Shadow Of A Doubt Ch 04

Author's note: Before you read this story, I'd just like to bend your ear for a moment. This is not a Non-consent story. It is a story about ‘reluctance'. Which means it's in the right category. It's about the reluctance of a girl to do as she's told in a D/s relationship, reluctance to face her demons and fears, and reluctance to accept her desires. As such, and because it is the premise upon which this whole story is based, this chapter, like the others, suits this category best. I tossed and turned over whether this chapter, and the next couple, should be submitted under the Exhibitionism category, and if Lit decides that that's where they should be, then so be it. In any case, it is a story about the psychology of Shannon. It is not about her abuse.

I was standing in front of the mirror shifting my weight from one foot to the other and debating whether to lift the hem of my thin, white cotton skirt with my trembling hands. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to see what I looked like. My hands froze and I looked up into my face. My sunglasses were perched on my head, holding my streaked blonde hair behind my ears. I was blushing.

It suddenly struck me that I was so excited I could hardly stand it.

An hour ago, when I was mindlessly sliding my fingers up my ass and pinching my nipples, Johan had denied me an orgasm. Though I would much preferred to have had one (at least!), I had to admit that my excitement level had gone through the roof.

Finding myself in front of my mirror thinking about what I was going to do next had me creaming myself.

My skin was so hot I couldn't believe it, and the tingling and wetness of my pussy was utterly undeniable.

You see, I'd never been in this position.

I'd always thought that my fantasies were my own business. I enjoyed indulging them. I loved bringing myself off to them. I never thought I'd have to admit them to anyone. Let alone my husband!

However, thanks to his curiosity, and my inability to lie to him, Johan now knew exactly what I thought about when I masturbated.

Exactly.

God!

It was a turn on and a nightmare at the same time. I guess because Johan is the kind of guy who loves to do new things. To him, it's a challenge to "keep it interesting". At the same time, in his own way, he's kind of conservative too. I mean, he ties me up and spanks me, and he has me stick my fingers up my ass for his enjoyment for God's sake.

But we've

never

taken our fun outside the house.

Usually it's just him and me, indoors, playing and having fun.

Together.

Alone.

Now, I don't know about you, but I've always wondered if I'm enough. Like, you know, enough to keep his interest. Enough to keep him turned on and excited.

I've wondered if I could do more. Or be more. Like maybe I'm not crazy enough, or sexy enough or hot enough or whatever. I mean, I know he loves me and I love him, and he and I both know I'd do just about anything to please him. So I don't know why I feel that way. Maybe it's the small town girl in me coming back to bite my ass.

I wiped up an errant trickle making its way down the inside of my thigh, then sucked my finger.

"Is this what turns him on?" I wondered as I stood in front of the mirror. "Making me cover my body with cunt juice and oil so I smell like a hot slut? Making me slide Ben Wah balls into my pussy so I simmer, close to the boil? Dressing me in a bikini that we both know will be see-through when it's wet? Having me parade around the front yard with sex toys in my hands and waving at the neighbours?"

I could hear him chuckle and despite myself, I smiled.

"You are such a hot little slut," he would say.

I thought about those words as I looked into the mirror. The blush flared in my cheeks. Usually I rubbed my clit harder when he said things like that. God, I'm so bad.

I couldn't stop myself.

I watched as I lifted the hem of my white cotton skirt. I was worried and excited by what I might see. I could feel how wet I was without looking.

"Jesus," I muttered when it was high enough.

I was so wet the bottom half of my bikini bottoms was utterly transparent.

"I can't go out like this," I whispered self-consciously.

I looked out the window. At least it wasn't windy.

Turning sideways, I straightened my skirt, smoothed it over my ass and looked at myself in the mirror again. With my skirt in place, I looked like a classy beach-girl. I was ready but I kept putting it off. I knew Johan would come and get me eventually.

Besides, something kept me staring at the mirror with my eyes glued to the image of myself.

My nipples were fairly hard and I could see how they pressed against my tank top. I looked down. They weren't too prominent. Apart from that, I didn't think I'd attract too much attention.

Turning back to the mirror, I reached up and weighed a breast in each hand. I lifted them a little and let go, seeing how much jiggle there was.

Like I was in a trance, I could barely tear my eyes from my hands. They seemed to be moving of their own accord. Like I was a puppet and a puppeteer controlled them. I kneaded inwards toward the centre, squeezing my breasts till they bulged between my fingers, my nipples pushing further forward.

