Slt: Trials and Tribulations

CW: Reluctance, unplanned impregnation

--

The bright red flyer had been posted on every bulletin board on campus, even the tiny one near the campus Christian center. It promised financial compensation for any woman older than 18 willing to participate in a hormone stabilizer drug trial overseen by the medical college. Interested parties were to contact Zahra at the Sigma Lambda Tau house on sorority row.

On the third floor of Frampton, under the watchful oil-painted gaze of a white Jesus, the three freshman members of the Ladies Bible Study were discussing the sign with more disagreement than was normal.

"We should investigate," Rebecca said, standing near the window. She wore an ankle-length skirt that concealed everything and a high-collared blouse that tried its best but couldn't conceal shapes. She crossed her arms, which didn't help her blouse's difficult job, and turned to look at the other two girls.

"That's crazy," Leah said, wringing her hands as she sat on the edge of the bed. She wore pants, which counted as casual dress among her friends, and wore her black hair in a pixie cut. "If Sigma Lambda Tau is involved, it'll be sinful."

"Sinful and dangerous," Chloe added from her perch next to Leah. She was tall, with freckled cheeks and brown hair that was trying to escape its braids. She sat cross-legged despite Rebecca's insistence that it wasn't ladylike. "Who knows what they'll be giving people? I mean, think about what they put in their own bodies."

"Chloe!" Leah exclaimed.

"I meant alcohol," Chloe insisted, her freckled cheeks blushing brightly. "Besides, I'm taking your side. Don't fight me about it."

"It can't be dangerous," Rebecca said. "I checked, and the medical college really is overseeing the trial."

"Okay," Leah said. "That still leaves the sinful part."

"Participating in the trial wouldn't be a sin," Rebecca said. "We could even give the money to the church. And it would give us an opening to minister to the Sigmas. The more familiar they are with us, the easier it'll be."

Leah hesitated, giving Chloe an awkward glance. "I don't know," she said. "The Sigmas...kinda scare me a bit."

"Come on, Leah," Rebecca said. "If it means saving even one soul, we need to be brave. Pastor Stevens said that there are plenty of people on campus who we could bring to Jesus, if we're just willing to tell them."

Leah hesitated, glancing at Rebecca before looking at the corner of the room. A dozen half-formed sentences about Rebecca's passionate faith outpacing her wisdom drifted through Leah's mind, and she felt a seed of panic beginning to grow.

She felt a hand on hers, and looked up. Chloe smiled, and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"It'll be okay," Chloe said. "We'll be right there with you."

Leah nodded before she realized what she was doing. "Alright," she told Chloe, already feeling foolish but unwilling to say no. "I'll do it."

--

The three girls met Zahra in the front parlor of the Sigma Lambda Tau building. The room had dark wood paneling and crimson curtains, but there was no sign of the debauchery they'd heard about. Then again, it was 8 am on a Tuesday, and presumably even debauchery had to sleep in sometimes.

Zahra didn't seem that intimidating. She wore a long-sleeved shirt that didn't reveal too much, even if it was tight-fitting enough to make a few suggestions, and her hair was pinned up in a haphazard bun. Her smile was warm, even if it seemed a bit mischievous, as she sized up the three girls with eyes so brown they were almost black.

"Thanks for volunteering," Zahra said. "They'll actually start the trial tomorrow in Wolverton hall, but I wanted to go over the paperwork first."

"Okay," Rebecca said. Leah and Chloe nodded, too, although Rebecca never looked back to check.

"So, the trial is for a hormone stabilizer," Zahra said. "It'll be inserted under the skin of your arm, and it'll stay there for the whole trial. You get paid once the trial begins, and you keep the payment even if we have to stop early."

Chloe nodded.

"There are some known side effects. An increase in libido occurred in 85% of participants in the first trial. It also interferes with some forms of birth control-"

"We won't need to worry about that," Rebecca said.

Zahra smiled. "That's fine, but I still need to tell you."

Chloe considered kicking Rebecca under the table, but decided it wouldn't be terribly Christian. Instead she focused on looking attentive as Zahra continued.

"It interferes with the minipill, so use barrier methods if you're on that. We'll also want to talk with you every Friday, to check in on your side effects and have you spit in a cup. Exciting, I know."

"Where is that done?" Leah asked.

"You can go all the way to Wolverton, or you can do it here. I get back from class at four."

"What if you have a party that night, though?"

"We always have a party on Friday night," Zahra said. "It's fine, though. Not much happens by four."

