Shopping or Fucing?

"Gone shopping in Hollywood," the note said. "Back tonight. Love, Claire." My wife often went shopping in nearby Backwood Mall, so there was no reason to believe she wasn't there, but I had began to get suspicious of her shopping trips every Friday at this particular time period, and this note again made me wonder. The only way to know for sure would be to go though the trouble of following her, running the risk of discovery and the embarrassment of being wrong. There was no way I was going to do that, so I would just keep wondering and not knowing, having these sneaking suspicions that ate away at my happy home and confidence in my mate.

I asked about her day shopping and she talked about parking problems, crowded malls, and the normal difficulties one goes through shopping no matter where or when, or at what mall you're in. She had bags full of purchases, of course, and all the rudiments of a day of shopping was in evidence. No reason to think differently. None. Although years before, when we were married to other people, that was how we met up, supposed days of shopping trips. Days organized around deception and machinations and ways to be able to see one another. Could that be happening again?

I asked if I could come with her the next Friday. She said, of course, but talked about many reasons I would be uncomfortable coming, reasons I might not want to "tag" along. She was very convincing that it wouldn't be a fun trip for me. If she was planning something and I went, of course, things would have to change. I would be getting in the way. I had to keep wondering.

A year later, as luck would have it, a work related change of plans put me in the same mall she shops in on the same day at about the same time. Of course, it was not what I saw, but what I did not see. Her car was no where to be seen in the three level parking garage, which I felt crazy and paranoid driving around for forty minutes, looking everywhere. No car.

That night I asked the usual questions and got the usual answers: parking problems, crowds, unruly shoppers. What I didn't hear was, "I wasn't shopping today." Now my mind was working overtime. My wife and I have been together for many years now. If she is 'seeing' someone, would it be a deal breaker? Would I feel I had to end the marriage and move on, or would I accept it as conventional marital happening and what people do when they're tied to someone and the everyday routine and drudgery for life? Could I accept that? I decided what I didn't know I could not torture myself over. However, what did happen was that it stayed in my mind and I constantly began to see it happening in my imagination. It became my go-to fantasy, the daily mental picture show I could not prevent, couldn't turn off, couldn't stop seeing, even when I didn't want to see it. I was just incapable of not looking.

I would see her making love to another man in his bed, with their clothes on the floor, and their hands exploring one another frantically. I would see his mouth on hers, his penis in her pussy, and his tongue roaming her mouth. I'd see his lips and tongue licking and sucking her pussy lips and his fingers exploring her pink depths. I would see him pumping repeatedly into her, and I would see her pushing up into him. I would imagine her sucking his erection with the eagerness I see and experience at home in our bed,

I have imagined every scenario I can think of: in his bed, his car, his shower, on the floor of a hotel room, in the back table of an intimate cafe or small pub. I see him reaching under her skirt, like I have in our courting days, and finding her panties and moving his fingers under the edge of her underwear to find her moist and puffy labia, to move them aside and probe their depths and search for her G-spot. I imagine him rubbing it, bringing her to an explosive orgasm, the kind that have her squirting from her

pussy, wetting her panties or the bed, making her gasp and groan with incredible pleasure.

I have started to actually enjoy my fantasies, since I have no way to find the truth or dismiss them entirely. I imagine her everyday, seeing her orgasms, enjoying her imaginary pleasure, hearing her gasps, her moans. Her pleasure does matter to me, so I hope she does find some pleasure from her cheating, her hidden life. I have long felt that fidelity is not the most important issue in a marriage. I know in France and many other cultures they believe differently than the American obsession with monogamy and marital fidelity. I know men and women in those cultures live happy lives with wives and husbands having lovers or other sexual relationships outside of the marriage.

I look at those examples and wonder why can't I? If our lives are happy being together, why would I destroy our lives over a need she has for sex with someone else. If she were hateful and difficult to live with, that is something different. She is none of those things and I have to admit we are in most ways happy together, we like each other, and I hope she is happy enough to stay with me even if she needs someone else sexually. At the same time, of course, I do not know that she is 'seeing' someone else for sex. Our sex life seems happy enough, healthy enough. I admit I do have sexual fantasies about other women, although I don't pursue them. They are just fantasies, thoughts of the possible.

I may never know if my wife is letting another man probe her panties in a darkened pub, or kiss and lick her pussy in a hotel bed or on a hidden beach somewhere in a deserted clandestine countryside where she has met someone for secret sex. If I don't know whether it is really happening, I cannot cause the possibility to ruin my life. I may as well enjoy the possibility, and let it go, not obsess on the chance it may be occurring. If it is happening I may never know why. If I am wrong about her seeing someone, then I may never know that as well. Shopping or fucking? Sounds like a title for an erotic narration for a website about curious or suspicious husbands. Today my wife is off 'shopping' and if I close my eyes I can see her being fucked giddy in a secret place, with an euphoric look on her face and her top teeth over her bottom lip, her fists gripped firmly at her sides, and her pussy full of stiff cock.