After the "hookup" with Cam, Emily and I didn't specifically rehash or talk about what happened over the next few weeks.
I was starting to chalk it up as one of those one-off, wild college experiences you're supposed to have. A crazy story that I might one day feel comfortable sharing at a bar or something.
That doesn't mean it didn't stick with me. Every part of it. Cam's massive cock sliding in and out of Emily (and across my face), seeing Em absolutely fucked into submission, having another guy's cum on me, the simultaneous arousal and humiliation of it all. It was burned in my brain. There were obviously reminders of it too...I'd see his permanent marker autograph on my poster several times a day. And the autograph he left on Emily's ass wasn't going anywhere any time soon.
I felt like I always noticed it at the worst times...like when I'd be kissing down her back during foreplay, or doggystyle, or when she had her legs up over my shoulders and I was going down on her. It got in my head and I hated it, but it sometimes made me so hard too.
The massive orgasm I had during that encounter was the most confusing thing to get my head around. I'd never thought of or been turned on by the idea of a girlfriend being railed by another guy like that. I'd never felt gay or bi or been called effeminate or felt wimpy. But maybe seeing Em with a truly superior "alpha male" like that just felt like the inescapable natural order of things, I guess. I hated it.
Even if Em and I weren't talking about what happened, the intimacy dynamic between us changed. She was hornier. There was no way around it. Starting things more often. Less handjobs, more sex. And more receptive to my advances. I tried to overlook that a lot of her preferences seemed shaped by what had happened with Cam. She wanted to 'sixty nine' a lot with her on top. Told me to spank her and talk dirty to her. Told me to put a finger in her butt. Made a few jokes about getting a huge dildo for herself. She still wanted to wear a condom though, explaining that thing with Cam was a one-time mistake.
I was happy to go along with most of it. How could I be mad at a less inhibited girlfriend? But I could tell I wasn't doing it exactly the way she wanted. After, she'd always need me go down on her for longer. Or sometimes she'd just rub herself to completion in front of me.
"Is there something you want me to do different?" I'd ask, sliding my fingers in between her legs to try to rub her.
She'd push my hand away, smile, kiss me on the cheek, and shake her head.
It just seemed like it was never enough for her. I never asked, but I knew I was competing against her memory with Cam. How could something so hot also be so humiliating and make me so mad?
At one point I asked her about Cam since I knew they were in the same class. Emily said he usually wasn't even there, and it was a 200-student lecture anyway. Typical football player. But they apparently hadn't really talked since then. I couldn't tell if that made her feel used or not.
One Friday night, about three weeks after the first encounter, Emily and were eating dinner together in the Manzanita dining hall. We didn't usually eat there, but some of our friends lived there and we'd been hanging out with them.
We were just wrapping up when we heard yelling across the hall.
"Eyy! Em!" We turned. Cam making a beeline toward us, having broken off from about a half dozen other football players, all wearing different combinations of team gear. Cam specifically had a black tanktop and track pants. He stood by our table, leaning in for a harmless side hug with Emily, and giving me a fist bump.
"Mikey." He pointed at me.
"Matt." I replied directly. I wasn't sure how I felt that he'd left a searing imprint on my brain and felt his balls on my lips, and he didn't remember my name.
"Right, Matty. My bad." He looked back at Em. "What are y'all doing here?"
"Just hanging with friends," Emily replied. "Headed back now to Barrett now. How about you?"
"Back from practice. I gotta study for that Monday exam. Haven't read a chapter," Cam laughed, then paused. "You in? Help me out?"
I expected Emily to look back over at me for some type of permission, or excuse, but she just said, "Yeah, sure!"
"I mean..." I started. "It's Friday night. We were gonna -- "
"Can Matt come?" Emily interrupted. "He can study for something too."
"Of course, whatever." Cam shrugged.
"Grab our laptops, babe?" Em turned to me and asked.
"Yeah, man." Cam added. "I'm in 506 when you get back."
I started doing the math in my head. Me walking 15 minutes to Barrett Hall where my dorm and our laptops were, then 15 minutes back. Them alone for 30 minutes. I paused. I didn't want them alone. But I didn't want to overreact or come across as insecure by being weird about it.
"Yeah sure," I replied. Didn't seem likely a lot could happen in 30 minutes.
I couldn't have booked it faster to my dorm room though, where both Emily's and my backpacks were. I threw our laptops and notebooks into one backpack and raced back. The whole time I was chewing myself out for agreeing to this, at one point even mumbling out loud. "C'mon, Matt...Why are you being such a fucking little bitch? Get it together." My resolve was escalating with every step back to Manzanita. And I decided we weren't going to stay.
Cam's door was open when I approached 506. A good sign things hadn't gone too far. My stomach turned when I heard Em giggling though.
Reaching the doorway, I stared in. Cam had a single room. Another athlete perk, I guess. They were...really just studying. Sure, they were squeezed in kind of tight next to each other sitting at Cam's desk, backs to the door. There was a book open, with a notebook. Clothes were on. But Em was still giggling at something Cam said or did, leaning in for a playful shove, hardening my resolve to get us out of there.
I was relieved things hadn't gone further. And I wasn't about to let them.
"Em, we actually got to go." I said, approaching the desk as they both turned around. "We've got...that thing."
"What thing?" Emily asked, confused. "I need to study for this exam too."
"Okay, well we can do it back at my room."
Cam was just watching the exchange.
"Wait, why? I don't want to...I'm good studying here."
"C'mon," I hissed, grabbing Em's wrist tight and starting to tug on her.
"Owww...Matt..." she whined. "What's wrong with you?"
"Hey man," Cam stood up from the desk. "Pretty sure she can do what she wants." He slowly reached for my arm that was holding Emily's wrist.