"Do you want to meet and come down together?" Chloe asked.

"Oh, that'd be nice," Leah said.

Rebecca frowned slightly; her last class ended at 3:50 on the other end of campus, so she'd have to do her checkup alone. Still, it was an opening, and she could figure out how to use it later.

"So what do you think?" Zahra asked. "Are you in?"

"Sure," Rebecca said with a smile that Zahra couldn't quite read. "We're in."

--

A couple weeks later, Leah and Chloe walked into the Sigma Lambda Tau parlor, where Zahra met them and led them past the party preparations up to her room. Under normal circumstances Leah would have been confused and horrified by the kegs, the assortment of mixers on the bar, the shirtless man doing a sound check, and the stripper pole. Today, though, she seemed so distracted that she hardly noticed, and Chloe frowned in concern.

"So how's it going?" Zahra asked as they stepped into her bedroom. They'd been reluctant to sit on the bed last time, so Zahra had brought out a bench with crimson cushions on it. Chloe sat, and Leah hesitantly sat next to her.

"I've been...alright," Chloe said. "I think maybe I blush more easily, which isn't great because I already do it too much."

"Not at all," Zahra said, making a note on her tablet. "But, increased blood flow isn't surprising. Are you feeling okay otherwise?"

"Yeah," Chloe said.

"How about you, Leah?"

Leah took a deep breath, her cheeks flushing even if her blushes weren't quite as impressive as Chloe's. "Um. I haven't been feeling normal."

"Can you tell me more?"

"I...I've been having a hard time getting to sleep," Leah said. "My thoughts won't go where I want. And...sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night."

Zahra nodded. "You try to let your mind drift and it crashes into the gutter, maybe?"

Leah blushed further. Chloe put a hand over Leah's, her brow furrowed with concern, but Leah didn't grip her back like she normally did.

"Well, that's okay," Zahra said. "It might pass."

Rather than easing her worries, the thought seemed to give Leah an additional set. It didn't seem to be a set that she could articulate, though; she nodded, but she kept looking down and said nothing else.

"Well, keep me in the loop," Zahra said. "If it's too rough we can pull it out early. Otherwise, I'll see you next week."

Zahra walked the two girls back down the stairs. The evening's DJ had finished his sound check and was chatting with a few Sigmas, still without a shirt, and Zahra noticed that neither Leah nor Chloe gave him a second glance.

Zahra was still reflecting on this when Rebecca arrived, still sweaty from jogging halfway across campus in a nearly ankle-length skirt. By that point partygoers were beginning to trickle in, and one or two gave Rebecca's clothing a confused look before Zahra reached her.

"Want to come on up before the music starts?" Zahra asked. Rebecca gave the room a look of mild distaste and nodded.

"I guess you don't care for the music?" Zahra asked as they sat down in Zahra's room, Rebecca taking the chair.

"I don't care for the behavior," Rebecca said. "So much of it is sinful."

"Dancing isn't a sin," Zahra said. "Haven't you seen Footloose?"

Rebecca frowned. "It's not just dancing," she said. "It's drunkenness and fornication."

"A certain amount," Zahra admitted.

"Doesn't it distract you?" Rebecca asked. "You're trying to do science, and figure out how God made the world, and there's music and shouting and terrible behavior all the time."

"I'm studying medicine because I want to help people," Zahra said, raising an eyebrow. "I care about them."

"Do you care about their souls?"

Zahra sighed. "Have you ever heard the Jewish saying that many people worry about their bellies and their neighbors' souls, when they ought to worry about their souls and their neighbors' bellies?"

"No," Rebecca said.

Zahra pinched the bridge of her nose. "Well, that's closer to what I believe. But, before we get too distracted, I need to ask how you're feeling, in a physical sense."

"Fine," Rebecca said, entirely too quickly.

"Have you had any changes in libido? Heightened sexual desire is a common side effect."

Zahra noticed that Rebecca blushed before she responded. "No," she said. "Temptation doesn't bother me."

"Well," Zahra said. "You don't really face much temptation, do you?"

Rebecca frowned. "I...I face as much as anyone else."

Zahra shook her head. "One time in sophomore year, I had a guy over who was on the basketball team - tall, washboard abs, a cute smile, the works. But when we were getting undressed, he called me 'bitch,' and I realized that was all he thought I was. So I threw him out and put my clothes back on."

Rebecca's blush had deepened as the story went on, and she'd looked away, but now she looked back to meet the intensity of Zahra's gaze.

