No chain binds as tight as the one you put on yourself.
Chapter 2: The Sorority President's Slave
Marcie Peterson was pretty -- too pretty. She didn't realize she was, which was her downfall. Her beauty was as dangerous as a loaded gun, but the only possible victim was herself. Sure she knew she was pretty, but she didn't understand that the reason other girls got more attention from the boys, was because those boys were intimidated by her. She just figured that the lack of attention was because she wasn't pretty enough. No one can objectively quantify their own beauty. They need attention from others to measure it. After all, not only is 'beauty in the eye of the beholder,' but also 'we are our own worst critic.' So who was to blame for Marcie's low opinion of her appearance? Why, her father, of course.
Not that you could fully blame him either. He made the same mistake as the boys in believing her beauty was self-evident. Still, a father should know better. A father should know that his daughter needs his approval in many ways. On the other hand, he didn't lack in paying attention to her other fine qualities, which was why she was a kind and generous soul who always thought of others.
And Marcie certainly didn't feel she was lacking in any attention from him. She loved her time alone with him in the morning, when he dazzled her with his humor and wisdom. He never failed to make her laugh with some odd insight on life, or touch her heart with his perspective on the Scripture. She truly believed he missed his calling as a pastor by becoming an engineer. She had no doubt he could have easily filled the pews of their church. Instead, she was his only audience.
No, her father was not remiss in paying attention to his daughter. He was just a little too concerned about not raising a vain woman who focused only on her beauty, so his daughter was ill prepared to deal with the consequences of that beauty.
Another person who could share in some of the blame was her ex-fiancΓ©, Billy. They were sweethearts in their small town, an hour outside Albuquerque, NM, since they were in Fifth grade. They sat next to each other in church since Ninth grade. Everyone figured they were destined to be married. Yes, everything was going well until Billy went off to college, and Marcie did not.
She would have liked to follow Billy into college, but she had to concede to her father's opinion that she had no other reason to go, so why should he pay for it? Marcie really had no other desire in life than to be like her mother, and stay home to raise children. Since he was only going to be an hour away at the University of New Mexico, there wasn't any real need for her to go. So he went away to college, and she stayed in their small town, to work as a receptionist at a law office, to save up money for their wedding.
It seems unfair in life how the low self-esteem of one person can crush the self-esteem of another, but that is often the case. Billy could never believe that this sweet little girl that he first knew, could develop into such a gorgeous woman, and yet still want to be with him. It's strange, but it never crossed his mind that she would cheat on him while he was away. He still couldn't believe that he could keep her though.
When Marcie got her 'Dear Jane' e-mail towards the end of his freshman year, she was stunned. He tried to use some lame excuse that he couldn't continue to wait for a girl who had to wait until marriage to have sex, but even he didn't believe it as he typed it. Yes, he did meet another girl at college who did want to have sex with him, but his real reason for choosing her over Marcie was that she better matched his own low perception of his attractiveness.
What deepened Marcie's humiliation even more was that he told his friends back in town that this was the reason he left her. He tried to make her out as some cold person who was uncaring about his 'needs,' when all she remembered was that they both equally agreed to wait until marriage before having sex.
Because of this shame, she could no longer face the people of her town. Even worse, she could no longer bear attending her church; because of how much her emotions with it were tied to her times with him there. Out of desperation, she went to her father and asked him to now pay for her to attend college in Arizona, so she could start her life anew. Her father was just as distraught by the turn of events and agreed, because he too had counted on her marrying Billy.
In a way, he felt he had let his daughter down, so sending her to college seemed the only recourse. Even still, he told her that he was not going to send her just to meet a husband. If she was going, she had to take some serious courses that he had to approve of. If she failed to achieve a 3.0 average in any of these classes, he would cut her off. Marcie agreed, and by the end of summer was attending Arizona State University.
Her freshman year in college mostly went by in a blur. She was an extreme fish-out-of-water, and didn't fit in at all. She didn't make any friends because she was focused heavily on her schoolwork. She had straight A's in high school, but that was from hard work, and not from any natural genius. Besides, the girls she met there always seemed to want to talk about boys, and the last thing on her mind was starting another relationship with one.
It wasn't that she did not ever want to try again. She had no doubt that there was another man out there for her -- another man like her father. She just wanted to focus on school for now, and let time heal her wounds.