Being a clinical psychologist at a university, you get to hear a lot of interesting stories. Most of them are decidedly not sexy or erotic in any way. We work in the health department and are generally there for when things are going wrong, so we see the aftermath of stress or accidents or abuse or different kinds of trauma. That said, I do remember a certain student who came into my office the very first semester I was at the university. I was still married at the time, but his story has stuck with me and inspired me in more ways than one.
I should also preface this by saying I do not, and have not ever crossed the line with any of my patients or students at the university. Being around younger men and women, however, certainly has caused my romantic outlook to trend toward the younger. I seem to have developed an affinity for and an empathy with that age group. Subject for another story perhaps!
It was the third week into my first semester seeing students in the health department. From all of my graduate research in human development and sexuality, I knew it is to be expected that for the 18-25 age group, a disproportionate category of mental health concerns relates to sex. Kevin (name changed) was a nineteen year old political science undergraduate. He arrived in my office hoping to speak to a counselor. The schedule was reasonably clear so my assistant slid him right in and he sat down. He was obviously nervous and unsure if he should even be there. I assured him that anything he wanted to talk about was fine, and that I was in no position to judge. I also told him about physician patient confidentiality, and he seemed satisfied. (I should also mention that he gave me permission to relate his story in this form, with names and obvious identifiers changed.)
Aside from the general 'deer caught in headlights' look he was a pretty good looking kid. Somewhat athletic build, nice smile when he smiled, and a clear voice that suggested a thoughtful nature. He sat for a while trying to think of what to say.
"How much sex... is TOO MUCH sex?" he finally managed to ask.
I told him it depended entirely on the situation and on the relationship. He seemed anxious to communicate about something but embarrassed, so I simply tried to make him comfortable with easy questions. Finding out a little bit about his college situation, what he was studying, where he lived, relationships, etc. I generally don't pry, but there are some very gentle ways to help worried people communicate in order to figure out where the problems lie.
As it turned out, Kevins rather conservative family lived back on the east coast and he had come out California on a full ride scholarship. He was obviously smart and motivated and willing to work hard to make good on the grants. His mother had made arrangements for him to stay with a long time college friend of hers, who was married. They were family friends that he had met several times previously, and his mother had stayed in touch with her and her husband over the years. They lived reasonably near the university and had offered him a guest room for the semester so it seemed like a no brainer. His mom had dropped him off at the airport, sent off with brownies to share with her friends the Stevensons, who wold pick him up at the other end.
As it turned out, the Stevensons did not pick him up. Mrs. Stevenson picked him up, only now she had returned to her maiden name of Clark. Apparently his mother's friends had divorced but had not revealed this fact to his religious and somewhat judgmental parents. It was a carefully kept secret, and at her sheepish request, he promised not to tell his parents.
"And please just call me Kim."
So, Steven found himself living with a divorced 39 year old free-spirited bay-area yoga instructor. She ran a studio in the lower floor of her home and lead sessions three days a week. All in all, it was a lively situation to come down the stairs in the morning to use the restroom and be met face-to face with women his age and older in sports bras and leggings in the house. Apparently he had no qualms about that, and even began to join in for sessions now and then.
The issues Kevin came to my office about began about a week after his moving in and after class had begun. He had come home after working out at the gym and had showered and was stepping out when Kim entered the bathroom entirely naked. He says that she just stopped, not even surprised and stood there looking him up and down. He says she just lingered and he gazed at her body. A mutual moment of attraction.