"I've looked temptation in the eye and then rejected it," Zahra said. "And I don't know if you could."

"I could face as much as you," Rebecca insisted. "Easily. I just choose not to because I follow God's path. If you had been on the same path, that guy wouldn't have called you anything."

Zahra raised an eyebrow. "Interesting," she said, and Rebecca chose to interpret it as a good sign instead of a warning. "We'll have to see."

--

"I need to get off the trial," Leah said, before Zahra could speak. "Please."

"Tell me what's wrong," Zahra said, gesturing to the bench.

Leah sat down. She'd arrived alone, well before she and Chloe normally showed up together. Her hair was mussed, and she'd taken off her frumpy sweater and tied it rather fetchingly around her waist.

"I can't do it any longer," Leah said. "It...I can't sleep, I can't go anywhere I normally go, I can't escape the...the..."

"Horniness?" Zahra asked.

Leah nodded. "Before the trial I was strong enough to keep it in check."

"Have you tried masturbating?" Zahra asked.

Leah hung her head. "I...I shouldn't, but even then I can't. Chloe is my roommate, and..."

Zahra nodded. "And you don't want her to know."

"No," Leah whimpered.

Zahra sighed. She picked up the tablet she'd been using to record the study data, then set it back down.

"Can you do one thing for me, really quick?" Zahra asked, setting her hand gently on Leah's shoulder. "Take a look at this."

She opened a book she'd borrowed from the Sigma library. The first page showed a nude dreadlocked man on all fours, facing the camera as if preparing to mount it, his excitement quite obvious.

"I recognize you probably don't see much art like this," Zahra said, her hand on Leah's wrist. "And I'm sorry if it's weird."

Zahra turned the page, revealing a black and white image of a tall brunette woman stepping out of a shower. She made no effort to cover herself, only grinning enigmatically at the camera. She also, Zahra had to admit, looked a bit like Chloe.

Zahra felt Leah's pulse race, and watched as she blushed and looked away. Leah closed her eyes for a moment, knowing what she'd revealed, but when she opened them Zahra was waiting patiently for her.

"The medication changes how horny you are," Zahra said. "But it doesn't change who you're horny for."

Before Leah could respond, there was a knock at the door. Zahra stood, and opened the door to find Chloe standing in the hallway.

"Is Leah already here?" Chloe asked, stepping in. As she saw Leah, she almost ran to her side and sat down, taking her hand. "Oh! Thank God you're here. I was worried when you weren't at the belltower."

"Yeah," Leah said weakly. "I just...got out early so I came down."

"Are you gonna be able to stay on the trial?" she asked, lowering her voice almost enough to stop Zahra from hearing. "Rebecca wants to keep going. She says she's making progress."

Zahra smiled, the sort of smile that makes prey animals hold very still, but neither girl saw it. Leah was busy forcing herself to smile, and Chloe couldn't see anything else.

"I know it's hard, but I'll help you," Chloe said. "I promise."

"Alright," Leah said. She glanced over at Zahra, but Zahra couldn't figure out what her expression meant - she was silently begging for something, but Zahra couldn't tell if it was for Zahra to contradict her or just to stay silent.

"Thank you," Chloe said. She smiled, then noticed the open book of erotica that Zahra had set down on her desk. She looked away, blushing so brightly that Zahra wondered if she'd catch fire.

"Oh," she said. "That's...really forward."

"Yeah," Zahra said. "Some people like things that way."

Zahra watched the girls go, with Chloe's arm wrapped around Leah's shoulder in a way that probably didn't help her feel any better.

It was another twenty-seven minutes before Rebecca arrived, and the party had almost started. Rebecca walked in, studiously avoiding looking at any of the attractive guys in the lobby. At a Sigma party this was akin to skipping through a minefield, and Zahra noticed that Rebecca spent a lot of time looking at the ceiling.

"Disgusting," Rebecca said before Zahra could ask how she was doing.

"That seems harsh," Zahra said.

"I'm trying to be kind, believe it or not," Rebecca said. "I know where sinful behavior leads, and I want them to turn away while they can."

"Everybody sins, though," Zahra said. "And here they're exploring themselves in a, well, mostly safe environment. Besides, our parties are a lot of fun."

"It doesn't matter how much fun it is," Rebecca said. "It's leading them - and you - in the wrong direction."

Zahra opened her door and led Rebecca over to the bench, then sat down facing her. "Speaking of carnal urges, how are you feeling this week?"

