I had been lurking around the darker side of reddit for a long time. I did occasionally post things about myself, such as little snippets of my most shameful fantasies, or photos where you couldn't see my face.
I even had a couple of conversations with strangers, trying to build my confidence to actually tell someone what I wanted. But, even on a throwaway account, posting in these places seemed dangerous. Considering meeting someone, to me, seemed insane.
Most of my posts were quickly deleted, new contacts blocked the minute I stopped feeling horny, and the shame of what I had written came rushing in.
I had a couple of feeble attempts at exploring BDSM in real life. I even went to one of those clubs once, for an introduction event for newbies.
I wish I could say I went there with the same confidence I tried to exhume whenever I roleplayed online. But in reality, I spent most of my time there sitting at a table, nervously holding on to my cup of coffee, trying not to blush whenever someone would look at me.
Even though I tried to not draw attention, my very obvious shyness seemed to attract certain men.
Some of them came over to introduce themselves, to ask if I was new, and if I was doing ok. Part of me was excited, but mostly I felt terrified. A 32-year-old woman, sitting there in a pink skirt, hair in pigtails - I felt silly for dressing so innocently. I felt like everyone could see through me,like they knew why I came there in the first place. Like they could all tell what I wanted all of them to do to me - if I could only say it out loud.
But I couldn't, and I ended the night by excusing myself to use the restroom, and sneaking out the backdoor before anyone could stop me.
Home alone in my apartment I cursed myself for how I acted. I'd had so many opportunities, and all I could do was nod and smile, then run away like a frightened animal.
In frustration I sat down to write a story, one where I would try to be honest about what I really wanted. I knew I'd get a lot of responses, my posts usually do. Sometimes I reply, teasing the stranger on the other side of the screen. Toying with the idea of telling them my address, but never seriously considering it.
This time was different. I needed to do this, for real. I made myself a promise that if anyone even remotely close to where I lived replied to my post, and they said the right things, I would go through with it, no matter what.
That brings us to now.
You read my story, and something about it piqued your interest. There are plenty of stories here, but something about the way I write made you message me. You probably thought I'd help you cum. That you could use my filthy mind to get you off, and then forget about me. You never considered that I'd be one of the very few who were serious. Whose story wasn't really a story, but an ad, for someone like you to apply to. A script, for what I wanted someone like you, to do to me.
My story is about a seemingly innocent girl. A girl who blushes at the thought of a stranger seeing her naked. A girl with a secret. In my story the girl stops locking her door at night,. leaves her window ajar,. walks home alone, without checking over her shoulder, and sleeps without a blanket, wearing nothing but a thin pair of cotton panties.
In my story there's a man, who sees the girl. Who covets her, and watches her. Who follows her home, and night after night, comes closer to climbing through her window.
But not all of my story is true. Because I don't want you to be an intruder. I don't want you to be a creeper in the night who stalks women and breaks into their homes. I don't want you to be someone who hates women. What I want is someone I can trust, someone who could bring my deepest, darkest fantasies to life.
My story gets a lot of attention. It makes all the creepy crawlies come out of their dark hiding places.
"Hey slut I want to rape your holes."
"How old r u?"
"Have you ever been raped?"
"Tell Daddy about your trauma baby."
I ignore them all, nothing new, nothing original. No one says the right things. Then your message appears. Yours is polite. You tell me you''ve been told you have a nice voice, and you like to record yourself. If I want, you could talk me through my fantasies. You end with, "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to."
I've never done that before. I'm intrigued, and I reply, "Hi. This sounds interesting."
And you say, "I'm glad you like my proposal. Where can we talk?"
I give you my telegram, the one which doesn't have a single contact, yet has been given to so many guys the last couple of months. All of them blocked after our initial brief encounter.
We write back and forth. You ask me if I could confirm that I'm a girl. You tell me you don't feel comfortable with men, and that a lot of "girls" turn out to be horny guys pretending. You make a point of telling me I don't need to show my face or anything. You suggest I could send an audio of my voice. Or a photo of something else.
I feel a little bold, curious about you, so I send you a photo, showing my shoulder, and my hair. I type, "I guess a horny guy could have shoulders and long purple hair too, but I hope this might be enough to show you I'm a girl".
I see you writing your reply. A laughing emoji.- "It's ok", I believe you." you say.
I ask you if you could confirm you're a guy. I'm joking, but I want to know more about you. I see you recording an audio message, and I'm a little nervous. What are you going to say?
I press play, and the sound of your voice surprises me. You have an accent, I think it's Spanish. I notice I'm blushing, though you're not even saying anything embarrassing. You're not even trying to seduce me. You're just a guy, with an accent, saying hello. Telling me you're glad I added you, and that it's probably not very original, but you love my hair.
We keep sending each other messages. You tell me you think I'm a good writer, and I'm flattered. You start sending me more audios. You ask if maybe I feel comfortable sending them too, but say it's ok if I don't.
I'm not sure if I'm comfortable. I've never liked the sound of my own voice. I've never let anyone on reddit hear my voice before. I'm too nervous to use the audio message function on telegram. I record a message for you on my phone instead. Listen to it several times, making sure I sound right before I send it.
We talk for so long, about movies, comic books, and music. I forget about my story, and why you added me. When you shift the conversation towards what I wrote, I start feeling embarrassed. I let my guard down with you, because your voice is soothing, and you're funny.
But what I wrote isn't funny at all, and I start regretting this whole thing. Why have I spent over 2 hours talking to a stranger who's turned on by the thought of creeping through my window, finding me sleeping and completely vulnerable. I feel like you're testing me.
Your audios keep getting flirtier, but it's like you know you might scare me off, if you go too far, so you're just treading the water - seeing how far you can go, without spooking me.
You ask me; "Would you want me to continue your story? To tell you what would happen if I did climb through your window?"
I can't help but blush. Even in my story I couldn't quite finish it. I wrote till I got to the part where the stranger is in my room I'm asleep, and he moves towards the bed. I wanted to finish the whole story, but even on paper I couldn't be completely honest.