"Mmmmm…"

My breasts ached so much they hurt. One touch and the tips would be really hard. Then they'd stick

right

out. Then

everyone

would notice.

I fluttered my eyes closed and my fantasy tore me from reality.

My thumbs brushed over my nipples.

"Ohhhh…"

Everyone would see. Everyone would be looking at me.

I pinched them between thumb and forefinger.

Seeing my nipples, hard and poking through my tank top.

My fingers tightened.

Maybe Johan would lift my skirt. Lift my skirt and show my cunt to someone.

They tightened further and I gritted my teeth.

Maybe a stranger. Maybe a neighbour. Maybe he'll make me take my clothes off in the car park and walk down to the beach, showing off my wet cunt in my transparent bikini to anyone who happened to look.

"What is wrong with me?" I cried aloud, releasing my nipples, my eyes springing open.

I looked at my chest.

"Oh no," I said aloud.

My nipples were now exactly how I hoped they

wouldn't

be.

"Damn it," I said, annoyed with myself.

Suddenly I thought, "I could take someone's eye out!"

I covered my mouth with my hand as I giggled and my face flushed. Johan stepped up behind me and I almost jumped out of my skin. I thought it was a robber!

"Don't

do

that!" I whined.

He chuckled as his hands found my hips and he smiled at me in the reflection of the mirror.

"Enjoying yourself?" he asked.

"No!" I replied, pouting.

His eyes broke from mine, trailing down my body and back up again. Hot streaks of desire raced across my skin and I swallowed nervously. I could smell the scent of my juices all over me and my pussy was aching.

He whispered as his lips brushed against my ear. His breath was cool on my skin. Goose bumps rose on the skin of my arms.

"You look so fucking hot… look at your nipples…"

We both did and my skin tingled as my pussy clenched around the Ben Wah balls.

"I hope I don't get arrested," I whispered.

I watched mesmerized as one of Johan's large hands slid up my stomach. He used his forefinger to trace over the letters of the word printed in white on my tank top.

"TOY".

My nipples throbbed and looked obscene. I loved this top, but I rarely wore it in company, let alone outside. It was so tight and pink and girly. When it's washed and folded in my drawer and I pick it up, for some reason I always think of how distorted and stretched the word ‘toy' looks after I pull it down over my breasts. So different from when it's folded and flat. I always loved prancing around the house in it, teasing Johan and rubbing up against him.

But now he was teasing me.

"My little toy," he whispered.

My knees almost collapsed as his fingertip circled my nipple. It was like a movie. Watching myself.

"You're ready. Get your toys."

Johan picked up my beach bag and I grabbed the two toys from my dresser. Smiling, he took my elbow in his hand.

There was no turning back now.

He led me through the house and down the stairs into the lobby. He opened the front door and ushered me onto the landing. I was facing the street in the shadow of our house, and I was suddenly aware of the heat of the day, so much warmer than the air-conditioning inside. I kept the toys behind my back as I looked around at our neighbours' houses.

There was a very light breeze that cooled the skin but the sun would definitely tan us. The sky was blue and the birds and crickets were singing.

I turned around to face Johan, continuing to hide the toys from prying eyes. He just stood in the frame of the door, holding it open and leaning against the doorjamb. He was blocking the way.

It was clear - I was NOT going back inside.

"Go on, you can do it," he said.

I nodded woodenly and turned back around. Swallowing, I somehow let my arms go limp. The toys felt sweaty as I rested my shaky hands by my sides.

I bit my lip and I looked around again to see if the coast was clear. It was just after eight in the morning, and I was afraid someone might be leaving for work and see. God, I was so fucking nervous. There was a tight ball of fear in my stomach.

And I was hot!

I could feel how juiced up I was. Every nervous move I made caused the Ben Wah balls to shift and click. Breath caught in my chest as a tremble ran through me.

I'd cultivated a rather obscure and aloof persona amongst our neighbours. I'd say hi but that was about it. Everyone around here was so rich that I never knew what to say anyway.

What if they saw me carrying a sex toy in each hand to the car?

The idea of flaunting the toys I use in my cunt and ass, of a neighbour seeing me and knowing how much of a slut I am, gave me butterflies the size of pterodactyls.

I mean, what would they think! I'd be the talk of the street!