Rebecca bristled, her nose wrinkling adorably as her cheeks flushed, and Zahra grinned. "I'm fine," Rebecca said. "I haven't noticed any changes at all."

Zahra nodded, keeping a mostly straight face despite temptations to do otherwise. "That's impressive."

"Well," Rebecca said. "With God all things are possible."

"Let me have your wrist," Zahra said. "Our next step is to monitor your pulse while we expose you to some different stimuli."

Rebecca offered her wrist, and Zahra wrapped one hand around it. Rebecca's pulse was already high, and Zahra couldn't help but notice the rise and fall of her lovely tits even through her conservative dress. Rebecca raised her chin, but gasped when she saw the book of erotica that Zahra was leaning against a stand on the desk.

"What is that?" she hissed.

"This has the stimuli in it," Zahra said. "It's okay, though. You're still in control, right?"

"I...of course," Rebecca insisted.

"Good," Zahra said. She opened the book, skipping a few pages to arrive at an image of a man standing in a lake. The water rose to his stomach, and beneath its surface the view grew hazier - his well-defined abs were clear, but his legs vanished into the deeper water. In between, his cock was visible but not perfectly so, and he grinned like someone who was keeping a secret very badly.

Rebecca panted, her nostrils flaring, and set her jaw resolutely as she tried not to look without looking away. Zahra could feel her pulse rising, and she focused on writing down some fake notes to avoid smiling.

"I don't see what this is supposed to show," Rebecca huffed.

"It's just whether your body is having a physiological reaction," Zahra said, setting her tablet down to flip the page. A short young man with a beautifully sculpted torso and short curly hair walked naked through a forest clearing, utterly unconcerned with who might see him.

Rebecca's pulse raced. She looked away from the image to glare at Zahra. "This can't be part of the test."

"Leah and Chloe did it too," Zahra said. "I'm sure they'd tell you about it."

Zahra could see Rebecca trying to figure out what to say, and she carefully turned the page just before she settled on anything. The image looked up from a mattress, a woman's face close to the camera as she leaned forward to present herself to her partner. Both were nude, but the most intimate detail was their expressions - the man's mouth was open as he gasped in pleasure, and the woman's eyes were rolling back towards the ceiling. The angle didn't show it, but Zahra suspected it was taken the moment the man penetrated her.

As she saw the picture, Rebecca gave what Zahra considered to be an absolutely perfect moan. It was too short for Rebecca to see it coming or cut it off, but too long to deny. It contained every emotion Rebecca felt - her long-repressed desire, her surprise at the strength of it, and a bit of helpless shame at her inability to stop it. Zahra's blood had already been stirring, but now she felt her own body responding to Rebecca's desperate need.

Rebecca stood up suddenly, breaking Zahra's grasp and her reverie. She breathed heavily, and tried to convince herself it was only out of anger, and glared.

"That's enough," Rebecca said.

"Yeah," Zahra agreed. "I've got enough data."

"I think I'm done with this," Rebecca went on.

"That's okay," Zahra said. "This treatment is really powerful. If it's too strong for you to resist, that doesn't make you a bad person."

Rebecca didn't say anything to this at first. Zahra could see the potential replies rolling around in her head - anger and judgment and contempt all trying to paper over her lust and shame. Eventually, defiance pushed its way to the front of the line.

"No," she said. "I'll be back, because you need my help."

She stepped back and turned, walking out of the room without a backward glance. Zahra watched her go, listening to her footsteps in the hall until they faded into the party.

"I can't wait to see what you're gonna help me with," Zahra said, and no one saw her smile.

--

"We're almost there," Zahra said. "The treatment comes out in just a few days."

Leah nodded, looking down at the carpet. She hadn't met Zahra's eyes since she arrived, and she hadn't looked at Chloe, either.

Chloe, meanwhile, was practically vibrating with worry. She glanced at Leah every few moments, as if verifying that she hadn't disappeared, and she tapped her fingers against the bench as Zahra sat facing them.

Zahra was aching with the desire to do something and the knowledge that she wasn't the one who could. Leah and Chloe would keep on tying each other in knots, and not the fun kind, until one of them shifted things. Rebecca had about as much chance of saving Zahra as Zahra had of saving the two of them, no matter how she wanted to. Besides all that, she technically still had to gather data about their libidos, which would have made things easier for almost any other couple. It was maddening, but there was nowhere else to go.

"How are you doing?" Zahra asked.

"Fine," Leah said.

"You're not fine," Chloe said. "I've never seen you this unhappy. Please, just talk to her about it."