I had to start and stop this story several times, because of how hard it has been for me to write. My hands shake and I get tight in the chest when I recall some of these moments from this weekends memory.
It was humid beyond the point of being uncomfortable. Sticky and smelly and uncomfortable. I guess that could be the theme for this weekend.
My friend, Brett, and I went out on Wednesday night and got a little too drunk. We both texted our bosses relatively early in the night to tell them we're not going in tomorrow. We could feel the energy was leading us to a long night out and I didn't want to send a morning text - he'll definitely know I was lying. Besides I've been eyeballing one of the guys my friend was talking and figured it might be lead to some all night fun and I didn't want to rush in the morning and miss out on the possibility of morning sex.
That guy is another story for another time, but this evening was a bit of a surprise. It was my friend Brett, the very guy that I meet out, that surprised me. He was always a nice, polite, shy guy. He made it for up by being loud and compensated by doing funny different things. His stories never really impressed me, so he would become more hyperbolic and more outrageous to demonstrate how carefree he was.
It was cute that Brett was always trying to impress me, but I never felt like he was good enough for me. I kept him around to feel better about myself and let him pump up my ego. I also loved whipping him around and make him run errands for me. It's nice to feel wanted and desired and needed and longed after. He texted and tried to make me laugh and bought me gifts. I always loved meeting him out and then turning down his hopes by going home with another guy. It made me feel powerful. He would shave, iron his shirt, and wear cologne.
I especially loved ditching Brett and pretending to be wrapped up in the moment and too drunk so he would be conflicted: do I step in or do I leave her alone? She'll think I'm desperate and people will think I'm a loser, but what about her safety? He would always pent up his anger.
Any way, Brett was cute and tried to get with me for years. I especially loved pulling him back in when he was about to go on a date. I'd text him complaining about something made up and he'd ditch his date and come running over to comfort me or protect me or talk to me or whatever. This night was different though. He ignored me and said he was in a hot tub. I told him that I needed to go out and get a few drinks with some winky smiley faces. He replied: "see you in 20 mins"
Brett showed up with a few friends and the girl he was supposedly in the hot tub with. I could tell he was trying to impress her. I had power over the situation because I had his attention and I was prettier than her. I belittled her backhandedly all night. I wanted to win, I didn't care if it was at her expense or if it meant hurting Brett. I didn't even want him. I just wanted to feel the confidence of beating her and making him submit.
We danced and I kept asking his date questions about herself and then raising my eyebrows in a not-so-subtle judgement. I'd follow up my "Where do you work?" questions with disregard for her answer by saying: "Oh, It must be satisfying to care more about kids than money."
"Where did you get your dress? Target?"
"Oh! I would never vacation in Ibiza, I heard it's where the people who can't afford Europe go."
I gave her makeup tips in a condescending way and kept asking her to go get us drinks. She had enough, but I didn't so I kept pushing it. Eventually I grabbed Brett by the hand and said: "my drink's almost done..." He obeyed like I figured he would. I smirked and stared her down the whole time. I merely suggested and didn't even have to tell him to get me a drink. She said he had an early morning and left
He was so angry with me that his tone totally changed. Brett didn't verbally admit that he was angry or why but he did show it. After the night raged on we both started to chill and have more fun. Drink after drink poured and eventually I left to go home. On the walk home, we decided to take a spontaneous trip upstate to leave the hot, humid city. I told him that he should pick me up tomorrow and we'll head up after brunch.
I loved these weekends away because he was like a boyfriend who did all the dirty travel stuff and I just ordered him around. He would try to put the moves on me, but I would just tell him how good of friends we are and how I don't want to mess that up. He usually paid for all of the trips, but tonight he was a little angry and asked that I paid for the bed and breakfast. More told me than asked. It was fair as long as he drove and I felt bad for using him, so I went on the app and paid.
We got back to my place and he agreed to pick me up in the morning. I went to close the door and he put his foot in it. He had a mad look in his eyes and he physically pushed me back in the door way. He pushed me backwards again, intentionally this time. I was against away with my thoughts scrambling and he was closing the distance. He said I've been flirting with him all night and that I made him lose his date and I owe him. I tried to laugh it off and say it wasn't my fault, but he put his hand over my mouth.
"Brett! What are you doing!? I exclaimed as he touched me. He went for my boobs first then my legs and my butt then rubbed my vaginal. My clothes were still on but I didn't know how long this would go on. I calmed him down by saying we should move towards the kitchen because I was hungry. I was really just panicking and trying to buy time hoping he would realize how weird this was. I told him that this wasn't right, but he rationalized that he was going to get laid tonight by his date and I ruined it. Now he was going to get laid one way or another. I told him he should go, but he grabbed me by the arms and pushed me up against the counter.