And yet, I had the strange, psychotic desire to do it. To show the world the toys I put in my cunt and ass. The idea had me literally dripping. I mean, what was wrong with me? The thought of being caught made my pussy clench and juices were wetting the insides of my thighs.

My face was so hot and my nipples were aching. I looked down and swallowed again, trying to wet my dry mouth with my tongue.

"I must be mad," I thought to myself, nervously looking around again.

It was so bright I was squinting. The white mustang looked beautiful. He must have polished it.

"Go on, there's no one watching," Johan urged.

I looked around once more and was pleased to see he was right. I was about to make a dash for it.

"Wait!"

I twisted my head around.

"Baby, I was just about to do it!" I complained.

Johan chuckled.

"I know. I just wanted to remind you to walk slowly and confidently. You may not run."

"You want me to walk slowly with a dildo in one hand and a butt plug in the other?"

"Yep."

"And lean over the door and put them in the glove box."

"Exactly."

My lip was getting a work over.

"Baby, you'll do it right or you'll do it over," he said.

"You'd make me do it again?"

"And you'll keep doing it until you do it right."

I looked at him like he was insane. He just chuckled his exasperating chuckle and grinned at me.

"I can't believe I'm gonna do this."

"Come here. Stand in front of me."

I sighed and moved toward him, my legs shaky, and looked up into his beautiful blue eyes.

At the edge of my vision I could see his hands reaching for my breasts.

"Keep looking into my eyes. Listen to my voice."

His hands curved around my breasts and my nipples felt fit to burst. His fingers centred on them and began twisting as they tightened.

"I love you baby," he breathed, staring into my eyes.

Once more my knees felt weak. A shudder ran through me.

"Ohhh… babyyy… nooo…" I whispered.

I pressed forward into his hands.

God, I'm really gonna do it. I'm really going to make a spectacle of myself.

"You are so beautiful like this."

The pressure on my nipples was unbearable. I gasped, my eyes pleading with his. My hands were clasped in front of me, my fingers tight around the toys, my knuckles white.

Johan whispered as he leaned down and kissed me.

"Don't look around, baby. Just go. Or perhaps you'd prefer I bent you over and shoved that butt plug up your ass right here in front of the house. Hmmm? You'd probably like that, wouldn't you, my dirty little slut?"

His fingers clamped tighter around my inflamed nipples. He was lifting my breasts. Lifting them by the nipples. My skin was burning up and my pussy was dripping down my thighs.

"Ohhhh…" I moaned.

My vision was strange, like in a dream world. There was a roar in my ears that I recognized. I hear it when I'm pre-orgasmic. A fire of ecstasy rippled through my clit as Johan turned me around and pushed me toward the steps down to the driveway. I'd have a total of six steps and maybe ten paces to the car.

It took a lifetime.

I wasn't thinking about how many paces it was anymore. I was just glad it wasn't far. I pulled my sunglasses down over my eyes and started down the steps. I was moving slowly and hoped I wouldn't cum. I didn't swing my arms. My hands gripped the toys tightly and they felt hot. My teeth were gritted. My eyes were half closed, trying to block out the world. I was watching where I placed each foot. Hoping not to stumble. Hoping to do well. Hoping Johan would let me cum. God, I needed to cum. I was gripping the Ben Wahs with the bizarre thought that I was so wet they might fall out of my pussy despite my bikini bottoms. They clicked with every step and shot fiery bolts of erotic tingles through my clit. Though I was watching my feet, I couldn't help but notice my nipples, standing so erect and stretching the fabric of my top.

A gentle breeze swirled around my legs and felt like tongues. Birds sang and it sounded like laughter. The gravel crunched under my sandals and it sounded like applause.

I smiled and held my head high. The car loomed in front of me. I was nearly there. The roar in my ears was almost deafening and the insides of my thighs were slick. I felt like I was floating. Floating on a tide of new sensations. My skin prickled and my nipples throbbed again.

My hips swung and my feet followed one another up to the door of the car. I bent over, unaware of how far my little white skirt would ride up as I leaned in and opened the glove compartment.

Dutifully placing the toys in the glove box, I stood tall and looked back towards Johan at the front door. He waved and pointed toward the street. I turned in the direction he was pointing and watched as a school bus drove by. Rooted to the spot, I shivered.

"Fuck, that was close," I said aloud.

I turned back to Johan and he was smiling as he shook his head. No one had seen. I'd done it! I almost ran back to him, up the steps and into his arms.

