I have come to understand there will be always men who greedily look at me and want to use my hot body and will behave the way Wolfgang the first German guy did when he deflowered me during the first long night I arrived in New York and stayed with him in his large hotel suite.
Perhaps I was fortunate! He was very experienced and strong and knew how to corrupt and use an innocent young girl during the next three weeks, until he flew back to Germany.
I was so sweet and innocent when I met him, a beautiful flower, mistaking the way he looked at me for kindness and respect. I thought I could trust him and had no idea of his true intention, his cruelty, his insistence, his sexual dominance over me during the days to come.
I met him on the flight from Paris to New York. We both flew first class with Air France to New York and I thought he was like my Dad, serious and very well dressed, older and nice, as in the beginning he did not show any interest in me and was reading his documents and magazines.
After the second glass of champagne we talked and during dinner I told him about India, how my marriage was fixed, and the dowry decided, without any concern how smart and intelligent I was, this was done with a business partner of my father who was much older and not the dream person I had in mind.
How all my life my parents had ordered me around how to be a good girl, choosing my friends, deciding what I should do or not do and I had accepted this. With my new husband it would not be much different, even worse and this created my predicament. I was not attracted to him, he was much older and the way he looked at me made me finally run away to the west, to escape from this.
But the reality was also, sitting in the airplane, I had no idea where to stay in New York and needed first to sell some of my jewellery because I had little money. My Dad was furious when he found out that his pretty daughter had left and cancelled all my debit and credit cards to force me to come back home to my well-ordered and sophisticated life.
His name was Wolfgang, and he was much older and was very understandable and nice about it and smiled when he looked at me, telling me if he needed gladly would assist me when asked. He told me not to worry that I looked like a Princess and he would treat me like his own daughter and protect me.
Already on the flight we had been drinking too much wine, celebrating my freedom. I realized my good fortune: I had met a nice and clearly rich civilized gentleman, who would help me during the first days in to start my new life.
The wine made me happy and careless; I felt comfortable and told him about my plans to work as a model first. I saw him smile and told me via his investment company in New York he would introduce me to some model agencies and agents. He became my new Daddy and I kissed him on his cheek to thank him for his kindness when he said I could have everything I wanted, without realizing I was going to pay him back with my body the same night.
He thought it best that I stay in a separate bedroom in the suite in the Plaza hotel, and I felt intimidated and I accepted. Then even if I had wanted to refuse I would not have been able; when we arrived in New York he had a limo waiting and we drove us to the Plaza hotel where I stayed the next three weeks.
He in his mid-forties, so very nice, fit and very charming, in a fatherly way and took me to some shops in the hotel and bought me a pretty black silk strapless dress , some black lingerie from La Perla which was really very beautiful, black stockings and high heeled shoes.
The dress was low cut, showing the swell of my young breasts and much shorter than I ever had worn, it embarrassed me and I protested that it was too short, but he told me not to sound like a spoiled girl; then the shop owner, a very classy Lady and other people watching me told me they liked it, insisted and I had to accept.
When we got to his apartment he told me to give him my passport and jewellery to put in his safe to keep both safe and I complied. At that moment I had no idea of his true intention. I saw how he looked at me with his dark eyes and smiled.
He insisted we go out for dinner and I wear the dress, together with the black lingerie. He said it in the same strong tone my Dad spoke to me when I was ordered me to do things and I understood I would have to obey him too and did not mind, since I always was around strong powerful men.
After a nice bath I stepped into the clothes he had bought and looked at myself in the mirror and felt really beautiful, proud and felt very sexy and ready to embrace my new life in the west. All my life I had been forced to hide my body; but now I could show it, show my long legs. But my dress was too revealing, it was hugging my body and when I noticed him looking at the low décolleté I felt more naked than dressed. I had never looked like this and the way he looked made me also uncomfortable.
I felt unsteady on the new high heels, the kind I was never allowed to wear. When we walked into the restaurant, it only served to draw more attention to me. I was very aware of all the stares, men and women alike were all watching at me and felt uncomfortable in the low cut dress, seeing how the waiter leered at me, at my cleavage when he stood next to me looking down at me. I realized the bra was not padded and everybody could see my hard nipples pressed against the thin material. At home I had never worn bras without soft pads, garters or high heels like this.
During dinner we drank Champagne and it gave me a real warm feeling. I told him about my family, the servants and our big black driver Samuel who got fired for looking at me; how jealous my mother was and how I had protested and cried against my mother's choice of my future husband.
I did not wish to lose my sense of self-respect, chosen because of the seize of the considerable dowry, my parents offered to my future husband, I did not want to be sold like a cow on the market. But by running away two weeks before the grand wedding, I had disgraced my family and would be punished severely if I ever got back to India. With my life and the honour of my family at stake, I had little doubt as to what my fate would be.
Followed my escape from India my Grandfather had held a family court at his estate and all the senior members of our family were invited to discuss my misbehaviour, the shame I had brought and ultimately my punishment were discussed. At the end my family first of all disowned me, never to speak to me again.
The last time I spoke to my mother and remembered how she told me
"Child come back home and be a "good" and "decent"girl and marry this nice man we have chosen for you and do your duty. Don't waste your young life with white men who only want to use your body which is very evil of you and shameful for your Dad."
How angry, how incensed she was when I refused to return to my comfortable life back in India and called me a "Randi," and I saw Wolfgang grin in an evil way when he made me tell what Randi meant a "whore" and now I know which showed his despicable character.
He smiled and said
"How does that make you feel Mangala, are you a "Randi," and is your mother right, you are pretty enough to be a famous Randi on Park Avenue."
I felt so embarrassed and protested while he looked he smiled at me. It was very embarrassing when I said,
"No Wolfgang, I will never be a Randi, I am a "nice girl", I am a Virgin, which is the most precious gift from the Christian God I have received, which only to be released by my husband". For a "nice and decent" woman like me it is a matter of family honour to remain pure until my wedding day." How naïve and innocent I was, coming from a conservative family and growing up in a traditional moral culture, not understanding the west, his true intentions, how foolish it was to stay with a man in his apartment, not seeing his lusty desires for my body.
