Boredom. It's responsible for a lot of evils.
Why did the Normans go raiding? They were bored of sitting at home watching ice melt.
Why did the Vandals attack the Romans? They were bored of sitting in the forests watching trees grow.
Do you know what one of the most boring things you can do is? Travel.
In the desert the Arabs would travel in camel caravans, each Arab watching the rear end on the camel in front of him. How boring.
Nowadays we fly, sitting in a little tin can that's hurtling through the air while we sit and watch the back of the head of the passenger in front of us, bored out of our minds.
In the wild west, passengers would stay cooped up in a stage coach that seemed to gallop endlessly into the distance, with nothing to do but watch each other and be bored out of their skulls.
So people find ways to defeat this boredom. This is one of those little excursions into boredom mitigation.
Here was the stage coach, with four passengers. They'd been on that coach for two hours already and expected to be on it another four before they reached a change station. Further boredom awaited them after that.
The four passengers – two women and two men. The first of the woman looked to be about thirty, was apparently well to do, dressed stylishly and still had an excellent figure. The thirtyish appearance was actually a lie, as she was nearer forty. Travelling with her was the second woman, her daughter. Also dressed in style, a superb young figure, quite lovely to look at. They were the wife and daughter of a well-established rancher, returning from a visit to the city.
The first of the men was a gambler, neatly dressed and well groomed, about thirty years old. He was travelling to a new city after being advised that he'd worn out his welcome in the last one.
The second man was a cowboy, mid-twenties, dressed standardly for a cowboy. He was travelling because he wanted to.
They were all bored. Mother and daughter were dozing in the heat, while the two men just sat back and survived. Eventually the gambler turned to the cowboy.
"We need to do something to help pass the time," he said. "How about a friendly little game?"
The cowboy just laughed at him.
"Any game you're in, isn't going to be friendly," he observed, "and I'd be no match for you at cards. How about we try our hands at a little target practice, or maybe persuade the driver to let us take turns driving to see which of us is best?"
It was the gambler's turn to laugh.
"I never bet on a sure loss," he said, "and it seems to me that taking you on in a physical contest is a certain loss for me."
They continued on their way in silence for a few minutes, the men musing and the women nodding off.
"I can think of a physical contest that would give us both a fair chance," mused the cowboy, looking sideways at the gambler.
"Pray tell?" came the reply.
"No offence, but I heard you was run out of the last town for cheating," observed the cowboy.
"None taken, and it was only alleged, not proven, and is it relevant?"
"It's relevant as it points to the directions of your morals. Mine ain't too high, and would I be right in saying the same about yours?"
"I like to think of mine as being flexible, depending on the circumstances. What are you getting at."
"Well, we're two men," said the cowboy, speaking softly. "Seated here, we have two women. Now if we were to take one woman each and sit her on our cocks we could have a few friendly wagers. We don't bounce the women on our cocks, we just sit and hold them there and let this damned stagecoach do the bouncing. We can bet on who's going to come first, us or them, and which of us or them is going to come first and so on."
"And if they scream, and the driver hears them?" asked the gambler.
"The driver don't hear nothing out of the coach. Too much noise up where he is."
"And when we reach a town and they complain?"
"Do you really think those two are going to go to the sheriff and say they've been ruined by a cowboy and a gambler? As long as we don't damage them they'll say nothing."
"The girl is probably a virgin," pointed out the gambler.
"Probably, but she can't go through life like that. I consider it my duty to help her. You can lift the woman's skirts first and prong her so the girl knows what to expect when I take her."
"OK, you're on. One little test first, if you don't mind."
Opening his mouth the gambler yelled loudly to the driver, and listened for a response. When none was forthcoming, he repeated the call, with the same result.
Satisfied, he turned to the cowboy.
"I'm in," he said, ignoring the grumbling women who had started awake at his yells. He calmly announced a sequence and odds. The cowboy considered and accepted.
Both men started stripping off their trousers, the women not noticing at first. Then the daughter saw what was going on, squeaked and gripped her mother's arm. By this time, both men were pushing down their trousers, erections already on display.
"How dare you," squawked the mother. "Pull your trousers back up this instant. I will certainly be reporting this behaviour to the company."
She faltered when she saw the look that the gambler gave her.
"You will be quiet and do what you're told," he informed her, his voice low and cold. "Do you want your daughter to get hurt?"
The mother shook her head, casting a desperate look at her daughter.
"In that case you will stand up and hitch your dress and petticoats up to your waist.
Now!" he snapped, when the woman hesitated, casting a significant nod towards the daughter.
Furious and scared, the woman got to her feet, propped herself against the side of the coach and gathered her skirt and petticoats up. The gambler looked at her, appalled.
"What the hell are they?" he demanded, looking at some extra clothing he had never seen before.
"They're called bloomers," said the mother nervously. "Amelia Bloomer says that every woman should wear them."
"Her, too?" asked the gambler, nodding towards the daughter.
"Of course," said the mother. "Every woman will have them soon."
The gambler shook his head.
"They're ghastly," he complained. "Take them off. Yes, her too."