I have been friends with Emily since high school. I was on both the wrestling and football teams and she had been a cheer leader and on the swim team. We were "friend close," I've always thought she was cute enough, but we weren't attracted in that way. Because we never dated, our friendship has lasted. Now in our early 30s we both have our own lives and we frequently hang out together. I'll be honest, I had girlfriends think our relationship was too close for them to feel comfortable. Now that she's married to Lisa, this has become less of an issue.
Lisa, on the other hand, was different. I like her well enough, and I get why Emily loves her, but she's kind of tedious. She is a gym-rat with multiple black-belts in various martial arts and thinks quite highly of her abilities. She has often claimed that she could "kick my butt." I'll give her credit she is in amazing shape. She's about 5' 8" weighs about 160 pounds and is rock solid. In perspective I'm 6 foot tall and weigh about 250 pounds. I could stand to lose 10 or 20, sure, but what ever. I work construction and just hate going to the gym after a hard days work. I just want a beer and crash.
One Saturday night, Emily and Lisa came over and I cooked dinner. (We do this about once a month.) Lisa was talking about her streaming media channel and how she was going to start a series of "self defense" videos. I think I might have rolled my eyes without noticing. She was instantly offended. She accused "You don't think I can defend myself?"
I thought to myself, ugg I don't want to do this, but I couldn't help myself. I said: "Lisa, you are in awesome shape. Seriously, you are amazing, but that martial arts stuff isn't going to help you. It's more of a dance than an actual fight. When you do your training, you are working with someone who is going along with you. Life is not like a Jackie Chan movie. If you got in a real fight, you could be seriously hurt, especially if you are fighting off someone who is gonna rob you or rape you. Your best bet is to run like hell."
Lisa responded "You don't know what you are talking about. You know I could kick your butt."
I wanted to, but I could not let it go. "Lisa, seriously, there is no way you could kick my butt in real life. I would end up letting you win because I would never want to hurt you. In real life, you wouldn't stand a chance against someone like me who was really intending to harm or kill you."
"That's pretty convenient, you'd 'let me win' I don't think so. That just sounds like an excuse."
"Lisa, I don't want to do this. I don't want anyone to get hurt. Let's just drop it."
Emily stepped in to the conversation. "Mike, do you think you could take Lisa?"
"Emily, yes, easily. That martial arts stuff is good for physical fitness and stuff, but it just doesn't work in a real fight. What happens when your opponent isn't working with you and is actively trying to hurt you? What if they pull a knife? Your nice moves that supposedly flip people don't work if someone is actively resisting. What's even worse is that if you enter a situation with unfounded confidence, you could get yourself in an even worse situation."
Lisa was getting angry. I didn't want this. "Lisa, can we drop it? This conversation is getting a little intense and tempers are flaring." I mean Lisa's temper, but made it broad not to single her out.
Lisa wouldn't have it. "So, you think that you could beat ME in a fight? Give me a break."
I responded, "No, I wouldn't beat you in a fight because I wouldn't fight you."
"But you think you could, don't you?"
"Yes, now can we drop it?"
"No, I won't drop it. I want to shut you up."
Now, I was kind of getting ticked off. "Lisa, I'm done. Let's stop this."
