I don't get why I felt so nervous. He was getting out of class in ten minutes and we were just going to Starbucks to study together, but I still felt like I would faint. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty. Pretty enough to enough to snag a timid, high school boyfriend named Marcus. But lately, I was attracting a little more attention.
Blessed with my mother's genes, my hips, breasts and backside swelled with each passing day of summer. Clothes shopping became a weekly necessity as I outgrew my dresses and shirts. I had just turned 19, and blossoming into a woman had its pro's and con's.
Three weeks into my first semester of community college, I found myself with butterflies in my stomach waiting for him. Not Marcus... Unfortunately for him. He was my next-door neighbor growing up, so dating him was starting to feel more like an obligation than something I wanted. I had stayed in town while he went off to Howard University on the other side of the country. Distance was starting to feel like a chore and I missed him. I hadn't told him that I was going to hang out with James because I knew that he'd get jealous.
He joined the army after high school making him a couple years older than me. Thinking about his golden blonde hair and bright green eyes, his funny stories... The first day of class he had come right up and sat down next to me, introducing himself and shaking my hand with a firmness that made my heart skip a beat.
We became friends, always chatting before and after class. But last week he asked for my number, and I jumped up and down when I got home with excitement. He's a good texter, which is a little weird for a guy but I loved it.
By the time I saw him walking out to the parking lot to meet me, he knew way more than he should have about me. Over the past week we talked about everything, from my crazy family to my relationship with my boyfriend.
So he suggested that we study together and hang out later. Since he knew I was in a relationship, I knew James wouldn't make a move on me. He seemed like a respectable guy so far. But I loved the attention. With Marcus being so distant I wanted to make more friends anyway.
The California sun was hot on my golden-brown skin as I stepped into the sun and toward the curb. Shielding my eyes as I looked to the rows of cars, I spotted him getting in his truck and pulling out of his parking spot. Slinging my backpack off my shoulder, I looked at my phone. Marcus hadn't texted me back in a couple of hours. Whatever. Stashing my phone in my backpack, I looked up and saw my reflection in the black car window.
Maybe I had overdone it for just a study session. Ditching the hoodie and jeans combo that made me famous in the worst way in high school, the white demonstrated the shape of my body. I'm tiny, about 5 feet tall. The black, frizzy curls I'm used to straightened flat with a bright shine, eyebrows shaped and makeup to tone down my teenage acne. My strapless dress showed off my shoulders and cleavage, but I kind of wished I had worn a bra now. I had recently grown into C cups but still had a petite frame.
"Hey Jackie!" James said as he opened his door and walked around the front of his truck. White v-neck shirt, blue jeans, nice shoes, and a confident stroll. A smile lit up his face and he walked toward me, reaching down to pick up my backpack. He wrapped one arm around me in a hug and the cologne wafting up from him made me almost faint again. With one arm he swung my backpack into the bed of his truck, setting it down gently.
Realizing I was staring at him with this stupid look on my face I stammered out a quick hello as he opened my door. The steps to get in the cab of his truck were too high for me to reach and I embarrassingly rocked back to the curb. As I reached up to grab the handle to pull myself up, I felt James' hands wrap around my waist and he lifted me into the cab about as effortlessly as he had my backpack.
"Oooh!" It came out as a squeak before I could stop it. I caught his smile as he closed the door and walked around the side.
Lifting himself into the driver's seat he buckled his seat belt and put the truck in drive. We pulled out of the parking lot and exchanged pleasantries until he asked me to open the glove compartment. I was too busy to notice that we weren't heading for Starbucks, but instead were driving up the hill past row after row of identical suburban houses. Pulling onto another street leading to a construction area, he pointed at a bag in the glove compartment and I handed it to him.
"The city looks really pretty from up here," he said as we pulled to a stop. "Plus figured we could hit this before we head to get coffee."
He pulled out a lighter and three cigarettes before stashing the bag under his seat.
"Shall we?" Damn that smile, he was so charming. We opened our doors and stepped out of the truck. I followed him as we walked to the edge of the hill and he took a seat with a full view of the city.
Ok so, there are a lot of things I hadn't done. Hadn't had sex yet, hadn't tried weed, had only been buzzed a few times drinking. But weed was not one I expected to cross off the list so soon!
I sat next to him as he placed one of the cigarettes in his mouth, bringing the lighter to life with a snap of his fingers. The flame caught the tip and he pulled a deep drag into his lungs. The smoke billowed out of his nose and mouth like a dragon. He extended the joint to me and I stammered a little but took it.
"Haha it's ok you don't have to do it if you don't want to," he said again with a smile.
"James, I'm hardcore. I smoke weed all the time." The cherry of the joint burned brightly as I took a hit, but I coughed it out immediately.
Coughing and coughing, I felt his hand rubbing my back. As I composed myself and wiped the tears out of my eyes I prayed that my makeup was still presentable.
We must have been there for hours talking, laughing, joking. We went through two joints before the sun started to set and the lights of the city came awoke. I was pretty stoned, and James had to take me by the hand to help me on my feet. Feeling so lifted and giggly, James half pulled and I half-fell into his arms as he led me back to his truck.
As we got to the passenger door laughing non-stop, he pulled me even closer by my shoulders. His eyes drifted down my cleavage as he pressed me against his truck door.
"He-he-hey mister," I slurred, drawing out the "r" in mister. I pressed a hand against his chest and pushed him back.
"I am a taken woman!"
"Oh? Not taken enough I bet." That smile again as he moved closer again.
I'd never felt this intensity and tension before. I grew up as religious as any black girl in America, but I didn't take it as seriously as Marcus did. We'd hold hands, made out a bit, but he never took it further than that. He said he wanted to wait for marriage, but in the back of my mind I wonder if he doesn't find me attractive at all. Or if he did, he was way too much of a wuss to admit it.
James on the other hand couldn't keep his eyes and hands off me... It was a total cliche.
The way his eyes held mine was so intimidating, especially because of how stoned I was.
"No, I'm serious! James, you can't you know I have a boyfriend! I'm a virgin!" I was super-hot for him don't get me wrong, but I didn't want to cheat on Marcus.
"Hahaha come on baby, I'm just teasing you," Slipping his hands down to my waist, when he pulled me into him this time it was with a force that made my blood run cold.
I fell into him like a rag doll, and he stepped forward to pin me against the door. Shit shit, the hair on the back of my neck started to rise. A tingle went down my spine as his face leaned into mine.
I couldn't look away as he took the back of my head in his hand. My eyes closed as his did instinctively and his lips pressed against mine. I was too scared to kiss back at first. The mood whiplash was fierce. One moment I felt as comfortable as I ever had with someone, the next I felt powerless and out of control.
He was bigger than me, stronger and taller. The tip of his tongue slipped into my mouth as my hands tried weakly to push him away. Caught between fear and arousal, his hands slid over my legs and around to squeeze my ass. His grab was so strong it pulled me off my feet, body pressing me against the truck.
For the first time I realized that we were alone and no one would hear us even if I wanted to scream.
But the truth is, I didn't want to. I could feel his intensity, his passion. He wanted me. One hand slid up the back of my dress and I felt him grab the hem and slip it up. I kissed him back. Confused and still very high, I wrapped one leg around him and pulled him into me.