"I'm proud of you, baby."

I beamed and hugged him tighter, kissing his neck and pressing my pussy against his thigh.

"How wet are you?" he whispered in my ear.

I took a step back and didn't even look around. I lifted the hem of my skirt and licked my lips as I showed him my cunt.

"Good Lord," he muttered.

I grinned.

"You like, Mister?"

He glanced up at my eyes and back at my pussy. I started to feel self-conscious. I was hoping he'd let me drop the hem soon!

"They are pointless. Take them off."

"Johan…"

He looked sternly into my eyes.

"Now!"

"Y... yes, Sir."

Tentatively, I slipped my hands under my skirt and hooked my thumbs in the waistband of my tight bikini bottoms. Looking around, I wiggled my hips and slid them down over my hips and down my thighs. I let them go and they dropped to the ground. I stepped out of them and looked at Johan, then down at the wet fabric, then up to his eyes again. I felt like such a slut as I ran my tongue over my teeth and smiled. Shuddering, I bent at the waist and felt my skirt ride up as I stooped to pick them up.

If anyone was looking, they would have seen my pussy and the shiny insides of my thighs. If they were close enough. Or had binoculars. God, ‘binoculars'. I looked around. I never thought of binoculars. Maybe a

lot

of people were watching.

"Come, on. Let's go. You can hang them from the mirror."

My jaw dropped.

Johan took my hand and tugged me playfully after him and I followed on wobbly legs.

I thought he was being gentlemanly as he led me around to my side and opened the door for me. As I stepped into the car, I realised the beaver shot I was going to give him and played it up.

I stepped one foot in and sat down, looking up at him. My legs were spread and his eyes were riveted between them.

"You have such a pretty cunt," he said quietly.

I looked down to see and the hem was a little in the way. I pulled it higher and looked.

"Do I?"

"Say it. Say, ‘I have a pretty cunt.'"

I blushed.

"I have a pretty cunt."

"That's right. Now stop showing it off like a whore and close your legs."

I swallowed and blushed harder, lifting my leg and putting it in beside the other.

"Hang your panties on the mirror."

I unfurled them from the ball in my hand and hung them up. Johan threw the beach bag and towels on the floor behind my seat, then walked around to his side and hopped in.

Johan loves this car. So do I. I feel like one of those girls in the surfing movies from the sixties. I wished I had some of those big round sunglasses they wore. They are so hard to find these days.

The wind whipped my hair around my face and I loved it. It's so rare that we take the Mustang out for a spin. But now, I had a whole new appreciation for that throbbing, eight cylinder engine. Before long we were driving through town and when we stopped at lights, the whole car would shake and the Ben Wahs would ‘click click click', making me squirm. People would turn and look at the car. I was sure at least two girls noticed my panties hanging from the mirror. We'd only been driving for five minutes before I reached behind my seat to retrieve my towel to sit on.

"Good girl!" Johan yelled over the engine as we turned up the ramp and onto the highway.

The highway was worse. My Ben Wahs vibrated constantly. It was getting to the point where I was going to ask him if I could cum. I let my head fall back against the headrest and opened my thighs a little. I was hoping maybe I'd dry a bit. I suppose it could have looked a bit rude though. I brushed my fingertips up the inside of my thigh.

It would have taken me less than a minute to cum. I smiled thinking that if I rubbed really fast and pinched a nipple hard, it might only take thirty seconds. I was sure it'd take no time at all.

I squirmed in my seat. Maybe I could just lift my skirt and frig my clit. What would Johan say? Would he think I was a good girl? He wants me to show off, doesn't he?

I brushed my fingers over the lips of my pussy. They melted under my glancing touch and a long string of glistening honey stretched from my clit to my fingertips as I lifted them in wonder.

Johan glanced over and noticed what I was doing. I froze like a deer in headlights. His eyes looked into mine and he nodded. Instantly I knew what he wanted me to do. As he turned back to the road, I slipped my fingers into my mouth and sucked on them, moaning softly.

I suddenly needed to squeeze my thighs together. Before I had the chance, Johan yelled out again.

"Get your butt plug!"

I looked at him. He had to be kidding.

"Get it!"

I leaned forward and opened the glove box. Reaching in, I found the clear latex plug and took hold of it. I leaned back in the seat, flipping closed the compartment and holding up the plug for him.