Repercussions and New Pressures
When the plane landed, I knew I had been fucked during the trip in more ways than one. I deliberately set out to find Ferguson my first day back in the office to ask who had seen me in the lottery. He sort of smiled and said, "Oh, a number of people you know, a number of people I know, and a lot of people that neither of us know." I lost my temper and said, "OK, asshole, who of the people I know." Ferguson named four other firm partners (two of whom, Ms. Gentile and Ms. Hochwasser, are women) and then Leslie, and Chiara as having watched with him at Mann's condo. Ferguson knew that Jacobs had seen it with his father. "But don't worry, Laurel, they are all sworn to secrecy and the material the BLC and I have on each of them really assures that they will not be able to spread the word of your little display. Also, anyone who thought of disclosing Bolrian secrets would have to look over his shoulder for the rest of his short life until the Bolrian security police got to him. They reportedly are not afraid to travel around the world in the service of their country."
I tried to work as I had before. The people who had seen me were fairly discrete. Leslie seemed to trust out her breasts mockingly when I gave her an assignment she did not like. Chiara gave me a slightly funny look when she first saw me afterword but maybe I was just imagining that. The firm partners who had watched with Ferguson treated the matter like they treat client confidences. Maybe Ms. Gentile cracked a slight smile when I suggested that we keep certain client secrets more confidential as one could never know who was watching. Ms. Hochwasser worked in another department. Mann kept Jacobs away from me for a few weeks by sending him on a trip to London to work with one of our British clients.
The biggest problem was in my head. I felt like the world had seen me nude and presenting myself for sexual servitude. Even worse, I felt like I had really wanted to be a sex slave for at least a few minutes. Sometimes, I felt like, since I had displayed myself as willing to become a permanent sex object, I might as well offer to entertain the hundred or so firm members and staff at the next firm holiday party.
I got my work done but I also found a time to see a therapist. I did not tell the therapist about the Lottery, of course, but did say that I had done something really out there sexually and was plagued with feelings of sexual tension and a bizarre desire to go further. She suggested I had been too repressed before and "with the cat out of the bag," I was overcompensating. She suggested I take up dancing or tennis or something else that would allow me to be more physical but did not threaten to ruin my career. I started going to a health club and working off some tension that way.
About three weeks after the trip, Crystal called and said that she, Paula and Kat were going to participate in a lottery in a couple weeks and did I want to go. I said that I had to work and I'd had enough the first time. Crystal said that I was kidding myself and she'd call again the next time they went. "Presumptuous little bitch," I thought.
Meanwhile, the merger and acquisition business was going downhill as part of the general economic downturn. Chiara was laid off along with a number of young lawyers in our department. I was called into a meeting with a number of senior partners. I was informed that unless I could come up with some more business, I should start looking for another position. It did not help that the value of my condo and my 401K had crashed with the economy.
I think many people would say that I should have started looking for work in a bankruptcy firm, maybe in New Jersey or Pennsylvania, where there would be less pressure. Maybe I could slow down, marry a nice man and eventually join the PTA. I instead called Walker and asked whether his firm could give us more business. He said that might be possible but he'd have to get back to me. Anderson said the same thing when I called him. Restraining my disgust, I talked to Jacobs, who had become a non-equity partner, and asked if he had any ideas.
I even sent an email to the BLC to ask if they needed any legal assistance. That was pathetic. I am not sure if I was even really trying to get legal business there.
The responses to my marketing efforts were about what you'd expect. Jacobs said when I saw him that if I needed financial help during the period before I found a new job, he might be willing to assist. He said he hoped I'd saved enough for rainy days. He added that he had his own problems as his father's company had lost 30% of its value on the NYSE. His father was under investigation by the SEC. Jacobs also suggested that he and I should form "some sort of partnership" in Connecticut. His focus on my breasts as he said that indicated to me that the proposed partnership would involve more than legal work.
The BLC responded that their needs for legal services in the United States were already being fully met by J. Ferguson and F. Mann of a firm in New York. That figured. The BLC added that it would be pleased to extend offers to me to participate in the Lottery and noted the BLC had sent numerous emails in the past weeks.
Walker said that he could definitely get me legal business if I wanted to move to Seattle or Dallas and do real estate and employment work but that there was nothing more to be done on the east coast. Anderson said that he was already doing as much business as he cared to do with my firm but that, if I wanted to go in house, he could offer me a position in Dallas, Hamburg or Kiev. He also emailed, "Crystal says 'hi' and she'll be calling you tomorrow."
No surprise as to what Crystal called about. She was back in Paris. Kat, Paula and she had had a wonderful trip to Bolry. She and Paula had gotten out in the first round. Kat had gotten out in the bikini round, where she had agreed to start. Crystal also said that a lot of people had inquired about me. Also, the engineer, Lena, said she hoped to see me again.
Crystal mentioned that the BLC had given up the long terms for what the chosen women became because they decided it really did not matter legally. "Slave" sounded better and shorter. There were now "sex slaves" and "pain slaves." Crystal added she was sure the BLC really wanted me to come back and would pay a big bonus if I participated as a potential pain slave. "Seems a lot of guys would like to whip you and take you down hard. Believe it or not, a lot of people think you are a total bitch and they like it. I'm jealous."