Hello there! This story is the second part of a multi-part series; if you have not yet read the first chapter, I encourage you to read that first. This part is a bit more story-focused, but don't worry, future chapters will include more steam. The usual warnings apply: slow-burn romance, non-consent, kidnapping... If that rocks your boat, come aboard!
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Chapter 4: Reconciliation
It had been two days since the Viking longship left Minster Abbey. Eawynn spent her days staring at the sea, and her nights gazing at the sky and its stars. Since the other night, she had been avoiding Vidar to the best of her ability. Every time he walked towards her, Eawynn turned around in the opposite direction. She was getting good at evading Vidar physically, but her mind still could not shake the thought of him. Eawynn shook her head, and tried to forget about Vidar's comforting arms, which she wanted to be embraced by every time she saw him.
Eawynn tried so hard to ignore Vidar, that she forgot about another person she was trying to avoid: Aerlene, whose eyes shone with understanding, was standing right in front of her with her arms opened for a hug. Suddenly, the fight she had had with Aerlene a few days ago seemed so petty. All Eawynn could remember was the warm embrace of her friend. Without words, Eawynn slunk into Aerlene's arms. When it came to Aerlene, no words were needed. Still, Eawynn felt she should apologize for her judgemental behavior.
"I'm so sorry, Aerlene," said Eawynn, as she slumped on Aerlene's shoulder.
"I'm sorry, too. I know you must feel like I've lied to you all these years. But you must understand that I only did so out of necessity," Aerlene explained, with a hint of sadness in her voice.
"But now that there's no need to hide anymore, I think I should tell you... I was married once, in a previous life. My husband and I were so happy, until... until he passed. I was left with nothing. He was the last family I had left. The convent was the only place I knew where a young widow without family could go." Eawynn felt there was more to the story, so she waited for Aerlene to explain herself further.
"The convent let me join, with one condition - I was, under no circumstances, to speak about my previous life to anyone. They would accept me, even though I had been married. But the Abbess felt that if the other nuns knew of my condition, it would lead to too much intrigue. So I swore to her that as long as I was under the convent's roof, I would be nothing but a paragon of virtue," Aerlene explained.
"Truth be told, I have missed life outside of the convent. Even though I've learnt the words and recited the prayers... it always felt like someone else's life, not mine. Maybe this is God's way of giving me another chance at living?" Aerlene's question was directed at no-one in particular. Maybe she was asking herself, or perhaps it was God that she was questioning? Even then, Eawynn felt the need to give some sort of answer, though she knew it would be inadequate.
"God works in mysterious ways," murmured Eawynn, knowing her words were nothing but platitudes. She had recited that thought over and over to herself, in order to explain what had happened to her and her beloved Sisters.
"You have that right," answered Aerlene with a sigh, as she stared off into the cold, blue ocean. "You know, there's no shame in it. We are not nuns anymore - our convent has been burned down, our Abbess is dead... what is there left to bind us to our previous lives?" It seemed that Aerlene was trying to convince herself, more than she was attempting to sway Eawynn.
"I took a wow. And unlike you, I didn't do so under duress. I think God would understand your predicament. But I took the vows of my own free will. What am I, if not a nun?" Eawynn pondered, as she thought of all the ways she had already broken the Ten Commandments in the last few days.
"Did you truly make your decision of your own free will? What does it mean to be free, if you have the option of marrying a man twice your age - or joining the church, and promising never to marry at all? Is that freedom? To force a girl into making an impossible choice?" asked Arelene, who was now looking deep into Eawynn's eyes, and holding her hand.
"I don't know," answered Eawynn. She had always just accepted the fact that things were the way they were. It had never occurred to her that maybe it was not fair, that she had been expected to choose between a man she did not want, or a life completely devoted to God - another man. A man, who she was suddenly not sure she truly wanted.
Aerlene sighed, and shrugged her shoulders. It seemed she didn't hold the answers either, but was simply thinking out loud. Instead of trying to find an answer, the Sisters just looked at each other, defeated. Aerlene's golden blonde hair was wind-swept, and even though it was messy, it still looked beautiful. Eawynn also couldn't help but notice that there was a small glimmer in Aerlene's eyes that hadn't been there before. Something hopeful, looking forward to the future.
"So, you're not a nun anymore?" asked Eawynn finally.
"I think I never really was," answered Aerlene.
