The following dark story has themes of non-consent sex, humiliation, abuse and other dark themes. If such content offends you, please do not read. This is an erotic FICTION story not meant as any sort of gender, political or societal protest. This is purely for entertainment and never meant to happen in reality. If you have issues with such kinks, please do not read.
"It perfectly logical," Ali says out loud as she looks at her computer screen, only her tone doesn't show any real confidence in this statement. Her brown eyes look over what she just wrote, where she reads, then re-reads what is there. To make perfectly sure it is what she wants, Ali then reads and re-reads all of it yet again. That's how important this is to her.
Biting her lip, Ali starts to fidget with her hands, which is something she does only when she gets overly anxious or nervous. She then looks around her room as if expecting someone to magically appear to see what she's doing. That's what worries her most about this entire thing, that someone important to her will find out what she's done or what she plans to do. Thankfully it's still early, around nine in the morning and both of her parents have gone on some weekend romantic getaway.
To her credit, Ali has been able to keep this part of herself hidden, just like she's kept all that's happened to her hidden...for the most part. No one, not her parents, her teachers, not even her friends know about what she has done or what has happened to her these past few days. Or to put more accurately, what she got herself into. For all that has happened has been her fault, plain and clear. Something that Ali not just knows but understands.
If those that are close to Ali knew what had happened, Ali doesn't know how they would respond. In her opinion, she doubts most would even believe her. It is so far removed from what she associates with that it seems impossible she would have gotten involved.
If she hadn't experienced all of it herself, Ali probably would believe such acts happening would be an impossibility. Nowhere, not in any of the books she read, movies she has watched nor series she's binged has had anything close to what she has gone through. It serves to make her feel more like the outcast that she has always felt like.
Ali knows the trouble she is in. The trouble she has got herself into. But it's not because she picked up some crazy stalker, or owes someone a great deal of money. To her, what she's got herself into is far worse. It's worse because a stalker or such issues can be easily solved, in her opinion. You call the cops, or buy a gun, or pay back what you owe. Easy.
What makes her situation seem so dire is that despite being so young at eighteen years old, Ali is considered extremely intelligent by everyone she knows. She is expected to get her Master's in just a few years, and that'll be with a 4.0 GPA. More than one professor has stated that they fully expect her to change the world. No one that has met her in her normal life would ever believe she's created a prison for herself that she doesn't know how to get out of.
Ali's prison isn't made of steel or even bone. It's made of emotions and secret thoughts that feel much stronger than the densest steel. There's a darkness inside Ali that has grown stronger and stronger since the fateful beginning, which was only four days ago. It may seem like it has been years, but it's only been four days.
That's the best way she can describe it too, a darkness inside of her. It's pitch black and devours all that gets close, making it impossible to avoid or ignore. Everything she attempts to do to satisfy it only makes it stronger and bigger, scaring her to the point she thinks it'll consume her mind, body and soul. That the darkness will overtake everything, changing her into something that no one will recognize, not even her.
Ali understands that she doesn't have the best social skills. A lot of what people do is just strange to her, as it doesn't make sense. Like "small talk." Ali doesn't get the point of small talk as it makes sense to just say what is needed to be said instead of pretending to care about topics that are unimportant. Why should she ask about a classmate's weekend when she just wants to know the status of their portion of a project? Why pretend to want to know about a potential sex partner when you can be blunt and ask the required questions to make sure you are compatible?
It's this lack of social skills that Ali believes has unleashed the darkness within her. She fully believes that if she had "normal" social skills, none of this would have happened. It's this lack of social skills that led her to finding her friend Vanessa's rapist and asking to experience the same exact treatment. If she had good social skills she would know such acts have no place in civilized society/culture. Or at the very least she could have tried to find a suitable replacement, but she didn't. She went into the deep end and jumped off, leaving her very much like a junkie that needs a fix.
With a deep breath Ali moves the cursor over the "Submit" button. She doesn't click, but she wants to. Instead she stares at the screen, knowing just how far this could take her. That she is inching to the edge of the universe so to speak, where there may be a chance she doesn't return. Ali is smart enough to know that she barely returned the last time she tried to cure herself.
Ali believed the events at the dive bar would cure her, but they didn't. She believed what she experienced was so overwhelming and intense that it would short circuit the dark emotions inside of her. Like pouring into a glass when it's already full, Ali's emotions would be filled and content, leaving no more room for any more of the darkness, allowing her to go back to the way she was. But the bar only made things worse.
The only reason why she is still alive and not still trapped on the side of the bar is because of the "Huge Man." He found her on that stump on the side of the bar still tied up, even after several hours after it started. Saying very little, the Huge Man untied her completely and told her to get home. He made no comment about her being naked or tied up, nor about what had been done to her. He didn't even ask if she was ok, just told her to go home. And that's what Ali did, though she was in a state of shock.
It was after she got home she began wondering who the Huge Man was. She wondered if he was saving her because he was a decent human being, or if it was because he understood saving her would drive her mad as a part of her wishes to still be stuck there.
Ever the logical mind, Ali has a theory about why the events of the bar didn't cure her. It was because she wasn't in charge. As crazy as it sounds to want to be in charge of your own rape, she knows this is the reason. The first experience Ali had with the darkness, which was with Vanessa's rapist, she guided and directed her attacker. Step by step she told him what to do to her because she wanted to experience the exact same as Vanessa. Even though he went off script a few times, ultimately she was telling him what to do.
By directly him, it allowed Ali to remain in control, therefore fulfilling all that she wanted. It gave her exactly what she needed, which was to be out of control while remaining in control. That is why Ali believes the bar didn't cure her. She was completely out of control the entire time, not once being able to direct her rapists to what she wanted.
This theory is what Ali clings to like a drowning person clings to a lifesaver. Knowing how desperate she is, Ali does wonder if this theory is a true theory, or if it is some way to comfort herself. For the darkness has reached a point where she can't even concentrate on anything else. For the first time ever in her life, she's skipped her college classes and hasn't studied. Instead she's here, at home, researching the dark web and trying to make plans to fix herself by getting rid of the darkness.
It makes Ali terrified to know how much this is taking over her life, which makes her want to do damn near anything to get rid of these feelings. The darkness has reached a point where she has living dreams of what's happened to her in the middle of the day, where she discovers her hands moving places they shouldn't. Only this has happened in public settings and not in the privacy of her house or room.
