t-shirt, cargo pants & sandals, thumbs dancing on BlackBerry screen at full speed. Time to face my brother Mercury about the house.
"No sale; I'm staying here," I growled, reaching to unlock the door.
He stopped me & held my hand. "Can't. Your stuff's at the new house. Packed carefully," he said at my angry oath. "It's time. Can't you see it? Ten bath-salt zombies in a week, just in this city; last one filmed live & on all the channels. Remember the screaming & those endless tearing noises? Aliens taking the freakin' president out of the White House, in full view? Where is he? No-one knows! What has to happen before you wise up & join the family?"
I gave him the Look he so hates; half-scorn & half-weariness. "Bad things are happening all over the world, and I am a journalist & photographer. I can't hide. My ass out there in the trenches is what lets you guys better prepare. Someone's got to document this mess."
"Yeah, well, the someone is Turk, not you. He took a cut on your pay & your apartment."
"Turk? You absolute asshole! Great. By now he's texted & tweeted the whole newspaper to out me as a real psychic. In this crazy world, it means I'll be ass deep in mourners wanting the word from grandpa, auntie, lost children, the random serial killer down the block. Fuck! And the zombies. And the aliens, the angels, the ghosts..."
I sagged against the wall.
"Fine. Let's jet."
My former door opened, & Turk lunged out, a bimbo on one arm. "Hey, it's Artie the psychic! Guess what Kellie is thinking right now?"
Okay, so I can be a bitch. I looked, saw & said, "She thinks you are as stupid as an ant, but she hopes you like chicks with dicks so she can fuck you & rob you in your sleep."
"What??" Staring at Kellie, he saw her Adam's apple & bemused smile. He came screaming at me. "You stay with me, smart mouth cow. I will have that year you promised! And more."
Mercury stretched out a lazy hand & hit him with five tiny electricity bolts. As Turk fell, we split, whooping all the way downstairs & to his SUV.
*
"See, I told you we needed to circle the wagons," he said once we were gunning out of town.
Goodbye, beaches. Goodbye art deco apartment I'd rehabbed with my work buds & sources. Goodbye to all my friends & ex-lovers. Goodbye, Suzanne, pretty little Dutch-American flight attendant studying to be a pilot...
Great, now I was in a foul mood, & it was his fault. "Yeah yeah," I grumbled. When he looked away, grinning, I whacked him upside the head. "That's for gloating. And, by the way, how's your gremlin problem?"
His cell phone began playing "We Are the Champions" with teeny-tiny voiced singers. Ha! Just as bad as ever. "God damn it, Artie, that was so not cool!"
He tossed it over to me.
"You made them take it over; you keep it overnight so they forget it's mine." A tiny razz interrupted the music. "Gah! Baby it. Don't let it break. The buggers'll get bored of waiting for me to take it back & come to tank my alarm top or something else."
Snickering, I tucked the phone in my pocket & leaned back to get some zzzs.