With those final words, Aerlene hugged Eawynn goodbye. She left Eawynn, and walked away not as a Sister bound by God, but as a sister that Eawynn had chosen for herself. Even if Aerlene stopped being a nun, she could never stop being Eawynn's older sister.
Eawynn was left alone, staring into the ocean. She had a lot to think about, now that Aerlene had planted the seed of doubt into her mind.
"Did I really choose this life, or was this forced on me, just like it was forced on Aerlene?"
Eawynn thought to herself.
"And if God can force you into his service - and expect you to obey, then what kind of God is that?"
Eawynn couldn't help but think that in a way, God was almost similar to her Viking captors, who had also forced Eawynn and her sisters into their way of life. With a small snicker, Eawynn shook her head.
"God really does have a sense of humor".
Lost in thought, Eawynn jumped in surprise, as she heard a loud cough coming from somewhere behind her. Without even looking, she knew who the sound belonged to - she had heard his voice often enough to know it by heart. Eawynn blushed as she thought of it. It felt scandalous, knowing a man's voice so well that she could tell it apart from others from just a cough.
Vidar walked up to Eawynn's side, and for a moment just stood next to her silently. Eawynn turned around to leave, trying to once again avoid Vidar's company. Before Eawynn was able to disappear again, Vidar grabbed Eawynn's arm and dragged her back to him, into his arms. Eawynn moaned softly, frustrated - both by her inability to escape, and by her desire to not really escape at all. For a moment the world seemed to melt away, and all that remained was Vidar's inviting hug. Eawynn allowed herself to relax for just a second and enjoy it - it was not like she could escape even if she wanted to.
"Eawynn..." Vidar murmured softly into the young woman's ear, as he cradled her in his arms.
Eawynn's heart skipped a beat, as she realized what he had just said.
"That's the first time you've said my name,"
she thought, as she held back a smile. For a moment, Eawynn wondered how he even knew what her name was - he had never asked her. But Eawynn soon figured that Magnus must have told Vidar her name, after she had introduced herself to the young man. It felt good to hear Vidar say her name; it felt especially good, when he said it like
that.
His voice was low, almost a whisper, but seemed full of unspoken passion and tenderness. It sounded like a reassurance, or an apology. Like he was trying to console her, in his own way.
Thoughts of the night before entered Eawynn's head, and she again remembered what had happened.
"You were laying with Frigg, and then you walked in on me, touching myself. And then you touched me, as well... Oh God, that's why you're here, isn't it?"
As Eawynn remembered what she had seen happen the other night, she recoiled from Vidar's touch. Eawynn fought her way out of the man's embrace, and instead faced him, arms crossed combatively. Staring daggers at the man, she hoped Vidar would get the hint: she was mad at him, and was not in the mood for romance.
Vidar sighed, and rubbed his hands across his face. He looked frustrated, as he massaged his temples with his palms, trying to rid himself of the troubled thoughts hiding within. After a moment, Vidar sighed again and stared at Eawynn, seemingly waiting for some explanation for her outburst.
"Frigg." That word was all Eawynn said. It was all she could say, that Vidar would understand. But it was also the only thing she needed to say.
"No," Vidar shook his head, as he uttered the only English word Eawynn had ever heard him say. If she had not been angry at him, Eawynn would have been impressed. But as it stood, Eawynn was not calmed by Vidar learning a single word of English.
"No? So what was it then, that happened between you two the other night?" Eawynn was not sure Vidar would understand, but she tried her best. She motioned at Vidar, when she repeated Frigg's name, and she made some kissing sounds, to indicate that she had seen them kiss. It was not exactly what she meant, but it seemed to get the point across.
Vidar shrugged his shoulders, and shook his head. He muttered something in Danish, which Eawynn didn't understand. The young woman sighed. It was impossible to really communicate, when neither of them knew what the other one was saying. Vidar seemed to be frustrated by the very same thing. Without warning, Vidar took Eawynn by the hand, and dragged her with him. He walked briskly to another part of the ship. Eawynn saw Magnus, who was whittling away at a piece of wood.
Magnus got up, surprised by Vidar and Eawynn's sudden arrival. Eawynn stood and watched, as a heated conversation took place between the two. Finally, Magnus groaned, and seemed to relent to whatever Vidar was requesting. Defeated, Magnus turned to Eawynn.
