I walked along the street. Everything was so familiar, and yet so different. The houses were all the same, the gardens too. There were more cars, a lot more cars. I stood against a tree, shaded by its branches, and looked at the house opposite. I watched for what seemed a long time, it looked exactly as I remembered, apart from the sign in the garden. There was a poster on it, a photo in its centre. I couldn't see it clearly; I didn't need too. The photo was of me.
Twelve years ago.
"You're not going out in that skirt, it's far too short!"
"Mum, I'm eighteen now, old enough to decide if my skirt is too short, or too tight, don't you think?"
"I suppose you've got a point, now you've got taxi money tucked away, haven't you?"
"Yes Mum, I've a tenner in my bra, and I'll be careful, and no I won't be late."
I kissed her on the cheek, anxious to be out of the door to be with my friends. There were seven of us, all going to Uni that autumn. Now we were all eighteen, as my birthday had been several days before. I could have a legal drink, not that being underage had ever stopped me, or stopped any of us.
The Red Lion was our local, the landlord knew how old we all were, but as long as we behaved, he turned a blind eye. He didn't need to any longer.
"Well if it isn't the birthday girl herself," he said greeting me with a smile. "Usual, is it?"
"Please Joe," I replied, and then watched him pour it.
"There we are, one scotch and lemonade, on the house luv, happy birthday. They're all out the back."
I took my drink out into the garden, and joined the girls, including my bestie, Laura. We'd been friends since our first day at nursery school and hadn't been apart since.
"Well about time, have trouble escaping in that outfit?"
"Only the skirt Laura, that took the heat off my shoes, and ..."
"The makeup, you look great by the way," she said, kissing me on the lips.
"Hey careful, you'll smudge my lippy!"
"Will you two get a room," Rhona squealed.
We chatted, drank our drinks, then drank some more, before heading off to the nearby club for some serious dancing. Halfway through the night some guy who thought he was God's gift brought us all a round of drinks, and asked if he could join us. Buy another round, and absolutely he could. He was witty, funny, and by the way he was flashing the cash, loaded.
"Hey, why don't we go on, a friend of mine is having a bash, lots of free drinks."
"Yes, lets," said Cara.
We hadn't taken a lot of persuading, and soon we were at his mates, a walled villa overlooking the sea. It was out of this world, our world at least. We danced; we drank. We all declined a line of coke, all except Cara, well she would. I'd decided this would be my last drink, it was sweet. My head seemed to swim, totally spaced out, in some dream world, make that nightmare.
Present day.
A car drove onto the driveway, just an ordinary car, I don't know what type. it was silver. A man got out, he looked familiar, slightly stooped, worn down by life. It was as he walked to the back of the house that I recognised him. My Dad. He disappeared inside, and out of my view.
There weren't any children playing, anywhere. In my day the road was always alive with kids on their bikes or playing ball. What was that game we used to play? But it was eerily quiet. Perhaps they were all at school, yes that was it, they were still at school. I took a deep breath, and crossed the road, walked up the front path, then stood at the front door, hesitating.
"For Christ's sake, get a grip," I told myself. I took off my hijab, and then rang the bell.
I could hear footsteps hurrying to answer it. Another moment of my heart being in my mouth, then it was too late, as my Mum opened the door. Her face, a mask, then recognition.
"Em!" She managed to say, before fainting.
I caught her as she fell, stopping her from knocking her head. The noise caused my father to rush into the hall. He stopped in his tracks, and just stood there, obviously in a state of shock.
We sat in the front room, my Mum gripping my arm so hard it hurt, my dad crying, but smiling from ear to ear.
"Where have you been Emma, why didn't you come home?" She asked.
Where to start? I'd rehearsed this very moment in my head so many times.
"I don't know how to ..." I stammered, then cried, sobbing.
"Take your time," Dad said.
"It was..." Then I cried, and couldn't stop, as I let it all out.
Twelve years ago.
I woke up, I knew something was wrong. My head hurt, my skirt was up around my waist, I was topless, but strangely I still had my shoes on. My mouth was disgusting. My bum was sore, I reached down, no knickers, a wet slimy substance around my anus. I brought my finger up, and looked at it, white stuff, and a little blood. I was confused.
"As you were the only virgin amongst us, they fucked your bum," Laura said from close by. "And you really seemed to like it, yes you!"
"It hurts now," I replied.
"I know babe."
"Where are we?" I asked.
"Not sure, they brought us here after the party, well orgy I guess."
It came flooding back then, though it was hazy, being held down, my knickers torn off.
"This one's a virgin!" Someone announced.
"Then make sure she says one, we'll get more money for her, so up her arse only lads!"
They flipped me over, forced my legs apart. A finger I think forced its way where it had no business to be, then something cold and wet. Two fingers? I wasn't sure. Then I felt someone's legs on mine, something big and hard penetrating my bum. The pain, it burnt, and then I screamed.
"Noooo, take it out!" I yelled at the top of my voice.
