Sometimes you just know you're making a wrong decision, but you go ahead and make it anyway. The trouble was, I was bored and I love camping. It was the post-Christmas rush, work was dead and I was on holidays for a couple of weeks.
My sister, Dianne, and her husband, Carl, were going camping and invited me along. So I agreed.
Now you're probably wondering why this was a wrong decision. It seemed to an opportunity for me to do something I liked at a time when I was bored and had leisure time available.
Carl and Dianne were the problem. I considered Carl to be an asshole, but that was fine where Dianne was concerned, because she was a bitch. They were made for each other. Me, I'm a real people person and I like to be friendly and get to know people. Carl and Dianne could be a real bummer if you're trying to make new friends. Still, I reasoned, we were on holiday. They'd probably relax at the campsite.
We reached the camping grounds and managed to get a couple of sites next to each other. Carl and Dianne pitched their tent on one site and I put up my smaller tent on the second. Carl's assholery was on display before he even finished pitching his tent. There were a number of tables and benches scattered around the camping ground, put there for general use. Carl promptly pitched his tent in such a fashion that the table nearest us became somewhat isolated from the camping ground, effectively reserving it for his exclusive use. This meant that other nearby campers would have to wander further afield to use other tables. One brave soul ventured to suggest that Carl re-pitch his tent slightly further away from the table - didn't he cop a mouthful.
So our holiday commenced. Carl and Dianne were both in fine form, managing to offend anyone with whom they came in contact, and they thoroughly enjoyed doing it. They considered it a game - who can we annoy and which of us can do it fastest?
I would hazard a guess that the person they annoyed most and fastest was myself. I wanted to make friends with the other campers but after a while they tended to avoid me. Probably afraid that Carl and Dianne would rub off onto me and then contaminate them. I started spending considerable time elsewhere, rather than my dearly beloved relatives.
I did get to know Robby quite well. He was the guy who had suggested that Carl move his tent on that first day. He didn't blame me for Carl's behaviour. (Or Dianne's. She was in queen bitch mode all the time.) Still, I didn't get to see him as much as I'd have liked as Carl was always chasing him off if he came past.
Robby, I decided, was just too nice a man to punch Carl out. He was quite a husky guy and if it came to a fight I'm quite sure he'd have flattened Carl. Carl on the other hand was belligerent. He worked on the principle that if you're loud and in someone's face, they'll back off. It seemed to work for him.
It was the last day of our camping trip and quite frankly I was happy to be going home. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy myself but I would have had a far better time without Dianne and the asshole. We were sitting at 'our' table when the fun and games started.
Robby came strolling over, approaching Carl from behind. When he reached us he just raised his hand and pressed something against Carl's neck. There was this funny sound and Carl just seemed to slump forward across the table. Before Dianne or I could say or do anything Robby reached over and pressed the same thing against Dianne. There was that funny sound again and she also slumped over the table.
Robby looked at with a nasty smile, although I don't think the nastiness was meant for me. He had a rather determined look, too. Holding up his hand he showed me this funny little gadget he was holding.
"It's known as a taser," he told me. "Calms down the nastiest person. Please behave yourself and stay seated. I would regret having to use it on you."
You can just bet I stayed seated and polite.
"Ah, what are you doing?" I asked, knowing damn well that he had more in mind than just tasering Dianne and Carl.
"Watch and see," he said calmly.
So I sat and watched and Robby started putting some things on the table. First there was the taser, then a very wicked looking knife which made me feel very uncomfortable. After that he put down a pile of cords, some duct tape and, of all things, a ping pong paddle that he extracted from his back pocket.
"The ropes," he said calmly, "were the cords holding up my tent. Some thoughtful soul cut them all. Know anything about that?"
Fortunately I could deny any knowledge, but I did throw a quick glance at Carl. It was just the sort of asinine stunt that he'd think was funny.
"Good guess," drawled Robby, spotting my quick glance. "He was spotted doing it. I've come to explain to him that I don't like practical jokes unless I'm pulling them."
With that he got to work. Carl and Dianne were like zombies, just moving where he wanted them, both looking somewhat dazed. He got then bent over the table, facing each other and then he tied their wrists together. He also bent down and tied their feet to the legs of the table so they finished up unable to move, bent face down over the table.
That's when the knife came into play. It was wickedly sharp. He didn't use it on Carl and Dianne, but on their clothes. He very efficiently sliced their clothes to pieces, leaving the pair of them totally naked.
Finished tying and stripping them, Robby stepped back to admire his handiwork. I was trying hard not to giggle. Carl would be absolutely furious. Robby gave a little oops sound and stepped back up to the table. A couple of quick slices of the knife and he had two small bits of duct tape that he pressed firmly over Carl and Dianne's mouths.
Apparently putting the duct tape on was enough to start getting the pair of them back into their senses, or maybe it was just time for the taser shock to wear off. Carl started wriggling and grunting and moments later Dianne started up. That's when I found out what the ping pong paddle was for.
Robby picked it up and held it between them where they could see it. Then he stepped back and delivered this magnificent swat on Carl's bare bum, and then did the same to Dianne, 'though not as hard.
