Ever had one of those small problems that niggle at you and you can't seem to resolve? I had one. Small items in the housewould vanish, never to be seen again. Nothing expensive that would be quickly missed but minor items like a pair of nail clippers. They're always in a certain drawer, then suddenly they aren't.
For a while I thought it was just me but Dianne, my daughter, also complained about losing things. I decided to keep my eyes open and to possibly lay a trap to see what manner of animal took a bite.
One of Dianne's best friends was Megan. The pair of them were constantly at each other's homes, feeling free to just walk in at any time, being friends of the family and all that.
I put up a couple of small cameras at strategic places and waited until something went missing. As an enticement I left a bottle of nail polish where it could be spotted fairly easily. It was Dianne's polish, but one she disliked. Used it once and then decided it just was not for her and never used it again.
A few days later the polish was gone. Reviewing the film from the camera I saw Megan come in, grab the polish in passing, and dropping it into her bag. I sighed and waited for a chance to speak to Megan alone. I couldn't tell Dianne as she would promptly blame me for everything.
Fortune smiled upon me. The very next Saturday Dianne went shopping. Knowing her she'd be gone for several hours. She'd barely left the house when Megan barged in, calling for her.
"Good morning, Megan," I said. "How nice to see you. Dianne's not home right now but come in anyway. Oh, you are in, aren't you? While you're here could you look at this video clip and tell me what you think of it?"
Her first reaction was to deny everything. This was followed by a claim that Dianne said she could have it. I shook my head.
"As far as Dianne knows I have the polish. She gave it to me when I asked for it. Want to try again?"
She had a slightly trapped look on her face, then burst into tears.
"It's not my fault," she wailed. "I suffer from kleptomania and just can't help myself."
"Oh. I see. As a matter of curiosity where's your stash?"
"My what?"
"Your stash of things you've acquired. You do know how kleptos operate, don't you?"
I smiled and she looked confused. I sighed.
"Kleptos are very much like crows. They see a pretty, pick it up, and add it to their stash. A crow sees something shiny and picks it up, and takes it to its nest. It could be a diamond, a piece of glass, or a shiny bottle top. They're all the same to the crow. Same applies to people who are kleptos. So, where's your stash."
"I don't keep the things I take. I throw them out." Megan was sounding a little desperate.
I shook my head, giving her a sad look.
"No. Kleptos wouldn't dream of giving up their loot. You're not a klepto. You've just in it for the thrill it gives you."
She was blushing but not saying anything.
"We can resolve this one of two ways. One, I lodge a complaint with your parents. Two, you return anything of ours that you have and I spank you as a penalty."
"You wouldn't dare."
"I take it from that comment that you choose option two."
"Yes. I'll return any of your stuff, but you're not spanking me."
"Even if you'd gone for option one I'd still have spanked you. You don't seem to realise it but I am really angry about this."
"I won't let you."
